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Okay, well I'm not depressed. But, I am really, really sad. I really, really wanna meet Blake Lewis, like more than anything, but you have no idea how much of a loser I am. I'm acting all stupid and all excited, but I am really sad, because I know I probably wont ever meet him. I know I shouldn't have an additude like this, but I can't help it. sad

He hasn't even accepted my friend request on myspace. This has nothing to do with meeting him though, I could think of tons of reasons why he hasn't accepted this. But, I can think of depressing reasons why he never will. crying

I'm probably acting really corny, but I feel like I don't think I'm like his other fans, and I like him more than them, but when I think about everything thats so sad it all crumbles up into a small ball in my head and I can imagine myself being threw in a pit of darkness and not wanting to come out cause he's not who I thought he was. Normally I would say theres nothing wrong with hoping I'll meet him, but what if I don't? What if I never do? What if I don't even try?

I have to find it in myself somehow to continue living my life, and even if it's like 3 years from now, maybe, MAYBE I will meet him someday! WHY IS IT SO HARD TO THINK LIKE THIS!!??? I AM GOING TO CONTINUE TO TRY AND SAVE UP MONEY TO GO TO HIS CONCERT. But, it's sooooooooooooooo hard! Waaaahhh.. what if he doesnt go to fresno or anywhere near where I live, what if his tickets are like $200 dollars each! What if we freaking move out of state before his concert!!! Waaahhh!

I don't even know!!!!!!
Grrrrrrrrr.