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... all I can say is... that hurt. Deeper than you'd think possible. And now it just makes me wonder. You say you love me, but is that all true? You miss me, and you care for me, yes, I see that.
... But is it true that you tire of waiting for me? Is it really true that you don't want to wait?
... You understand that I love you, or so you say. I'm sorry if I can't be with you now, at this moment, in this time. It is against their wishes. Its not my time to leave yet. They won't let me go to you, not unless I can fend for myself.
Why is this always my fault? Why is it that I can never make you happy? Sometimes I just feel like you don't understand how deeply I love you. And you said you'd love me forever... as long as I loved you in return. And I still love you. So why does it feel like you're slowly slipping away?
I remember Valentines day. When I felt so strongly for you. When you were kind. When you weren't distant. When you understood me better than anyone else.
What happened to those days? Sure we were younger... but we had so much to tell each other. And we were so close. Why is it that I find it so hard to talk to you now? Why does it hurt when I can't find anything to say to you? I don't know. We used to be close. But as the months went by, you seemed to slip away. Then you did. Then you came back. Why? Why did you return to me? I thought you wouldn't give me another thought after that day...
I just wish I could hear your voice. Wish I could speak to you. You promised. You promised me that you would. But... you never did. Why? Were you afraid? Am I just someone to keep at a distance? A friend, faraway? Is that all I am?
You told me you loved me. And I believe you. I still do. But why? I don't know. After everything, why should I? Do I care too much?
All I want is to be close to you. To love you and be loved in return. I wish there was some way you could prove it. I just want to be reassured. Sometimes it feels so one sided, with me asking all the questions and you giving me evasive answers...
I guess this would be far easier if we were together in person. I wish that we could be together in person. I'm sorry if you tire of waiting for me. I wish I could do something. But, as you can see, I can't. I wish you would put your trust in me. I wish you could tell me when something is wrong, when you hurt inside... but if that's the way you are, then what can I do? You say I'm easy to speak to. Am I really? What happened to the closeness we once shared? I understand that it isn't my fault... but please. Why can't you even talk about it to me? I am here to help you in any way I can. When you are sad, then so am I. All I want to do is help. But don't take your frustration out on me. Not like last time...
I hope you can wait for me. I really do. You don't know how much it would hurt me if you didn't...
Who knows where we'll be in two years time? you told me yourself that two years would go by so fast that we wouldn't even realize... but that was so long ago. I can only hope that I will be with you after those two years have passed. I can only hope that you will still love me.
We've been through so much together already. I just don't want to lose you.