Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Hmm I'm writing again. I just went to the convenient store and I'm waiting for my coffee to finish.

I don't know why I write in this thing.

I went to Kichijoji yesterday. It had been a while. Seeing this TV drama based there made me want to go check it out since I recognized a lot of places in the show. Plus Utada Hikaru's song is the theme song smile

I made it my gold to find all the Starbucks there. I found 5/6...I'm bound to find the last one. I think I found my favorite tho. Its like right in the middle of these other to, but its a store all to itself and second floor seating. I sat up there at the bar and looked out the window while I read.

Then another random emo-ness. I was walking around Kichi when I caught a whiff of miso ramen. It made me waaaay nostalgic. When I first came back this year miso ramen was one of the first things I learned how to cook for myself. Smelling it yesterday made me think of Autumn term...the broken air conditioner.. and Karsten :/

So then late yesterday watching boring TV and slightly hungry since my eating schedule was off I went and bought junk food. Plus with all this drama (which I realize I havn't written about here) I decided to give myself a 'fat day' and eat all those things I never let myself eat. I again random emo me I decided to torture myself with food with reminds me of...them. I bought a ginger ale since it was Karsten's favorite. I bought these gummi bears because Makoto used to eat them all the time. I came back and watched tv and at those. Naturally, they gave me a stomach ache. As they did in real life...

And now its so weird. A few week ago I wanted nothing more than to return to Nathan. But since this 'drama' I've begun to question my life and sadly I think I question him. I want to kill myself for saying that but I have no idea why it was true. How could I be so tortured leaving America, so tortured leaving here now but so unsure if thats what I want to return to back home? I thought he was what I wanted...

I'm a glutton for punishment. Thats why its so hard to leave here even though this place kills me.