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Special thanks to Just Fn Crazy for editing.
He wanted to be a Vampire.
"Teenage Ideal to become the center of their obsession"
"Oh Laurie, where are you hiding?"
He sang tauntingly. His voice was followed with his foot step that echoed against the wall.
With her eyes clenched, the little girl trembled from fear as she hugged herself tightly. Her forehead was drenched with sweat, her brown curls clung onto her skin, and she bit down on her quivering lips to keep her voice under control.
She breathed in and out heavily, her chest hurt from screaming and her legs ached from running. Tears poured down her cheeks silently.
"Come out, come out -wherever you are!"
His voice squeaked in obvious delight. This was a game and she was merely a pawn. He was invisible in the dark, but his voice, his foot steps, his presence was nearing her.
"Come out, little kitten...come out, come out..." he whispered softly, in a forged concern. He began clapping in a steady rhythm. Her heart beat quicken from confusion at his action. The clapping quickened as well.
Laurie moaned in agony, rocked herself for sanity and began clawing helplessly against the concrete wall. The cool, solid touch made her ache for home.
"I don't want to die....God," she cried silently, her lips moved with these pleas, as she pressed herself harder against the wall. "Why..." she sobbed, and she lost her control as sobs rocked her roughly. Every gasp and breathe caused her chest to heave deeply, and she trembled from the anguish.
The claps were quicker, and they were getting louder. He was coming closer.
She heaved for air, and she gasped with every word.
The crate next to her noisily shifted, causing her little hiding place to widen. Laurie's eyes narrowed from the glare of his flash light that pointed directly at her face.
His face could only be described as horrific as his eyes widen in glee and his smile showed one too many rotten teeth. His hair was stenched with sweat as it greasily shone.
He dropped his flash light, that rolled to the side too far for her reach.
"Why..." she tried again, as her eyes stared pleadingly. The boy hovered over her form, and cornered her in this confining space.
He bent down in front of her quickly; similar to a young child's eagerness as he giggled just the same.
"Oh, Laurie!" He exclaimed loudly that it scared her half to death and waved his hand in the air with such enthusiasm.
"I found you, I found you hiding behind this little crate!"
Her eyes snapped toward his hands he flung about, because she could see the blade in his hand. He noticed her gaze on his precious toy, and began scraping it noisily on the concrete floor.
She shut her eyes, and hid her face in between her knees. "Go away," She sobbed as her shoulder violently trembled.
"Why are you so scared? He murmured, as he began trailing his knife up her arm. His sudden change of demeanor unsettled the little girl. Laurie jerked upright form this sudden, cool touch and yelped as she noticed that her movement had caused a deep cut.
His expression changed into utter stillness as his eyes traveled down the blood that trickled down her arm.
The pain was almost unbearable as the gash had cut deep into her skin. She whimpered from the pain and hugged her arm to herself.
His face twitched, and he abruptly leaned over. She tried to back away but his hand clutched onto her shoulders tightly. She could feel his breathe, and his lips tickling her skin. His teeth softly grazed her neck.
Laurie couldn't breathe, this sudden closeness, almost intimate, that, combined with his promised to kill was all too much.
"Stop," she breathed, "Stop..." she cried.
The light from the flash light flickered off, and the dark swallowed them both once again.
The boy gorged onto her neck, enjoying the scream as he attempted to tear her skin apart. The smell was unbearable, but he wanted this. He ravished her, chunks of her skin were spat out, and blood squirted everywhere. He kept going; ignoring the screams and her violent struggle as he gagged himself with her blood.
His head felt dizzy, overwhelmed from the smell but didn't stop until her neck were messily torn to expose more blood, and veins, and bones. The moist, warm liquid drenched his face. He shuddered, and felt his stomach churning from this total sickness of it all.
He gulped at the sight of his masterpiece as he giggled wildly. "I want to be a vampire," he hissed, seeing the girl still slightly conscious.
His eyes widen from surprise. He titled her head to him and saw her eyes wandering their surroundings, drunkly.
"I want to be a vampire, Laurie..." he wanted her to understand. He pressed his fingers to the moist, unfamiliar touch of raw blood and organs and shivered with pleasure.
"I'm not sorry," he mumbled in a chilling calmness as blood drenched his face and dripped onto the floor softly
- by BiggieSmall123 |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 02/02/2009 |
- Skip
![](https://graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/arena-images/ic_paper_corner_32x32.gif)
- Title: I've caught you now.
- Artist: BiggieSmall123
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Description:
Teenage ideal to become the center of their obsession.
It's been edited to my best; 2/11/09
Edited Again. 3/2/09 - Date: 02/02/2009
- Tags: caught
- Report Post
Comments (7 Comments)
- Fireweed_honey - 03/10/2009
- Pretty good. The change from italics to normal for the boy's talking confused me.
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- UC Poika - 03/10/2009
- I was a very good story. Needs editing.
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- Metastability - 03/07/2009
- Hey! I liked it. Aside from a few grammatical errors, this has definite awesomeness potential. Glad it's not one of those stereotypical vampire stories. Like Resurrected Writer said, I have trouble following the characters, but I think this boy is gonna be one awesome crazy! With editing and research (sure learned my lesson), this could be epic. I think this could be a multi-chaptered piece. Overall, 5/5. I think you have a vein of talent hidden deep inside you.
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- -Resurrected Writer- - 03/04/2009
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Interesting concept, flawed execution. I couldn't get behind the characters, especially when one is repeatedly saying "He's crazy, he's crazy, he's crazy" and the other just feels like an insincere attempt at doing a villain with insane(TM) tendencies.
Furthermore, a lot of your dialogue tags are redundant to the text (" 'Oh, Laurie!' he exclaimed loudly... with such enthusiasm" There was already an exclamation point, which is loud and enthusiastic by itself). - Report As Spam
- animejunkie48777 - 03/03/2009
- That was very well written! I loved it! I was like : EWWW at some parts but over all wonderful!!! I really enjoyed it. Good job. A twisted story but over all good I'm glad it wasn't another twilight.
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- Faded Dreams5 - 03/01/2009
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very good job with this. I appreciated the fact that it didn't turn into another dumb cliche vampire story (I'll admit, when I started reading, I was afraid it would). Very twisted, but nice. I thouroughly enjoyed it!
The only suggestion I would make is the grammar. It could use some work, but grammar's always a struggle.
EXCELLENT WORK!!! - Report As Spam
- Lolita the Vampire - 03/01/2009
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What are you in my head? GTFO mah brahen! lol!
Wow, I did not see that ending coming! Wonderfully written, really felt for the girl and a certain fear of our "vampire" friend. Grammer could use some work but then who's doesn't?
Please keep writing! heart - Report As Spam