• Kajile sat in her bedroom, dismally watching the sky turn outside her bedroom window. She leaned on the windowframe, her ink pen and notebook laying at her fingertips. At the far corner of the windowframe, a tiny green candle was lit. Kajile yawned deftly out of boredom and lifted a tiny vial of rose oil high above the flame, precariously balancing a drop of the liquid in the lip of the bottle with her delicate, pale fingers. She watched the drop of the murky, sweet smelling liquid hang in the air with her dark grey eyes, hunger evident and consuming, demanding in their air from inside her dark grey lids. A tiny fraction of her hand she tilted, so little that no human would've noticed it, and the drop fell. She watched the flame rise up to meet the drop and hiss, diffusing the cloying scent of roses through her room.

    She peeled her lips back in the darkness, tasting it through the air. Her canines weren't outstandingly long, but they were sharp, along with her molars. They resembled the teeth of a dog. She licked her mouth and shuddered, her tongue slowly tracing over her pink lips. Clorophyll, sugar, fibers, and the sweet, comforting pollen of the rose... Tasty, but teasing and torturing to her mind. She slowly lowered her pale hand, capped the vial, and ran a hand through her dark hair. It was a milk chocolate brown with natural blonde highlights when struck by light. The blonde was fading out, though. She often got nauseated and weak from the sunlight, so the sun didn't provide the nessesscary bleaching and nutrients her body needed to keep the highlights present as they once were. She sighed, one last time, and set her pen to paper, writing in the sparce candlelight below the stars.

    ---It has been almost a year now, that I have known what I am. I am a vampire. What a sick word. It doesn't compare to reality. It isn't fun. There are no advantages to this life. Twilight makes me jealous. At least Edward doesn't have to deal with this s**t. Sure, I have increased senses. Sure, I have a little more muscle tone. But nothing too outstanding. I don't know, maybe I'm just being humble. Overall, I hate it... The increased senses. Every sudden, sharp sound, every overly pungent smell, any bright light! Instant pain that won't go away untill I retreat to somewhere dark and warm to sleep it off... Damn it all, a normal life is impossible. At first, the increased sensory abilities were such a pleasure. I could tell what was for lunch at school before I was even told just by tasting the air, and I could revel in my skill at feeling a familiar person's walk through the floor. But then, they got a little stronger... I could taste the inescapable, greasy, mixed-up medley of what people called the lunch options before I even got in the room, losing my appetite and causing dramatic wieght loss. I am constantly bombarded by sounds that others pay no mind to. The thumping of feet, the distant wailing of sirens, the crunch of food in mouths, heartbeats, cellphone beeps, and the high pitched whines and whirrs computers and other household objects give off are all around! It is enough to drive a person insane. --- Kajile stretched and popped her neck, then continued to write after rubbing her cold hands for a few moments to stimulate more circulation.

    ---And the hunger... At first, I ignored my hunger, hoping maybe I could wean myself off of the dependency. All I did was hurt myself and aggravate the situation... I was so ignorant. Its... unavoidable. After three weeks of ignoring it, I was driven to an extreme and I devoured an entire frozen steak from the fridge. It wasn't much, but it qwelled the snarling gut for a time. But eventually, after almost five months of coping, animal blood just didn't work as well anymore... I was getting hungrier and hungrier faster and faster between feedings. Things that were thawed from frozen weren't of much value anymore, untill I was practically filling my stomach with useless matter just so it'd have something to grind. I can't eat things once frozen. It tastes... dead. Things that have always been refrigerated, or never frozen for more than the breifest of times provided just a little appeasement, but not much... Now, they just don't seem to work at all unless it is rawest, bloodiest, and fresh as possible. I can't go on like this. Family will find out. I need a human donor. I dare not violate the rules and take one at such a young age, but at this point, I have little choice... I have no way of obtaining choice cuts and raw ingredients at the moment... --- Kajile's stomach grumbles and she curses under her breath, eating a few stale crackers to quiet it as she curses under her breath. She shakes her head and keeps writing.

