A rant...
I'm just generally ranting here, it's probably not as bad as I make it sound but I needed to it it off my chest.
I'm not by nature a jealous person but just...
Sometimes when that greeneyed monster rears it's ugly head it hits hard.
I'm usually able to supress such things but not today it seems.
Sooo...
I was chatting with a friend and someone else came in and I just, sort of, fade into the background.
I can be open with people who are close to my heart but then when others are thrown into our conversation I just fade away.
It's always like that and I just can't begin to talk again because I feel uncomfortable...
Then I get jealous.
Because I can't talk to my friend like planned but whoever the other one is they can talk how comfortably as ever!
I can't chat like that and I know it makes it hard for my friends to chat with me but I can't help it!
I just get very very uncomfortable...
And when they log off I start to hit myself mentally for not talking more to them when having the chance. I get sooo confused by myself at times.
Otherwise it's been a pretty good day I guess.
Was ill in the morning and into the afternoon but now I'm fine.
Mum recommeds coffe...
I love the smell of coffe but the taste... Urk...
I think I'll just stick to my tea.
But the tea my little sister drinks is yucky...
She has 1, 2, 3, 4... and more spoons of sugar in it.
I tried her tea WITHOUT the sugar and it was to sweet even then!
She's a sugar monster. ninja
My friends from Gothenburg should arrive about now to the train station.
Greeted by my other "friends". I couldn't be there since I was ill this morning.
I don't know if I'm going to get the chance to see them at all.
They're currently living with my "friends" and just by knowing that I can be assured that noone has the time or will to talk to me.
It's always like that.
I don't talk much, I listen.
So, whenever somone who DOES talk comes around I'm not interesting anymore.
And I ******** hate it.
But when they need someone to listen, THEN I'm ******** interesting!
I honestly don't know what to do...
I've thought of giving up the friendships since it's only me giving the friendships I have (in my real life that is, not on Gaia) but...
Whenever I try to do that they come to me acting all concerned making me belive that I actually are worth something to them again.
But as soon as I'm happy and talking to them again I'm no longer interesting because then I'm acting like they're used to.
I'm starting to think that maybe I should take some distance from them, see if they care long enough to show me that our friendship actually means something.
Uff, these sort of thoughts only make me depressed...
Entry ended: 22:34
