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So...lets say that I did lose the one I love over another man.


I would lose all hope in living. I would no longer care about others feelings. I would probley not come on the computer as much probley if not at all. I would feel worthless and alone. He would be the last of love because of the reason that he is the only one that ever truly loved me. I would no longer feel and I feel because of him. I would no longer have reason to live anymore, even if I wouldn't hurt my self, I would only live because my body wouldn't die. Others would no longer be important to me and I would become blunt to peoples questions and be open, however I would not express unless they asked me about it.

I would lose interest in the things I do like, for example some anime and probley even friends. I would only watch nature and possibly smile but never truly be happy. I wouldn't care about my self or others at all. What I would feel is sorrow all the time and to only feel the energy of nature and be part of it. I would probley die early cuz the pain would consume me everyday of the week.


Through all my experiences, no one has ever loved me like he does. I made a promise to my self that if he was the one I would continue to love him forever. If he was not I would still love him forever as he is my only love ever...but I would no longer have the hope to live as he is my hope and life. I gave up hope along time ago so I guess its just how I am. Everyone seems to leave me and not many of my friendships or relationships have I ever thought would last forever. I am lost but not confused. I would just give up as I almost have before. All I ever wanted was to be loved and they love me just as much as I love them. But over the years I have worn and if it plays out where he does go with the other guy....I will be happy for him but...I will just stop hoping and give up. That is my choice for the promise I made and I just don't want to unmake it because I do love him and in fact the word love isn't even appropriate for how I feel for him because its more then that, its divine and god-like type of love. Which is merly non existant here on earth. So I guess...I can only live and love with him and since I plan to do so until he gets rid of me.

I still fear he will choose the other guy over me...and I am afraid and will always be afraid until something happens for him to actually just...either say or do to make me not think that. I wish it was easyer. But no one knows how it feels to love so much in all these different situations and lose part of your self every single time. Because if it happens this time I am done....and those on the net can say goodbye to their dear friend because that friend will be dead in spirit and will no longer be concerned for how they feel or who they are. This is not because of his choice but because of the past.

And so...I hope right here and now that he keeps me close...because hes the only one person who can ever keep me alive. emo crying