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NOW MORE IN DEPTH THAN EVER! V.2! BECAUSE THE OTHER ONE GOT FULL!
You've seen my rants, you've seen my vents, I now bring you both! All brought into one big Journal blender and poured out to you when I feel like it.
Same advisory here as ever; I'll say just about ANYTHING thats on my mind that day, so if you get offended or queasy from reading it... its your fault. Beat yourself up...
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: biggrin ECEMBER 2 2007::
I tried to explain something to my dad today, something I’d explained once before to someone who couldn’t quite grasp the concept of ‘friendship’. The person couldn’t get how two people living so far apart could call each other friends, like a long distance friendship couldn’t exist. She wondered why they couldn’t just find friends who lived closer to them, and leave the other person behind.
I swear this concept made me puke. Literally.
Day after day, she’d ask how they could go on living so far apart, not truly ‘seeing’ each other but still acting like best friends, brothers even. Every time she’d ask me, I’d tell her the same thing;
“Friendship doesn’t form on convenience. Just because you have someone who lives close to you, it doesn’t mean the two of you are just going to get along and be friends. Friends form over a special bond. They connect. And that connection can span over ANY distance. You can become friends with the most unlikely people in the most unlikely of places, you don’t do it just for the convenience. Now f*** off... you’re bugging the hell outta me...”
To this day, I still don’t think she understands... not surprising, she had NO friends of her own and was the most annoying person I’d ever tried to be nice with.
Chyeah, I TRIED to be nice with her in the beginning, she drove that away in nothing flat after she called me ‘princess’ and other things *eye twitch* about fifty times.
My dad started up on the same thing... well, just about. This time it was about love.
He’d caught me online at about 3 in the morning chatting with Kacey. After yelling enough to get the lights in the nearby house to come on, I gave up and got offline.
The next morning he confronted me about the phone bill.
I rolled my eyes and told him to chill, I’d pay a deal of it and cut back in the near future.
That wasn’t good enough for him.
I was “spending too much time with this guy friend of mine”.
Laughing I told him that’s what couples do, and tried to avoid the rest of his lecture by heading around into the bathroom.
He was awfully persuasive in making sure I listened though... it was hard for me to argue stuck to a wall by my neck.
In short, simple words that he would be able to understand himself, he asked me why I “had to go and make friends with people who lived so far away. And worst of all, a BOYFRIEND who lived the FURTHEST away.”For a split second I thought I’d fallen through a time-hole and was talking to Her again... a bigger, hairier, angrier version of her.
After catching my breath and giving him the same speech (adding a few parts to explain the boyfriend business) I patted him on the shoulder and told him not to worry,
“In less than a year, I’ll be outta the house, and we’ll be living much, MUCH closer to each other. And you won’t have to worry about the phone bill anymore... I’ll make sure not to call.”
: biggrin ECEMBER 7 2007::
Y'know what I find just bloody briliant? (please excuse the english sarcasm)
Expectations.
Everyone seems to pin you to certain expections. You have to be successful, uphold your families traditions and honors, have a positive attitude, and so on and so forth. The thing about all these expectations is that they're all either what your ansestors were able to accomplish, or wanted to but were never able.
Either way, you either have to be just as good, or better, than the rest of your family. You score anything lower, and you're suddenly the dissapointment.
I feel real sorry for all the last-born (or youngest if you will) in their family. The pressure is the worst then... I should know, on both sides of my family I was the last born. Niether of my Mom's siblings had any children, and my Dads brothers had children who aren't expected to have any of their own.
I'm the last of my family.
Great how I'm reminded of that... and how since I'm a girl, the family lines pretty much dead.
Since I wasn't born a guy, and already failed my family line, my expectations have risen to a point that I don't think I can ever uphold them all.
I mean, I've already broken a few...
*coughs*
I was told to wait until after school to ever start a relationship-
BUSTED. this one was totally worth busting
I'm expected to obtain a high salary, high intensive job to support myself and any future family. My dad pressured, and is still pressuring me, to get a job in restoration-
BUSTED. I wanna job in the media, creative arts/journalism
I'm supposed to stay out of trouble-
BUSTED. sure, they only find out when I'm caught but still
and more... theres other stuff, but it gets pretty deep.
anyways, for my family...
