• What a Heart Wills

    July 12th 1787

    Nineteen year old Christine Roberts stared out her window at the gorgeous English summer day. Over the past few days it had rained everyday, but now the sun was out in full force and the air smelled like fresh country air. She felt her brown hair that was in a stylish bun with curls down the side. Looking down at her low square neck fashionable blue gown she wondered why she only wished for one thing. “To be free.” Closing her eyes she refused to look around the room. She knew she had no right to wish such a thing, a million girls would die to bear her name. Christine Roberts, daughter of one of the wealthiest men in all of England and she wished to be free.

    Opening her eyes she looked at the rolling hills and green grass. Beautiful trees lined the garden and rose bushes bloomed. Turning around Christine looked about the room. The walls were painted mahogany and oak built in bookshelves lined the walls. The floor was hardwood with a large mahogany and gold carpet spread out. A table was in the center of the room with four Queen Anne styled chairs surrounding it. A knock sounded on the door before a lady walked in. Rose walked in wearing a black and white maids gown. Her graying brownish black hair was pulled into a tight plain bun. She walked across the room and curtsied in front of Christine.

    “Madam, Your Father wishes you to join him in the morning room.” Rose said simply with a smile.

    “Thank you Rose.” Christine said nodding her head. “I will go down there now.” Christine sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly placing her hand on her stomach. She headed for the door with Rose at her heels. Rose opened the large oak door and entered a long corridor with a balcony over looking the entryway. The corridor was hunter green with mahogany trimmings. It wasn’t dark nor light. The light from the downstairs came up making the hall appear heavenly. Walking down the staircase Christine came to the landing very quickly, she turned right and continued down the stairs and through the entryway. She took the farthest door on her right and walked through a series of rooms before walking into the room that was the color of a dark sea. Her father Edward Roberts stood when she entered and walked around the table to pull out a seat. The small table was by a large window and a fireplace was on the right wall. A sitting area filled with settees and tables was opposite of them.

    “Thank you Father.” Christine said as she took her seat.

    “How are you this fine morning?” He asked avoiding her eye.

    “Very well, and yourself?” Christine faced the window realizing she was half telling the truth.

    “Good, good. Beautiful morning isn’t it?” He said following her gaze.

    “Yes.” She flatly answered. The normal sudden anger at her father
    raised again, so sudden and unexpected she stiffened her entire body. Hoping he wouldn’t notice she let out a calm breath.

    “Are you alright?” He asked eyeing her carefully.

    “Yes fine. I had a rough night. That’s all” Christine lied, in truth she slept fine.

    “Are you hungry?” Edward asked.

    Christine nodded her head without saying anything. Edward summoned Rose over and had her bring out some breakfast and tea. They sat in silence each one lost in his and her thoughts, until Rose appeared with a tray of ham, eggs, toast, honey and tea. Taking a plate and making her tea with milk and honey Christine glanced at her father. He was making his tea and took a small bite of ham.

    “Where is Mother?” Christine asked before taking a bite of her eggs.

    “She got up early and left for town. She had some dresses to pick up.”

    “Oh.” Was all she said.

    “Which reminds me…”

    “Oh no here it comes! Another suitor and another disappointment.” Christine thought biting gently into her toast.

    “I have a dinner I would like you to attend with me.” Edward said looking at her now.

    “No.” Stiffening, her mind started to race. “What are you thinking? You can’t talk to him like that! Surely you are in for it now!”

    “Excuse me?” Edward’s mouth tightened into a thin line with anger. “What did you say?”

    “I…I mean maybe I shouldn’t.” Christine raised her eyes to meet his gaze.

    “May I ask why not?” Edward said sitting up straighter.

    “Well…” She was at a lost for words. “I was just thinking maybe I should stay home this one time.”

    “No you are coming.” Was all he said stiffly.

    “Oh, Father can’t I stay home just this once?” Christine begged forgetting about excuses.

    “Allow me to remind you Christine that you didn’t attend the last dinner.”

    It was true, somehow she had managed her way out of that. Giving a ‘humph’ Christine settled into her chair more. “Why? Why must I go?”

    “Christine!” Edward gave her disgusted look of disbelief. “You are to become the heiress of the manor and all of London’s society is watching you! Besides, do you want to end up a old maiden?”

    “So that’s it?! You are taking me to the dinner to meet some…some man?!” Christine asked raising her voice.

    “You are my daughter and will not raise your voice to me.” Edward said calmer than she was expecting. “Now you will go to the dinner tonight and meet him. His name is Lord George Richardson. Very wealthy.”

    “No. I told you before Father I will not marry against my will.”
    Christine had only eaten half of her breakfast and she was already finished. Her puffy blue dress made her feel extremely hot for some reason. “Will you excuse me?”

