That next morning I awoke with this odd feeling of something buzzing. It was as if the room was… vibrating with something in my pants a few feet away in my hamper. I crawled over to it, and I realized it was my phone. I flipped it open shocked someone was calling me on the weekend. No one ever called me unless it was Derek to invite me to some double date, so the other girl wouldn’t get kicked out. But then she’d get bored with me and go flirt with some other guy. It was always stupid, and I hated it. I sighed and answered, “Hello?”
“Spencer… I…. I was wondering if I could come over. You know… visit for a little while?” I heard J.J’s beautiful voice ask of me. I was surprised she had called me. She never did that. She wasn’t mean like I felt the others try to be. She just let me be alone in my home, and she didn’t seem interested in trying to embarrass me and put me with women who were obviously awkward around me.
I wobbled as I struggled to stand up as I felt as if the world was turning in some cataclysmic event. I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself to see if she would notice my… episode last night. I didn’t look any different than any other day... well other than the obvious bruises. I saw tired eyes and stupid skinny stature. She wouldn’t notice anything different I concluded to myself. “Sure. When can I expect you?” I asked curiously and went to my closet to pick out my clothes for the day.
“How about in an hour and a half?” She asked sounding like she was doing something too. Maybe she was so excited she decided to take her time on her clothes picking, and then FINALLY she decided on some. Then she was getting them now… if only that was true. I rolled my eyes to myself.
“Should I make lunch?” I asked as I picked out a pair of black corduroy pants.
She didn’t answer for a moment and my heart suddenly stopped as I worried if I had said something stupid. I worried I had maybe made it sound too much like a date or something. I felt so terrible I started to stumble over my words. “I mean I just thought maybe while you were visiting we could eat lunch. I mean… not like a date or something. Just… just like a casual lunch. Nothing special… not that going on a date with you would be a bad thing. I just… I don’t want it to be awkward or something and…” I started.
“Spence I’d love to have lunch. I’ll bring it over. I’m a better cook.” She stated as if it was something casual that I should already know and face. It was as if she never realized how much I loved to talk about the recipes she and Prentiss talked about sometimes. It was as if she was blind… but weren’t they all?
I bit my lip knowing how I really wanted to retort to that. Then I finally decided that I wasn’t going to let her continue to think that the only things I knew were in books. I decided to let her know how good a cook I was. I wanted to show her I wasn’t a flat character… I was a round character in our story book of life. . “J.J actually I’d rather make lunch.”
“But Spence…” She started.
“I insist.”
She sighed, “Okay Spencer. You cook. I’ll see you in an hour and a half.” She then hung up.
“What happened to good-bye?” I asked myself and hung up. I then dressed quickly. I slowly walked down the stairs as I contemplated what I would make. I decided I would make a delectable meal of mushroom burgers. I thought that would only be fitting. She would then realize that yes I could cook for myself. Maybe that would make her wonder more about me. Maybe she would like me a little bit more. I shook my head and scolded myself for thinking such thoughts. J.J could never love me.
I quickly started on the burgers knowing I didn’t have much time. Then I started on some homemade fries. When I finished I smiled to myself at my beautiful work. I had to admit to myself I was proud of myself. I then went to my neighbors house and got some fresh roses cut low enough to sit in a bowl that wouldn’t overwhelm the table and cover our faces. When I finished I put some nice-ish music on. Something that would say that this is what Spencer normally listens to on the weekends while he is alone.
Then I sat down on my couch and patiently waited for her to come. I started to read Le Morte D’Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory. Ever since Randall Garner called me Sir Percival I have been intending on reading this book, but… my job stopped me from being able to. So to be able to finally sit down with a book was wonderful. I relaxed and tried to lie back when I felt the bruises on my back scream and I sat back up.
I was reading about Merlin and the eleven kings when I heard the door bell. I stood up slowly, and then I shelved my book. As I walked to the door my heart raced as I realized this would be the moment that someone finally enters my safety area. It would be the first time someone would discover who I am. I nervously started to pick at my nails as I wondered if this was a good idea. Maybe I should just act sick and try it another time…. sometime when I was myself… when I wasn’t struggling with so much.
The sound of the door bell ringing again knocked me into reality, and without my permission my body moved me and opened the door. “Hello J.J.” I said nervously.
“Hi Spencer.” She smiled brightly and somehow blinded me in her amazing abyss of happiness. She wore a beautiful ensemble of a tie-dye skirt, a white blouse, and gladiator shoes. I had never seen her so casual. It was amazing to see her relaxed around me. She stared at me a moment then asked, “Can I come in?”
I shook my head mentally scolding myself. “Of course. Come on in.” I forced myself to smile. “Can… can I get you something to drink?” I asked casually. I waved to my living room couch. “Do… do you want a seat?” I asked starting to walk to the kitchen thinking she would want a drink.