    --- On a lighter note, I have been getting much better at staring people in the face. This new strength is bringing me new confidence, and I have scared a few of some of the impressionable student-body just by looking them in the eye. "I swear, it's like she is staring into your soul!" One exclaimed. Not much, though. I am generally very timid, shy, and overall unliked. My attitude, low patience, irritability and overall dry-humored demeanor as well as the fact that I approach many tasks with malice and fatigue make me seem like prey and weak to those who often pick upon thier fellow class-mates... Not only that, I tend to snap and insult or come off as hostile to many who'd otherwise approach me. I have found some friends, at least. It's odd, though... I enjoy thier company greatly, yet I always feel lonely when around them, like they'll never quite know all of me. It's sad that I enjoy myself the most around one of my more pessimistic friends. She allows me to beat myself up and feel bad about what I am. I hate it when she relates me to one she doesn't like, though, and picks at my less favorable qualities. It's not like I don't notice them. They are in my face every day, and not a day goes by I didn't feel such negativity and stubborness about many things. She feels the same way, too, but I don't b***h about it... Heh... It's odd that I can even smile thinking this negatively. Oh well. Being depressed this long helps. Kind of numbs you, you know? ---
    Kajile's stomach grumbles and she stands, sighing in annoyance. She takes off, running in lithe strides and bounds to her kitchen. She darted low to the floor in quick hops on the balls of her bare feet, a ghost in the pale darkness of her house with an unimpressionable face. Her black houserobe flashed out behind her. She eventually twirled to a stop on one foot and fished through a cabinet untill she found a package of m&ms and then she hopped to the fridge, yanking out a monster. She sped back to her room with both in hand, her body moving in elf-like, rag tag grace. She sat crosslegged before the window again, popping the top to the monster and ripping open the bag of candy. She quickly chewed and swallowed the m&ms and then chugged the monster, accenting her ravenous hunger with a quick belch. At least she filled her growling stomach with something. But, as always, in twenty minutes, she'd be hungry as she'd been as if she'd never gone to the kitchen at all, unless she got blood. Then she wouldn't be so hungry... So vicious... She crushed the monster can in her sinewy fist, flung it against the wall with a frustrated clank, and kept writing.
    --- The savageness and brutality I have taken on has deterred many from getting close, and I can feel myself growing steadily more and more alienated to human presence and interaction. I miss it, yet loathe it all together. If I could avoid associating with people, it'd probably get rid of the constant reminder that I'm not human... But would such lonliness and isolation really make a difference? I'd be just as lonely as I am now, if not more tortured from it all together. More than anything, I am just content to sit and watch others interact, watch thier happiness, their quarrels. Live my life listening to their experiences. It almost makes me happy watching the many young, impressionable, unspoiled youth live. They've not as heavy issues on thier mind as I, or at least, they don't let it off... I can't beleive what I have turned into. Anything that bleeds, anything with a thumping heart, I want it. It makes me sick with myself! Curse, only ballads of love have such intensity as these longings I feel! Love... I want to distract myself from the anguish I feel thinking of the monstrosity I am and touch on a new subject. Love. Well. I have met a male. Or rather, he has taken an interest in me. He is sweet, and kind. Garrishly annoying so, just because I don't know what to do with myself around him. He makes me feel happy. Like I belong. Yet again, he doesn't know the half of what I am... I feel... light. Warm. Staticky and crackly inside. But... that attraction will undoubtably prove dangerous to us both... I can't risk being hurt. I can't risk hurting him either. Yet, I want him. All for myself. My god, the confusing dreams I've had! The warmth I wake up to afterward! I shudder thinking of it. Yet... it is nice... it is whole feeling... I guess I'll feel out the situation a while longer... See if I can handle it... I don't want to give up yet... I shall try. I shall continue to hold in my hunger and tough it out... Untill next time... ---
    Kajile sighed, closed the notebook, and sat the pen on top of it. She shut her eyes, meditated with a soft "ohm" for a few moments, and bowed, thumbs to her chest. She blew out the candle, laid on her back in her bed, and stared at the ceiling, waiting for her body to get sleepy despite the nighttime hour.