My Moms side (McElroys, strictly english. Brits, Irish and Scotts.), are all honest, hardworking and successful people. Never had much if any faults, and could all hold their liquor to a point where you'd NEVER know they were drunk.
My Dads side (Spencers, mostly Scottish, partly hits aboriginal. Long story of who married who when they first came to North America) Hard working as well, the most honor-bound family you can find in the 21st century, believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness, can't hold thier liquor if their lives depended on it.
You'd think I'd end up at least a little of both right? They thought I would... surprise to them that I'm lazy, laid-back, and have gone against just about every rule they ever set up for me...
I'm pretty sure I was either adopted or got switched at the hospital...
: biggrin ECEMBER 8 2007::
I can't help but add this one...
I was out shopping today, and had to use the bathroom. I go in, do whatever, come out and wash my hands.
Its as I go to dry them, I spot the dispenser beside the blow-dryer. For a dollar you could get either;
Perfume
Pads
or Flavoured Condoms.
.
.
.
Do-
Do they really have to be flavoured?! I mean c'mon, its a mall bathroom! Who's gonna be in a fit of lust in a mall, to rush to the bathroom to buy flavoured condoms?
"C'mon babe, no one'll notice us in the Pentagone..."
O_o
.
.
.
please... I wanna do anything that has to have Flavoured condoms, I wanna make sure there are no little kids or old ladys barging in *rolls eyes*
Y'know, thinking this over, I'm kinda scared of all dressing rooms within a close-enough radius of mall bathrooms...
: biggrin ECEMBER 12 2007::
I know only THE most immature people make sexual inuendos out of normal conversation, and that its totally annoying, but really: Can you help it if it all just falls togther?
I admit, I am one of those perverted people who can see something dirty out of any-day conversation...
the only difference between me and those losers who's faces you wanna re-arrange:
I keep it to myself (a good 85% of the time)
One I do want to get out of the way though is Salad. More precisely, salad dressing.
Thinking aloud, all I said was:
"Hehehe, salad dressing is always on top of the salad... like always... its hard being on top all the time..."
...
It takes a brilliant mind to ruin salad like that XD
: biggrin ECEMBER 15 2007::
Bored outta my mind, I've made a list of reasons why I shouldn't wear pants.
I'll add onto it from time to time...
Reason #1: Never have an un-even tan ever again
Reason #2: Cooler in The Summer, less bulky in the Winter
Reason #3: Means you only have to do half the laundry you used to
Reason #4: Saves the trouble of having to take them on and off
Reason #5: People can't get in what you dont have
Reason #6: Lets you show off your smexxi underwear for once
Reason #7: No longer have to wonder whether or not something is stuck to the seat of your pants
Reason #8: Easier to moon people
Reason #9: Saves money on having to replace lost/worn out pants
Reason#10: Cold breezes in the morning help build character
DECEMBER 17 2007
It sends chills down my spine worse than cold...
I fear it above the worst nightmares I've had...
It makes me shake when I should be bold...
but it makes me feel happier when I'm sad.
Its this feeling that pushes me beyond recognition
and brings me to my knees in submission...
now piss off and leave me alone
I'm gonna go hide in my bed from the phone
>_>
DECEMBER 22 2007
As some of you may have recieved my little going away note in your profiles:
Quote: I wish you all a very Merry Christmas ^^ And to remember a few important things: 1- If a fat guy in a red suit breaks into your house and stuffs you in a burlap sack, don't worry, I just asked for Santa to bring me you for christmas 2- Yellow snow is NOT lemon flavoured 3- Its not a challenge to see how much you can drink on New Years... unless you're with friends Its a frightening concept to know that Santa can see you when youre sleeping... even more so that I know how too biggrin Love you all, see you in the New Year, miss you 'till then. heart -XOX-
"missing you till then" sounds exactly like it is; I'm going away for awhile.
Two weeks to be exact.
From the 23rd of December, until the 4th of January, I will be in Ontario celebrating Christmas and the New Year with my family.
Even with an itinerary of different things to do for that long period of time, I feel as though I'm not going to be celebrating much of anything with my family...
Since they're all right here in Quebec... not in Ontario.
