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"what do I do now?" - Thinking out loud |
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Hello again xd
It's been a while since I last Posted. Mainly because my computer wouldn't allow me into my journal for a while. I did post on my otaku account, which I will transfer into here later on.
For now I'll think out loud' or really type out load.
For the past week, I've been struggling with my descion on what I should do about the guy I like redface . Yes, I never really talk about this to anyone. It's not my nature to. But like I said, this has been bugging me all week, and I felt like typing it out; maybe it will help me decide on what I should do.
I like a friend of mines. I've liked him since my sophmore year, but I've been to embarassed redface , to tell him straight out. My head always finds some logic to discourage me, "what if he will think I'm weird, for telling him?" or "I don't even know him that well, what happens if it doesn't work out, and I'll make a fool of myself?" , "Do I really like him enough to tell him, or is it just a crush?" "Does he have feelings for me, Do I really even stand out enough, for him to even notice me?" . I could go on and on. I know it's sounds a little insecure redface , in fact this is probably one of the only things I feel insecure about. It's just that I don't want to force him to like me nor pressure him, just because I said I liked him.
I would know, my first realationship (If you can call it that rolleyes ), was because the guy said he liked me alot, so I was flatered and agreed to go out with him. But right away later on I realized I didn't like him in that way and broke it off.
I don't want to have someone else go throught that, I don't want to repeat it.
I want someone to like me back, a mutral realationship.
Maybe, I've read too much manga. The world isn't perfect, I know that very well. But still it's hard to judge things.
My thoughts and my heart have been conficting all week about this. My heart, my feeling is to tell him That I like him, but my head tells me "it's irrational, he won't return my feelings". But yet my heart still likes him and yerns to tell him.
I fear never telling him, never giving it a shot, and let a opportunity pass me by. And him never knowing that I cared.
High school is almost up; I've only have 30 something days left in school. My heart sinks at that time is running out.
Am I A Fool! Are my feelings true or just a hopeful wish? Am I seeing the truth, or is it just my interpertaion of whats happening?
scream crying Maybe I'm just too romantic? I've probally have read too much shojo manga.
I want to know what it is? Do I really care for him or is it just a nice thought "to like someone"?
And even if I tell him and he accepts me, what will I do then? I have no idea how to act in a relationship! Why would I want one then? It doesn't make any sense scream !
Ahhhhh gonk !
Why do I care? Why am I getting worked up over it? Why am I typing this in my journal ? gonk
I wish I knew what to do!? gonk scream
*Head hits desk* What do I do?
Please help!
 TrigunCat4 · Sun Apr 29, 2007 @ 07:15am · 5 Comments |
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