“Can I have some water?” She asked looking at my books. She ran her hands over the edges. “This is amazing. How many books do you own?” She asked knowing I would know the answer to that question instantly.
“Ice or no ice?” I asked. “Two thousand eight hundred and sixty three.”
“Ice please. That’s a lot of books.” She mumbled almost so I couldn’t hear.
I quickly finished her drink and gave it to her.
“How many movies to you have?” She asked.
I laughed at her question. I knew once I told her she was going to laugh at me and wonder why so. “Less than a twenty.” I shrugged my shoulders.
She looked at me with questions in her eyes, “Have you watched anything modern?” Her beautiful blue eyes looked at me curiously.
“Umm… Titanic?” I asked hoping I was close.
“Dear John?”
“What’s that?” I asked confused suddenly. “That sounds terrible. That’s a letter you give to a man when you’re leaving him. I would never read something like that.” I pointed out.
“It’s a romance movie. Twilight?” She asked.
I looked at her with a burning and irritated look. “After I read the first so many pages I got fed up and closed it. There is no way I’m going to watch the movie.”
“What irritated you?” She asked with that beautiful smile I had to answer.
“Well… how fast are you supposed to fall in love? And wasn’t he mean to her at first? Honestly I would have taken my Biology book and hit the jerk in the back of the head for acting like that. A guy should always treat the love of his life with the upmost respect and kindness. Not only that according to what I heard from my cousin he leaves her in New Moon! That’s terrible. Edward is a bad guy. I don’t care about his reasoning. If Bella was in ANY danger he shouldn’t have left.” I pointed out vehemently. That was only a small part of what annoyed me, but I stuck with what I could.
She started to giggle at me! She was laughing at my opinion. She wasn’t taking what I was saying into to truth. She thought I was joking.
I looked away stung and went to the oven and pulled out the burgers. “Are you hungry?”
She looked at me confused, “What… what did I do wrong?”
“Nothing.” I lied. I didn’t care to tell her that she had really hurt my feelings. It didn’t matter she probably didn’t even care that she had.
“You’re lying. I don’t have to be a profiler to see that. Please talk to me Spencer.” She asked of me. Unexpectedly she was at my side and her arm was on my shoulder. It was comforting… almost soothing. It felt so right.
But I pulled away as if I had been touched by a hot pan right off of the oven. I knew that if I stood there any longer I would have started to think that maybe she had more feelings for me than what she really had, and then… I would have never been the same. I looked down at her with burning hurt eyes, “J.J, I was serious. I meant all of that. If I had been Edward I wouldn’t have left Bella. I would have stayed outside her house waiting for that Victoria woman. He was stupid and selfish. He was a coward.”
She stared at me for a moment as if she was sizing up what I was saying. It was as if she really cared what I said. Then out of the blue suddenly I felt her lips on mine.
I felt a rush of feelings as she kissed me. First was relief… she really loved me. Then… doubt, hurt, and anger. I pushed her away. “Get out.” I ordered her with tears of pain welling up in my eyes.
She looked up at me with hurt eyes, “I thought… I thought…”
“I thought that you were better than that. I thought that you were higher than tricking, ‘Gullible little Spencer’. Apparently you aren’t. It was fun wasn’t it? This charade? Huh? Is Morgan listening laughing too?! Get out! I’m glad you had so much fun! Go watch the video of how you tricked me!” I yelled and cried at the same time as I realized how much it hurt when she actually did what I had feared she would do. When she ripped my heart out it felt like she had taken a screwdriver and slowly cut my ribs, and then she had finally taken her hand and ripped it out without a thought or care of what it would do to me.
For a moment I swear she was completely still. It was as if she was dead… frozen stiff in one place. Then she walked closer to me and cupped my face in her hands, “I don’t know what is going on in that big brain of yours, but you need to realize that not everyone is what they seem.” She scolded me and then left.
I stood there shocked at what had just happened: I opened up about myself, she laughed at me, I opened up again, she used my vulnerability and tricked me, I yelled at her, and she scolded me. How did that happen?
Suddenly the need for my pain killer was almost too much. I walked up the stairs not caring what really happened to me. I filled up the whole needle hoping to escape for a very long time. As I filled up my vein with the wonderful feeling of euphoric poison I smiled to myself. The pain was gone. JJ was gone.
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So I don't own Criminal Minds, J.J, Spencer, or any of the other things that I have included in here. Though the plot is ENTIRELY mine. I am indeed proud where this went. So Read and Review please. Criticize me, but please tell me what I did wrong. Write that you love it, but PLEASE include something about why you loved it. I know that's a lot to ask of, but I would REALLY appreciate it. I write this for you guys, and I want to hear from you guys.
oO- Alice Whitlock-Oo Community Member 
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