Agh! I've got to do this entry, I've got so much on my mind that I can't do my work! Maybe this will help. Writing everything down is so much easier than just trying to think it out. I'll start with the least important thing on my mind right now.
My schooling and school work. I miss so three days and fall a month behind in my classes? HELLO, does NOT compute at all! I'm having such a hard time getting it made up. Maybe if I made it up I would have more time for other things. But I need time to make it up! Maybe I'm just procrastinating. Or over-worrying. But still, when you have parents like mine, and have a future waiting like mine, one must prepare for it, and have grades a little higher than mine. My grades? Straight A- in all 4 classes. They've GOT to come up!!
I'm just an overachiever. Ellis has said so. xd
Other than being stressed out about school, I'm worried about my friends. I haven't had time for all of them, not even the few I have at school. I used to hand out with them in the morning, now I have to sit at a table and work all morning. I don't want any of them to feel like I've abandoned them. Nor do I want you all here to think that, either. I care about ALL of you. Alex, Matt, the lunatics in the Hangout, all of you. Once I get caught back up, you'll be my main priorities. You all, and my love, who I miss so dearly even though I'm able to talk to every day. Maybe I'm just losing it.
I said I worry about you but I don't know why. Recently you've been a little sick, and a little lonely, thanks to me being away on the latter. I try to be around so much but my schedule doesn't allow me at all. Mondays and Wednesdays are tightly fit, and now I have one extra practice a week, either Tuesday or Thursday. And Friday is for us. I said in the past that all weekends would be for my family. But you are part of my family. At least, I see it that way. But now that I'm so busy, my weekends are for you, and I don't regret that. But I dread it when my parents take my weekends away.
When you said you were bored earlier and got off the computer to do something else, I felt my heart drop to my stomach... I thought that, maybe one day, it'll be a day that you haven't seen me in days, and you'll just get tired of waiting... So I'll come online to see a message that--
Maybe it's over-reacting... But I see it, the reason that I worry. When I said a week would hurt me, I said myself because I didn't want to say it would probably hurt us... Distance is between us, but I don't want time to ravage us in any way.
I need to shut up before I go all emo and cry. emo My parents already say that I need a psychologist.
In class the other day, we were reading about how some of us use material posessions and friends for support. But it said that we shouldn't, because posessions have no lasting value and friends are unreliable and are "an unstable pillar that can easily crumble." Then I remembered how I always go to Ellis if I needed help for something or just needed someone to calm me down from hysterics. But I sit here now, shaking and holding back tears, at the thought that it may not last forever. And I am foolish to think that it will, and I tell myself that time..and time.. again, because I always dwell on the future, and the thoughts are so wonderful compared to what I'm having to go through at home right now. So I look to the future for reassurance. But what if the future is... fake? One day I may have to face it. Until then, I'm NOT going to dwell on the future anymore unless he brings it up, otherwise I'll feel the need to inflict pain on myself later.
My last and final worry is where I might end up in a few months. My parents said things about moving to Kentucky, and God, it hit me like a meteor falling out of the sky and crashing onto my head at full force. After crying, arguing, and pleading, I think we're only going right across town, so my academics won't be screwed up, and I can still go to Stetson University after highschool. But I still worry about what might happen. If dad leaves mum and I, my mum doesn't have enough money nor make enough money to get us by. That is my main concern. I would work full-time along with school to help out, but what time does that leave for my love and I?
My life seems to be nothing but a sob story anymore. Comments are appreciated. Questions can be raised. I answer my PMs more than I sign onto MSN.
On a note to the retards who keep PMing me asking me to be their girlfriend (Though this does no good because my Journal is friends only): I'm in a relationship that I wouldn't give up for the world. I am loved, I love him, and everything about him. Not you. So screw off, I'm taken. And if I have to decorate my signature and my profile to get you to go away, so be it.
~Ashley~
Known as:
Aeris
Master
Peanut
Turnip
Ashwee(eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)
Ashey
Ash'
...And much much more!