    “Yes. Be ready by five o’ clock.” Edward said ushering Rose to come and clean up the table.

    Christine stood to her feet and walked past Rose swiftly. She didn’t care where her feet took her as long as it was away from here! She ran up the stairs and into her elegant blue and white bedroom. A large bed with a ceiling to floor canopy was on the other side of the room in front of the windows, a fireplace was opposite of the bed and two windows were on the left hand wall. A table with comfy chairs was set up on the far right and her vanity and wardrobes as well as more chairs were all around the room. Rushing across the floor Christine pulled open a door that led to her changing room. The changing room was the same color, blue painted walls and white trimmings. Reaching over she grabbed a white shawl from it’s hook incase she got cold. Turning around she stopped when she came face to face with the floor length mirror. Her hair was pulled up and looked perfect, done up in a bun with cascading curls. Her face as many people had described it was like an angel. Her cheeks were pinched red and her jewelry was just so. Her long beautiful blue satin dress puffed out and was trimmed with lace. Yet her bluish green eyes didn’t have the same shine that she had known years before when she was just a young girl, now they held a certain sadness. She took a step closer. “I cannot stay here. I am not happy.” She reached her right hand up and touched her sterling silver cross that hung from blue sheer fabric. Closing her eyes she realized that this life had been eating away at her for many years. She yearned for something different, to go somewhere and have nothing matter but happiness.

    She dropped her hand and reached for the door, she rushed out into the corridor and down the stairs and through a side door.

    Once outside she took a deep breath of fresh air. “I will not marry you Lord Richardson, but I know who I want to be with right now.” Picking up her skirts she trotted down the lane and opened the gate. Once she was about a quarter mile down the dirt road she allowed herself to enjoy the countryside. The trees and grass were so green and birds sang. She looked to her right as she walked and for miles upon miles all she saw was rolling hills and plenty of sheep. This is where she had grown up, this was her life. Yet why was she so unhappy with it?

    She walked along the dusty path knowing that once she got there and she saw him everything would be okay. For two more miles she walked before the quaint Tudor style town came into view. Her pace quickened with eagerness. She walked by people and horses and buggies in the street nodding her head as a greeting occasionally. She rounded a corner on the main road and made her way to the blacksmith’s shop.

    The sound of pounding metal and talking men greeted her as she found her way inside. She stopped by a old post and leaned against it waiting for him to be done. John Maynard. When she was fourteen her father brought his horse in to be shod, that was when she met him. He had raven black hair and bright blue eyes, he was muscular, handsome, sweet and very much a gentleman. But as far as her parents were concerned he was a good for nothing piece of rubbish. There were two main reasons her father despised him, he was the poor son of a blacksmith and his distinct Welsh accent. Sure they thought he had a good and had steady hand and was okay for a blacksmith, but nothing else. Edward Roberts was bound and determined that his daughter would marry a wealthy English Lord! Of course he had no knowledge whatsoever of John. He had first called on her late one evening when her father had retired to his bedroom. She was fifteen at the time. Every since then they have snuck out in the wee hours of the morning to take midnight walks by the pond or sit and star gaze while venting all of their problems to one another. He swore that someday he would have the money to take her away, of course she knew this would most likely never happen, after all he was a blacksmith and she was a heiress.

    She dreamed though. After one of their late night walks or her sneaking into town like today, she would always dream.

    When he was finished with the chestnut horse he was working on, he stood up and wiped his forehead. Glancing toward the door he spotted her. A smile lit his face up and leaned over and whispered something to Jack Aldridge the owner of the shop. Jack grinned and nodded to whatever John had said. John made his way as quickly as possible around the many obstacles.

    His smile lit up his face even more when he reached her. “What a pleasant surprise!” He said leaning on the same pole as she.

    Laughing she flung herself into his arms not caring who was watching or if anyone would tell. He picked her up off the ground easily with his 5.7 frame compared to her 5.3.

    “I am sorry if I bothered you.” Christine said sincerely into his shoulder.

    “No, no don’t think of such a thing. They have plenty of men here and they won’t miss for a little while.” John said releasing her to look in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

    Even when Christine covered her worries with a convincing smile he always knew when she was upset. “It’s my father…” She started tears filling her eyes.

    “Come on now. Lets go somewhere where we can talk.” John put his arm around her shoulder and led her down a few roads and a back path before they reached the pond. All the time he held her tight knowing she needed to feel some support. They sat down in the grass under a weeping willow tree. “What did he do this time?”

    “He’s just forcing me to go to another one of his fancy dinners.” Christine said angrily. “He wants me to meet Lord Richardson.”

