The year 2005.. was not a good year.. alot of things happened to me that I didn't like. Like.. for instance.... I was put in foster care for a year..
I don't know why.. but today.. for some reason.. I have been thinking about my step dad alot.. it kinda scares me.. then again.. it makes me wonder.. what would it be like if he was still alive today? How would my mom be? Would my brother still be an a*****e? Would I have my boyfriend? Would he be coming up to see me? Would I have my baby boy? Would I have made it through christmas? All those.. they.. bother me.. I want answers.. but I know I won't get them for the simple fact that my dad is not here. He can't answer in person, maybe in prayer.. but.. who knows. I really do miss him.. more than I let people know.. I don't show that I miss him I guess.. That's what my mom says.. So who knows. All I know.. is that.. I've been really sad lately.. and I don't know what to do. My life was fine before I got raped.. and beat. then s**t went down hill, and everything started happening to me.. I lost my teeth.. kept losing my bf's. Kept getting in bad relationships.. not seeing the good guys pass me up.. and now I finally found one.. maybe this time, it's a charm.. maybe Chris and I will stay together.. Who knows.. I hope so. I just.. I don't know.. I guess I wish my dad was here to see how happy I am.. and I wish he was here.. so he could do things with me.. take me shopping.. hang out with his grandson.. and do things like that.. teach him how to play football, golf, basketball.... all the things his father won't be doing.. I miss Ken so much.. If I could be granted one wish.. It would be to have Ken back.. and that would be my one wish.. my only wish. I never use to want a dad.. and when I first met Ken.. I really didn't like him because I thought he was going to control my mom.. but he didn't.. he let her do things.. anything she wanted to. and he was ok with it. he was an awesome dad, a great friend, and a wonderful husband to my mommy.. She does miss him alot.. that I can tell.. and the thing that got her so shook up.. and the reason she is not all here anymore.. is because when she found him dead at his house.. the weekend of her birthday in 2005, a part of her died with him.. and I guess the term "true love" is real.. I don't think so.. but if my mom found it.. why can't I? well.. I think that's all for now.. I was in a really sad state.. and I wanted to write my feelings out.. I hope you all don't critize me.. or say anything stupid if you read this.. Thank you..
emoxXxgurlxXx Community Member 
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