My real family are all my friends, the people who know me best, even better than myself at times (( I really don't know my own limits sweatdrop hehehe)). They're the people who are always there for me when I need it the most, no matter how much I say that I don't, the people who laugh when I say stupid things, never at me but really with me, the people who'd stick up for me even if I was wrong... and I'd do the same for them over and over again.
My biological family's nothing like that... not most of it anyway.
My parents don't know a single thing about me, even though they think they do. When I need them, they're either never around or have more important matters than me to attend to. I say anything stupid and I get looks and murmurs like "What the hell is wrong with you?". And they can't wait to prove me wrong, to get me down and show me as the failure they always knew I would be.
I don't blame them for thinking of me like that, look at my siblings: both my brother and my sister went on to have like four-five kids each ((its a big thing to have alot of kids in my family... I think we're part catholic or something O_o)), my brother's in the army even though he passed university in flying colors and my sister is freaking rich because she found loopholes where she could get everything her husband(s) owned when they divorced ((Shes had too many husbands to count and she's ripped them all off)).
Me? All I want is to pass college, become some sort of part of the media ((Journalist or Script writer preferably)) and try to live a nice, stress free and laid back life.
My dad calls it a Pipe-dream, saying how I should work hard and that stress makes you feel that you're alive, and how wanting isn't getting and blah blah blah...
until I get out he's gonna make my life hell for the decisions I've made...
him and my mom.
My mom is so overprotective is unbelievable. She was the oldest in her family and had to look after her younger brother and sister... and I don't quite think they got to do much of anything either, just guessing by the way she treats me. I was allowed to date once, around the time I was thirteen, and it ended in a break-up. To me it was no real surprise. We were both way young, had no idea what love really was, and we were best friends to boot ((never date your best friend! it ruins one relationship and just makes the other uncomfortable)). Unfotunately my mom took it as a sign and told me never to date again until I was out of the house, or eighteen. For a couple years, I went on thinking that it wasn't such a bad idea, as I watched as my other friends breaking up and falling apart.
Then it got too much. I had to hide my feelings for way too long. I was sixteen, I fell in love.
When I told my parents that I was dating again, they almost 'sploded all over the room ((and not the good kind of 'sploding either)) they told me I couldn't, that I had to end it. They told me how bad it would end up, how I'd screw it up just like I did last time, how this would affect my schooling and all my hard work, how much it would ruin everything I ever wanted...
I admit, I did hesitate... and I feel bad for that lapse in my own judgement. I almost did ruin everything, by almost breaking it off for good. But I couldn't in the end. And now... now I have everything I ever wanted.
And I'll fight for it, just as I have been. My parents, still dissapointed, try to get me at every turn... taking any one of his actions and putting it against me. They'll tell me how "thats a quality of a bad boyfriend" and "if he's not willing to pull his own weight the its not worth it" and "he's just using you". They don't know everything though, and thats where they get everything wrong. He's in a pretty tight spot at home, so he can't exactly do everything my parents expect him too. It's not his fault either... I'm sure if he could come down and see me he would, and if he could take most of the long distance charges he would... but he can't. And looking at it, I figure I can, so why not me?
... okay. I 've probably just said more about myself than I'd ever care to. But all of this has been affecting me more these past few days than anything else, and I felt that keeping it inside any longer might be bad... I'd hate to 'splode during the holidays. hehehe.
Also, Please- PLEASE, don't take this all to heart. Its never as bad as it sounds... and I believe its on its way to mending. ^^
A few weeks before the end of school, my boyfriend took a picture of the two of us... I hate to admit it looked really cute ((I hate how I look in pictures sweatdrop )) and my mom found it on my camera when she used it.
There's now a printed copy of that picture, framed, and standing on the mantle in the living room.
^^
Deep down, I think she's more than fine with him.
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I know I try not to tell anyone anything thats getting me down, but I hope that clears up a few things for a few people. Especially for the people who asked about the fight my mom and I had on the 20th of December.
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All Signed,
in highest apology for any offensive material,
Pips.
=-! c@n f33l u 0n my b0dy ! c@n T@st3 u 0n my t0ung3 ! c@n h3@r u !n my h3@d, but ! 0p3n my 3y3s @nd ur n0t th3r3...-=
 `Stitches` · Sun Dec 02, 2007 @ 09:14pm · 4 Comments |
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