I like to keep people on their toes, one second I'm biting your ear sexually and the next I'm tearing it off Mike Tyson style. So that's why I'm starting this journal mid way through my normal day... it's just too annoying to think of how the humans roll around in bed all night... the bastards...
Anyway I'm outside when the cat, Amadaes the one that I mentioned the other day, shows up. He's sitting on the fence strutting his stuff with a dead snake in his mouth, of course he's meowing which is unacceptable! Buddy, of course being a noob, is acting all excited and happy that he showed up again so that we can make up and be friends "again"... first off I was never his friend before and second the reason why his left eye is red is because of me!
Back to the dumbass cat, he's on the fence thinking I can't jump up there... well boy was he wrong. He instantly dropped the snake in his mouth (Buddy ate it before it fell on the floor) and jumped off toward the neighbors yard and into a pile of my... uh... how should I put it... my territory marker... s**t. It's like the cat acts like my rival but he can't handle it and neither can any other cat!
Well that's when the humans let me back inside and to my surprise there was a new person in there! They say her name is Sonia but that doesn't matter as I had already taken the first bark making me the dominate one in our feud. As the humans talk I sniffed her leg and sneezed on it for good measure, I didn't feel like peeing on it to mark it. After what seemed like a freaking day they sat down and began to eat... Pizza! You know I love all human food and I especially love the pepperoni on the pizza! I gave the human, Sonia, my good 'ol puppy dog eyes and alas she fell for it and gave me pepperoni... it's like... she never stopped giving me the delicious meat, I just go "Mmm... Mmm" and she still keeps on giving me the pepperoni! It's like I went to hell!
Anyway after that I was too tired to bark, giving the false appearance that I actually "warmed up" to the human... hah! How I laugh at the humans and their supposed understanding of the mind. You know humans really don't know nothing the way I do. I live day by day, nap by nap, human food by human food and it's okay because I enjoy it!
Now, can you honestly say that I can't take a piss or what?
Buster out!