I'll go back to my work now.
My schooling and school work. I miss so three days and fall a month behind in my classes? HELLO, does NOT compute at all! I'm having such a hard time getting it made up. Maybe if I made it up I would have more time for other things. But I need time to make it up! Maybe I'm just procrastinating. Or over-worrying. But still, when you have parents like mine, and have a future waiting like mine, one must prepare for it, and have grades a little higher than mine. My grades? Straight A- in all 4 classes. They've GOT to come up!!
I'm just an overachiever. Ellis has said so. xd
Other than being stressed out about school, I'm worried about my friends. I haven't had time for all of them, not even the few I have at school. I used to hand out with them in the morning, now I have to sit at a table and work all morning. I don't want any of them to feel like I've abandoned them. Nor do I want you all here to think that, either. I care about ALL of you. Alex, Matt, the lunatics in the Hangout, all of you. Once I get caught back up, you'll be my main priorities. You all, and my love, who I miss so dearly even though I'm able to talk to every day. Maybe I'm just losing it.
I said I worry about you but I don't know why. Recently you've been a little sick, and a little lonely, thanks to me being away on the latter. I try to be around so much but my schedule doesn't allow me at all. Mondays and Wednesdays are tightly fit, and now I have one extra practice a week, either Tuesday or Thursday. And Friday is for us. I said in the past that all weekends would be for my family. But you are part of my family. At least, I see it that way. But now that I'm so busy, my weekends are for you, and I don't regret that. But I dread it when my parents take my weekends away.
When you said you were bored earlier and got off the computer to do something else, I felt my heart drop to my stomach... I thought that, maybe one day, it'll be a day that you haven't seen me in days, and you'll just get tired of waiting... So I'll come online to see a message that--
Maybe it's over-reacting... But I see it, the reason that I worry. When I said a week would hurt me, I said myself because I didn't want to say it would probably hurt us... Distance is between us, but I don't want time to ravage us in any way.
I need to shut up before I go all emo and cry. emo My parents already say that I need a psychologist.
In class the other day, we were reading about how some of us use material posessions and friends for support. But it said that we shouldn't, because posessions have no lasting value and friends are unreliable and are "an unstable pillar that can easily crumble." Then I remembered how I always go to Ellis if I needed help for something or just needed someone to calm me down from hysterics. But I sit here now, shaking and holding back tears, at the thought that it may not last forever. And I am foolish to think that it will, and I tell myself that time..and time.. again, because I always dwell on the future, and the thoughts are so wonderful compared to what I'm having to go through at home right now. So I look to the future for reassurance. But what if the future is... fake? One day I may have to face it. Until then, I'm NOT going to dwell on the future anymore unless he brings it up, otherwise I'll feel the need to inflict pain on myself later.
My last and final worry is where I might end up in a few months. My parents said things about moving to Kentucky, and God, it hit me like a meteor falling out of the sky and crashing onto my head at full force. After crying, arguing, and pleading, I think we're only going right across town, so my academics won't be screwed up, and I can still go to Stetson University after highschool. But I still worry about what might happen. If dad leaves mum and I, my mum doesn't have enough money nor make enough money to get us by. That is my main concern. I would work full-time along with school to help out, but what time does that leave for my love and I?
My life seems to be nothing but a sob story anymore. Comments are appreciated. Questions can be raised. I answer my PMs more than I sign onto MSN.
On a note to the retards who keep PMing me asking me to be their girlfriend (Though this does no good because my Journal is friends only): I'm in a relationship that I wouldn't give up for the world. I am loved, I love him, and everything about him. Not you. So screw off, I'm taken. And if I have to decorate my signature and my profile to get you to go away, so be it.
~Ashley~
Known as:
Aeris
Master
Peanut
Turnip
Ashwee(eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)
Ashey
Ash'
...And much much more!
I'll go back to my work now.
