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The sky darkened
a faded rose
eyes sparkling
he fell in love,
with her...
Thinking...Thinking...
about her...
City glowing
like hot metal
sky softening
while dark eyes
turned to stone;
face inflamed
brutal words exchanged
suprised by his tone
made him feel bad
flung himself onto the couch
with tears down his face...
- by upside-down-raisin-cake |
- Holiday Poem Contest
- | Submitted on 12/12/2008 |
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- Title: if only... if only...
- Artist: upside-down-raisin-cake
- Description: oh...! He shouldn't have done that! tsk tsk...
- Date: 12/12/2008
- Tags: only only love
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Comments (7 Comments)
- Animal Crackerrr - 08/10/2009
- what did it have to do with the holidays???
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- Animegrl67 - 07/19/2009
- You had beautiful words, to cover up your mess. It was all very mixed up. I understood the story but, you need to put sense into certain parts. Describe how the girl looked.. Was the rose reminding the man of his once true love? Did she die, of a horrible death?
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- KalebCB - 07/14/2009
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that was great
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- Elvin Veliz - 04/25/2009
- did u finish
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- iKURA Kagakushiken-SAMA - 12/29/2008
- i thought it was great but i also go with what x-pianist-x says, but it is really good!! haha
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- Piano Kisses - 12/15/2008
- The beginning definitely pulled me in. What threw me off was the last 5-7 lines.. You turned from this beautiful abstract imagery to simple writing. I also felt like there could be more to it...
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- da sound of silence - 12/13/2008
- interesting
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