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for once i can finally say i'm happy
and it's such a strange sensation
because i was so determined
to remain miserable
never knowing just how bad i had it
even after countless times
doing exactly what i said i'd never try again
never thinking i could feel
as good as i do now
was something i was suited well for
but now with my chosen family
i feel at home

the one thing i noticed
more than anything
after coming to this new old place
was the lack of scent
and when i smelled nothing
i knew i was in an unfamiliar familiar place
and that might sound strange to people
not accustomed to some of my ideas
but i believe everyone's home has its own smell
and the place you feel most comforted
is where you smell nothing
because to your mind
the scent is so normal
that it doesn't recognize it
only the people that reside there

and maybe it's weird that home is where my nose is
as opposed to my heart
but my heart was in a broken home
afraid to leave
and it was stepped on too many times
and then my nose and my brain reminded it
that this is how home smells
and it smells the same when i embrace my family
not the ones that i was born with
but the ones that made my blood burn
with the sensation of kinship
and this certainly is not the smell of blood
nor water
but more familiar and sweeter than either

so to all of my friends
the family that i chose
to my mother
and my brother
and all of my fictional fathers
the people who cared about me
enough to make me realize
that i'm worth a damn
maybe all i can do is write a poem
and my gratitude
will never seem like enough to me
but thank you

i love you