You know, I've realized something. Even just from reading other people's journals on this site. I have no life whatsoever. And what's more, I don't think I ever have. Who were my childhood friends? James, Charlie and Mario? You bet. Teen years? Ken, Ryu, and Kefka (go figure). And the whole time I'm sitting in the darkened chambers directed the lives of the digital, my life and identity are growing stagnant.
Whats a good way to make a decision? Think about it, contemplate, CARE about it. You know why I went to community college after high school? Because I wanted my parents to get off my back. And I've not used that education for anything. Granted, I can draw really well now because of it (it was animation), and I'm happy about that, but drawing instruction is a bad way to spend $5000.
And I was still valuing the fake people over the real ones. And this was when I finally started seeking my own identity. I needed to figure this in high school, and gotten some insight into what I wanted to do with myself. I've always been an outcast.. I just wish I would have known that. Knowledge is power, and I really needed to feel my own power. I didn't know what punk was, goth, or prep or anything. Do you know what its like to be a shell? A skeleton? Everything is appearance. How others see you. I could only crave attention, but I would never seek it. It sucks when all the turmoil is internal, and you have no way to express it. A psychiatrist might say it builds up until you "pop." But no. You just deal with it.
Incidentally, I've never been bad enough to need a psychiatrist. Just thought you might want to know that.
This alienation has made me strong, though. I am what I am. The events of my life have thus far led to this moment. I didn't socialize in high school, but everybody knew me. I was a popular figure in college, and I am unique in university. Strange how such a glaring lack of life substance could result in an actual person, isn't it?
Well then. Let there be void, hmm?
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My Only Journal
I don't keep a real journal, so this is where I record my thoughts. Some of it is pretty odd sounding, so read at your own risk :P
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