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I love my online friends, probably more than they'll ever love me. I feel sad when they talk about their real life friends and I know I can never be one they can count on. They'll always love someone else more than me, usually a lot of people. It sucks, but it's the truth, and I need to learn to accept it. I feel like a ******** retard talking to them sometimes, knowing that if they hadn't met me there wouldn't be a difference. I want to change something, someone. I want a chance to be someone's important friend, one that they can't live without. It's selfish, and I know it probably won't happen, but I can't stop wishing. Everytime I try though, I die a little more inside. My wishes and dreams are fading away, and everyone is disapearing. I want to be alone sometimes. If I were alone, I wouldn't have to worry about this. I wouldn't have to obsess because I'm not in someone's fricking top 5. But I can't pull away, I cling because I'm afraid to be alone. I don't want everyone to leave me...but I know in my heart that it'll happen. The only thing I'm good at is making my friends depressed. Whoever is reading this probably feels that way now too. See? I'm good at one thing. Too bad that one thing can't save me from myself.

I'm trapped, can't escape, not sure if I want to...