    “What?” John looked at her with a furious look. “Going to one of his dinners is one thing Christy, choosing your husband? No! And Lord Richardson? I understand Lord Hawthorn last year and Lord Harrow, but Lord Richardson? He is a thirty-eight year old nasty man who has been married three times!”

    “Oh my. How do you know more about him than me?” Christine asked in disbelief.

    “When you’re a blacksmith you hear these things.” He said quietly pushing back a strand of her hair.

    Looking out into the pond Christine watched the ducks. “He’s going to make me marry John.” Christine said staring off into space.

    “Not if I have a say.” John said pulling her close.

    She leaned her head against him and whispered, “John, my father doesn’t even know about you. How can you have a say? Even if you did you know he wouldn’t allow it.” Christine snuggled closer to him as she spoke.

    “I know that. But I will try. I promised you I would take you away, and I will.” He held her in his arms, praying one thing “God let it be true, please don’t make her be forced to lead a unhappy life. Give me the sources to take her away. Make her happy.”

    “I love you.” Christine whispered as a tear slid down her cheek one after another.

    “I love you too, forever.” John suddenly wondered what life would be like with her living on the other side of London days away from him, for her to be gone from his life forever. They laid there for what seemed like only minutes when he had to awaken her. He hated to do that, she looked so content so peaceful he hated the thought of her going back to the manor and having the rest of her day be ruined.

    “Hmm.” She slowly opened her eyes and yawned. Her hair had flattened a bit and her dress was ruffled and a little dirty. “What happened?”

    “You fell asleep.” He said rubbing her shoulder.

    “Oh I did? For how long?” Christine asked sitting halfway up and looking at him.

    “Only about a half hour.” He said wishing they didn’t have to leave. “But if you want to make it back in time for the midday meal then I suppose we should go.”

    “The midday meal.” Christine said the words while thinking on them, in all honesty she would rather go the rest of the day without eating and stay here with him. But she knew that wasn’t possible, it would raise to many questions and he would miss work. “Well then I guess it would be best for me to leave.”

    “Let me give you a ride at least halfway home.” John said eagerly.

    “I wish you could, but no. I would not want to chance it.” Christine said with fresh glistening tears in her eyes.

    John nodded in understanding and leaned over and kissed her. “I will come by later tonight. One o’ clock?”

    “Yes that would be perfect!” Christine said as he helped her to her feet.

    “Good I can’t wait.” He pulled her back into his arms and held her close again.

    “I love you John. I always will.” Christine said quietly.

    John said nothing just held her and wished he could give her some sort of comfort and assurance. “Try to enjoy the dinner. Okay?”

    Letting out a light laugh Christine responded, “I’ll try for you.”

    He kissed the top of her head and then put his arm around her shoulders as they started for town. It was only about a ten minute walk, much to short. He walked her to the end of town and they discussed issues with each other. How his family was, how she could convince her father not to make her marry against her will neither of them could think of anything that would work. When they reached the end of the tree shaded main road leading back to the manor he leaned over and kissed her forehead again then hugged her before she turned to go.

    “Good bye. I will see you tonight!” Christine said smiling.

    “Good bye for now Christy. One o’ clock!” He said smiling as she walked away.

    She grinned to herself as he called her Christy, he always had, but he was the only person to ever call her anything besides Christine. The walk home seemed long and when she arrived back at the manor she had no time to freshen up before the midday meal. Walking in through the side door she climbed a second passage to the upstairs. Once she opened her bedroom door she prayed that no one had noticed she was gone. She entered her room and walked over to the left where the basin was and washed her hands and face. When she was done she turned around and suddenly a feeling of anxiety washed over her. A beautiful blue ball gown lay on top of her bed. Meaning her mother had been there.

    “Umm hmm!” A woman’s voice cleared her throat from the doorway.

    Turning around slowly Christine came face to face with her mother, Elspeth Roberts. Her dark brown hair was pulled up into a fancy up do and she wore a satin gown of pastel colors.

    “Where were you?” She said calmly as she entered the room.
    “On a walk Mother.” Christine said cheerfully.

    “Where to?” Elspeth asked eyeing her daughter.

    “Town.”

    “If you wanted to go into town you could have taken the carriage.” Elspeth said with a snicker.

    “Mother I wanted to walk!” Christine was getting tired of her mothers we’re-better-than-them attitude and she knew that’s what she was pulling.

    “You will not use that tone with me Christine.” She said standing in front of her.

    Christine pursed her lips and stared into her mothers eyes.

    “I think we need to have a talk about your attitude.” Elspeth held her white gloves in her hands as she glared into her daughters eyes.

    “I am late for the midday meal, and so are you.” Christine said returning the glare.

    Elspeth nodded and turned around heading for the door. Christine followed her mother five steps behind her.