If I don't meet Phil this weekend... I have to do something. I've been told I'm not allowed to know why he didn't want to see me this weekend.
BULL
********
s**t.
I feel I have a right to know why, being his girlfriend, whom he loves SO much and would do ANYTHING to meet, when finally given the perfect chance to meet me, he blew me off.
But also...
I don't think Phil and I are in a healthy relationship right now. And if we don't do something, we'll have to break up.
On his side of the situation... all I'm doing is making him feel bad. And being a guy, he doesn't express his feelings a lot so when he does tell me about it, I've had no idea before that I was. Also, he thinks I would do better off without him, or with someone else.
On my side, we don't seem to get along very well. Like my brother Jake told me, though, that might just be because one or both of us isn't feeling very well. And Phil has told me lots of times that winter makes him feel sick. But also, sometimes he'll play a game instead of talking to me, or watch a show and then only talk about that show, even when I try to talk. I always thought maybe we'd get along better IRL. But if I never get a chance to see him, how will I know?
Furthermore, I feel like him blowing me off for his friend means he's avoiding me. And I don't take being pushed aside by others very well.
We have one of those "hot-cold" relationships I read about in an article I mentioned on my other account. Sometimes he makes me feel really special, and other times I just don't know why I'm still with him. But I feel like losing him would be like losing a big part of my life. And a big mistake.
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And So We Go
A journal about my life
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