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Unfortunately for many people, I think way too much and speak too little. I generally keep my thoughts to myself unless I really do wish to share them.

I usually don't write entries here anymore. I don't see the point, that's what I generally use my Myspace for. But hey, who really cares.

Well, what this is really about is how I've changed in the past year. I once was this quiet good girl type teen. Now, I don't know, I really couldn't care less how the world views me anymore. I'm not like my friends who seem to hunger for a relationship. Why can't they simply enjoy being single? I sure do because all I have to care about is myself, and I'm free from any obligations and I can do whatever I please whenever I choose to without much of an explaination of who I'm hanging out with and why.

And you know what? I'm by far too fond of this. I don't exactly have any desire to get married when I'm older. I'm pretty much one of those few girls out there who don't want to. Being independent is by far too much fun. I want to see the world before I'm tied down to anyone. I need to learn to live and grow on my own. And once that gets boring, then maybe I might go onto the next challenge in life and that's trying to live and grow as a couple. But seriously, one thing I do not want ever is kids. At one point in time, I sorta did want kids after I finish high school and college, not to mention get settled down. But now, I look at it, all kids are... are hassles. I could never raise a kid, let alone put up with a teenager. Ha. Besides, so far, I think I've given out far too much advice to people already to have any left over for my own kids.

And if I do end up getting pregnant in the future, I don't care what you religious people say, I'll be getting an abortion.

For one, I love kids, but the thing is, they push my buttons far too much. I'd rather be the favorite aunt who spoils the kids and then sends them home to mom and dad to deal with them.

Oh, and another thing, if I ever do decide to have a kid, I think I'll adopt instead of bringing another one in the world. Because I know there's mothers out there who are too young and what-not to have a kid and just don't want one. So there. I'm going to adopt instead, and my husband should be for that, at least. But if he's all gung-ho for passing on his genetic material, good for him, but I don't want to be a mom. Seriously.



And other points, I don't need anyone to be happy. I once was this pathetic forlorn teenager who was always stuck on some guy or another. What a waste of time to be pining. In that time of self-pity you could be off doing something productive. Sure, it may hurt at first, but hey, you should be able to get over it eventually. Otherwise, that's crossing the line into obsession. And that's never good.

So my advice to those of you who "Can't live without them.", whoever they are:
Get over them. They obviously don't like you in that way anymore. And just by pining over them will make them worried about you, which will cause them to push you away even further for fear that you might like them forever. And besides, if someone doesn't like you for who you are. Move on. They aren't worth your time.

Wow, I can imagine what some people would say when they read this. "Oh, she's just some chick that's been screwed over too many times. Haha. I bet she's a fatass too, who can't find anyone."

In truth, I am a cross country runner and I absolutely would never allow myself to balloon up like a cow. Ugh. That's sick. Obesity is a huge problem, especially here in America. I love to run and if I ever do become huge to the point of not being able to do what I love, then I'm useless. I hate being useless, you know. Hmm. And you probably don't know what cross country running is if you're from some big city school that doesn't have a team.

Cross country running is short is distance running over various terrain. An average high school race is approximately 5 kilometers in length (Which is about 3 miles, you know.) and as I've already mentioned, it can be run over nearly any terrain. Our coaches here at Lakewood High encourage us to run in the off season as much as possible. The summer preceding the XC season is a big deal, and we're encouraged to follow our workout plans and attend the monthly time trial.

And for you skeptics or people who say, "Ooo... big deal... run fast, turn right." it's more than just that. I'd dare you to join your school's cross country team this year with that mindset. You'll see.

And another thing about, "Oh, she's just some chick that's been screwed over too many times. Haha. I bet she's a fatass too, who can't find anyone."
I could find someone if I really wanted to, but the thing is, I have no desire for a serious relationship in high school anymore. There's more important things, like getting good grades and getting into a good college. And once I do accomplish those things, then I'll worry about finding a guy. And unfortunately another thing is that the majority of guys in high school are by far too immature for my tastes.

And I'll never settle for second best.

This is going to sound shallow, but in truth, looks and self-esteem matter. If you have zero confidence in yourself, no one will seriously consider you. You need to believe in yourself, but don't be arrogant about it.

But the thing is, just because one person dislikes how you look, doesn't necessarily mean every one does. Everybody has different tastes. Okay? Just keep that in mind. Oh, and being healthy is a good thing too. Don't let yourself go. Got that? Because the only people who like... slightly overweight... folks are the ones that settle for second best. You don't want to be considered the runner up, do you? I think your answer was no.

Another thing, don't spend your money on huge fancy things. That's a waste of money and effort. Instead if you do simple, small things over a longer period of time... say... I don't know, random silly things over a course of a year... that'll be ten times sweeter according to me instead of some fancy, expensive date on a single night.

Be creative.