• If only it wasn't so, that this day didn't come. Nothing could ever be the same, no, not after what I've done. Looking back, I see that holding her was wrong. I just can't let myself do that to her again, never.

    It was just another cold day, a small fortelling of what was to come. A cold white blanket of death covered the ground, water froze over the surface of lakes, there was no movement, everything had settled into this hostile enviroment. I just sat there, within the cold expanse of darkness in my car, contemplating what I would say to her, how I could deal with it. How much of a coward I was, frozen here, unable to bring myself to act, to go to her for once. I knew she'd be crying, the pain torn a damned hole into her being, yet here I was, sitting but a mere block away from her house, unable to bring myself to go up to it and talk to her.

    Finally I brought the engine back to life, deciding to just move, let it all pour out when it came. I pulled into the drive and cut the engine, alone with my thoughts once more, but stepped out quickly before control could take over once more. The path was dimly lit, a pale blue light decended upon the snow, ice covered the walkway, I cast a glance at her truck as I walked past, windows down, she had rushed. I walked next to the path in snow, I'd do absolutely horrible on ice.

    I finally reached the door, pulled my hand up to the doorbell and froze for a last thought, Would I really want to see her like this? Would she really welcome seeing me after what I had done to her? I shook it off quickly, I'd deal with it later, it had to be done. I pressed the button and waited, once more contemplating things, what she would look like, how much pain she would be in, how I would deal with it without breaking myself in half.

    The door cracked open an inch, then finally all the way. There in the doorway stood her father. "I'm sorry, but could I please speak with her?"

    "She doesn't want to see anyone, I suggest you leave," he said coldly. I froze for a second and then just nodded, turning slowly on the path and trudging back towards my car. How could I have done this to her? Never had she refused to see me, never had she refused to listen.

    I slipped back into my car and drove down to the lake, How could I have been such a fool? I sat there for a bit, letting the engine run, the warmth pour over me a bit, reviling in what I had done to her. Then killed the engine, stepped out, and walked down the walkway a bit, then down the extension over the lake. The ice was but a foot beneath me. We had shared so much here, it was our escape, a place few came to and a place we could go to to talk alone.

    Those beautiful amber eyes, nothing could pierce through to your soul better than these. If only I could still gaze into those, if only I could still hold that warm gaze. I'll regret this for eternity, but it must be done. It seemed our time had past now with my latest act of stupidity, such a fool I had been, how naive. I'd tell her my decsion tomorrow, it would be best, I was holding her back.

    I turned and began my walk back down the walkway, my feet flew out from underneath me, I had slipped on a patch of ice. I hit the frozen surface of the lake and it broke immediately, it's icy waters engulfed me. I struggled on the surface, feeling around for the gap, trying to keep calm, a fearful mind now would surely mean death. Faintly I heart a voice calling, the dim light of headlights over the lake, a vague figure running toward the lake, screaming at the top of her lungs. I felt around the surface, punching, Damnit! I can't die with her here!

    She turned to the side and cast glance down at the ice, her eyes widened with the sight of the hole and my struggling. She quickly threw herself down on the path and started breaking away at the ice, working franticly. She thrust her hand down, pulling vigorously, struggling to pull me up upon the walkway.

    "Never do that to me!" she yelled at me once she had got me out of the icy water, trembling with fear, or possibly anger. She stared at me for a second, her eyes blazing, I smiled despite the bitting cold. She put her arm around me, helping me up the path, despite my stumbling and trembling she pratically pulled me up the walkway to her truck and threw me in. I laughed at myself, she was better than what I had anticipated.