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Honestly, I'm sick of it.
I need to vent somewhere, and this is the first place that came up. Its one of those things you want everyone to see, but you don't want anyone to see, you know.
But seeing as how only my special friends check out my Gaia journal, then it most likely doesn't apply to you.
Maybe. I can't be too sure.

But first thing's first. I'm sick and tired of it. Jesus ******** christ, stop treating me like your ******** whipping boy. I'm not your goddamn b***h. I ******** hate you.

You, you pompous snob. Of COURSE I'm going to get mad if you go all angry f** on my a** first thing in the morning. You treat your parents like children, I know. I'm a ******** PERSON too, you know. TREAT ME LIKE ONE. I never realized before how uppity you are. Sure, we can laugh together, but you don't know how to have fun. You're all facts and work and no time for games. Too serious. I can't enjoy myself around you. And the least you can do is ACCEPT MY ******** APOLOGY when I have the ******** BALLS to tell you I'm sorry. Stop treating me like a child. I'm ******** trying to be civil, and I don't want everything I do flung back into my face. I don't see the point in telling any of this to your face, for what's not going to guarentee you'll just roll your eyes at me, eh? You do it when I'm mad, anyway. I'm sick and tired of you dismissing me as a child. Its ******** hurtful. So what if you're a few months older than me? We're practically the same age. Treat me like an equal.

And to the selfish little b***h, I need respect too. I've never forgiven you for that one incident in town. You hurt me deeply and I can't forgive you for waht you've done. Selfish braggart that you are, I shouldn't expect an apology, should I? Well, I hate you too. Always have for a long time.

And YOU. I'm not your goddamn b***h. Stop treating me like it. I'm smart, I'm clever, I'm capable of a lot of things. Maybe I'm not a ******** genius like you. Just because you're everyone else's b***h, doesn't mean you have to vent on me. One day I'm just going to snap, but you won't even feel bad for that, will you? No, cuz nobody gives a ******** about Indy.

And all you other people. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I like you. There's only one woman who has captured my heart, and it will always be hers for as long as she wants it. I'd never turn my head to look at anyone else, because my heart aches only for her. Not for anyone else.

And chaps. I love you. But under the combined strain of all these other people, I can't help but feel that you guys don't love me either. I know we kid around a lot, but I can't help but feel under you somehow. Maybe its just me, but sometimes I feel like I have no friends. Sometimes I just feel like you're putting up with me because you have to. Because its an obligation or something. I have the most fun with you guys, but... Iunno. If its not a seme making me feel bad for something, its a uke punting me in the middle of the mall. I smile, I take it, but eh. It hurts sometimes.
But I love you, chaps. If I could spend more time with you, I'd love that. If I could go to your school, that'd be even better. Just as long as you wanted me there...

So overall. Stop treating me like I'm not important. I find it so difficult to make friends, find it so difficult to hold a conversation with anyone. The ones who I sit with now... I'm practically ignored, since I can't hold a conversation. There's nobody I can relate to within that school. There are people I can talk to, but I can't exactly up and leave to go join them. Its as though I'm seperated from everyone else. I'm me, alone in my own dark world. The people who make me laugh, the people who make me truly smile, the people who make me feel appreciated are far, far away. I wish I could go join them, but that's next to impossible with my current condition. I just don't want to be bashed anymore. I'm sick of being treated as though I'm not important, or not important enough. I want to be with friends who can understand me. I want to be loved and cared for. I want to be appreciated. I want to be selfish. Just as long as I could be surrounded by people who truly care.
But for the meantime... I've got 2 weeks free, 2 weeks to try and get over all this depression crap. Hopefully I can do it. Hopefully you won't all drag me down again afterwards. Though... seeing how the school is, I wouldn't be surprised if I just sunk worse than before.
Oh well. Only a year more, I guess...

But final note. I'm not your whipping boy. I'm sick of being your whipping boy. Appreciate me, damn you. Stop beating on me. Ok. I'm done ranting. Thanks for stopping by. Give me any retarded a** comments, and I'll wail on you too.