• August 6th, 1649


    My life seems worthless now. I am not happy, joyful, or even satisfied with life anymore. I love my children, but I despise my husband. I cannot do anything anymore, I have no energy, no life, no sense of anything; I feel numb. He takes away everything I cherish, despite my effort to do as I am told to. I cook, I clean, I take care of the children, I do everything I am supposed to do, but nothing seems right. O Lord, please forgive me for writing such foolish words, but I need your help. I cannot get a divorce unless I betray my vows for another man, but that is not option. There is no man in the colony that I am in love with, and to be caught in adultery is disgraceful and mortifying. To have to divorce with my husband is worse than suicide. The only other option is to run away. But I have seen the ads in the church and the newspapers. And I have seen what happens when women are captured. It is risky and if I am caught I could be even more humiliated and beaten half-to-death. But I have no choice; I have to do this now. I cannot take anything with me, as that would be stealing from him. But I will take this journal with me since I bought it with my own money before I was married. I will sneak quietly out of the house and run fast, avoiding everyone’s sight. Goodbye children, I will miss you. Goodbye George, I wish that you will never find me.

    Isabella