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Cried myself to sleep last night....again. I miss people, but it never feels like they miss me. Everyone is moving forward and I'm being left behind. I give and give and give to make friends stay and they take and never return. The pain is almost more than I can bear and yet, I fake a smile and no one ever knows the difference. I watch everyone else get everything I ever wanted without trying. I'm fighting with myself. One part of me constantly telling me I will never be loved, the other being pissed that I act like such a frickin drama queen. I soak in self pity and loathe myself for it, and no one seems to care. Someone could act the least bit upset and I would literally force them to tell me what happened. Everyone piles their problems on me and I do what I can to help. No one ever really seems to care whether I'm truely happy. Most of my friends have one or two friends that are really special to them. I've gone green with envy. I want to be one of them but I know I never will. I crave attention. I always have. I don't want to be ignored. God, I could go on forever but the summary is:

I hate myself.