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Intro
Hi my name is Bloo. I'm currently on the 10th level of Hel, a facility run by the 7th sentinel Ifrit, on the verge of dying. Why might you ask, because of a madman named Javaman. It all started long ago in my hometown The town of Azure. It started like a regular day little did i know it was anything but regular."Hey Bloo wake UP!" a girly sweet voice shouted."Wait up I'm getting ready!" I replied angrily. I put on my blue shirt, blue pants, and my blue shoes. Everyone or most people (except mainly tourists) wore blue everyday. It was actually in our town charter that if we didn't wear blue atleast five days out of the week we get a 200 gold fine with tourists as exceptions of course. Well anyway after I dressed I stepped outgside my small and blue room. I lived in an orphanage and you can probably guess why. If not then it is because my parents were killed when I was two. My memory is shady, but they say it was an orc attack. All i can remember is fire though. Anyway i stepped out of my room and saw a little brown haired, hazel eyed, light skinned girly elf dressed in all blue. It was Clair. Clair was one of my best friends. I've known her since I came to this orphanage."C'mon Bloo were gonna be late for school." Clair said angrily while crossing her arms." Alright I'm ready lets go!" And with that we set off. As were walking outside down the road I looked back at the blue run-down building and had the strangest feeling as ifthis was the last time I was going to be able to look upon it. Little did i know it was.
- by Jeneral Java |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/26/2008 |
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- Title: Looking into the Eyes of a Mad
- Artist: Jeneral Java
- Description: The full title is Looking into the Eyes of a Madman, but it didn't fit so oh well. This is the first time I've ever written a story so don't be too harsh. And also this is the intro and if you like it I am writing the story in my journal. I would also like advice on how make this story better. Thank you for listening to my rambling hopefully you'll like this story.
- Date: 11/26/2008
- Tags: looking into eyes
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Comments (4 Comments)
- y e s s s s z - 01/23/2010
- I like it! A little more detail would be nice, but really other than that, AWESOME!!!!!
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- mysticrydder - 02/25/2009
- not too shabby. but um... what with the blue? great beginning! ^.^ thumb's up!
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- Roswitha - 01/15/2009
- I have to agree with xxFullMetalAngelXx. It's a nice story and the start sort of reminded me of Dante's Inferno for some reason. Just work on combining sentences and being a bit more detail.
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- Rurousha Nue - 01/01/2009
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Blue? -looks curious- O.O why blue?
Hm, well, anyway advice time! -woOt-
Just the basics, I think; grammer, spelling, paragraphs. All o' that boring stuff actually helps create a good story..I only saw a few errors in yours though, so..good job! ^o^ ~Try combining simple sentences and expanding the story with detail~ over all though, not bad. -nods approvingly- keep writting. - Report As Spam