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I suppose that I have now come to a cross roads. I can either choose to end my self by killing my self or I can choose to change my self by running away for a little while. Either for me is hard and is uncertain of which one to choose exactly. One choice will decide my fate now and there is only two. Pondering on which one to take. To forever feel pain in this world I would love to die as I already welcome death. While ever still there are people who may "need" me in the future and it is my duty and charge to help them. Whatever my choice is will be decided silently with no warning and I WILL disappear not only from gaia, but the entire internet. No one will have contact with me and I will leave this matter to my self.

I have to have my best interest at heart and while either choice seems tempting I must do what is best for my self. I wish to choose to just die in my sleep or starve my self or even perhaps drug or jump off my house. I feel that living has no meaning to me any longer. I wish I could say different but I can't. People have done me something wrong and they know who they are. I did nothing to deserve the pain that I felt so I feel it is in my best interest to leave. I wish there was another choice but from the way I see things the world would be better off with out me. Weither or not that is true or false resides in question. I do not wish to harm people, but apparently they just love doing it to me.

When I leave I may or may not come back on. If I do then perhaps it is to just get on for a little while but PMs probley won't be answed, they will be answered in the time that I feel is time for them to be. I feel also that if I do not come online it means that I am either in deep thought or I have killed my self.

I feel that the fact remains in question on who is a friend and who is not, it is clear to me on who loves me because there are many that do either in that one way we all know as friendship or the confusing way we never get. I believe I think of both differently then other people and they seem to have a hard time understanding how I feel about it.

Anyways...I am leaving either for good or just for a while. When this happens there will be no notice of such which is why I am posting it now. I may decide to leave a few days or even perhaps right after I write this or tomarrow. It can be at any time so expect it.

My thoughts will be rested upon the two choices I stated and one of them will in fact happen for certain. That is all for now.


In deep love and trust,


Raven heart heart heart