• CHAPTER 48 - A DAY ON MY OWN

    It keeps eating at you, the feeling of possible guilt, wondering if you had done something wrong. Only time will tell...maybe...and you could fend off on your own...doubtfully.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    It had been another three days after Kai left me at the orphanage. I was headed back to school again, although it seemed a little early with the shabby condition I was left in. I looked like I didn't seem to care about much anymore. It couldn't get any worse, so why not go for it? I managed to get up early enough so I wouldn't have to worry about Chi being obsessive and walking me to the bus stop. I love Chi and all, but I don't want her to be clingy.

    When I sat on the bus stop bench, that middle-aged smoking lady from seven and a half months ago plopped herself next to me again with a giant cigarette between her fingers. Ah, yes, how I missed her. That chain smoker I had held a long-term grudge against for smoking near me. The bus finally came and I was off to start my first day on my very own once more.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    I could feel it again. I could feel the eyes of my peers burning through my being once more. This time, it was for a different reason...sort of. Even my peers could notice the change in my mood. I went from somber and grim to even more somber and grim. And I knew exactly what they were thinking because half of them saw me exit the bus...without Kai.

    "So, Kurabashi, where'd your little boy toy go?" a jock asked me while leaning against my desk before class started.

    I didn't respond. My heart was aching again and I clenched my fists to try and suppress the pain. I was more sensitive now, so the insults that I would normally shake off nonchalantly would stab me like machetes. I prepared myself for the worst as the blonde broad from a few weeks ago also leaned against my desk, flipping her golden locks around.

    "I would assume he got fed up with something," she scoffed.

    "With a girl like Kurabashi, it wouldn't be a surprise," the jock laughed, "I'm surprised he was with her as long as he was."

    "Did you run out of money to pay him?" the blonde sneered, "Or did he get tired of the sex?"

    The depression was buiding up rapidly, but not as quickly as the anger that trailed after her words. They were from the same context as when Kai picked me up from school that one time.

    "Well, my new assumption, correct me if I'm wrong," she informed politely, "is that he probably ditched her at the orphanage if she wasn't still living there."

    That was it. The bell for class to begin rang and she stood up to take her seat. I stopped her short by gripping her golden locks and pulling back hard, causing her to bend backwards and shriek. The jock grasped my right bicep and pryed my hands off of the blonde's hair. He whipped me around to confront me and I only greeted him with a slap across the face. I ignored the other classmates' stares. These two were taking it too far. They hit the pain dead-on and therefore, they were going to pay for it big time.

    "Kurabashi, what's your problem?!" the jock asked me, gripping my bicep harder.

    "Get the hell away from me!" I punched his chest.

    He winced and coughed a few times after I beat his chest a little more. I was oblivious to the fact that he's human so it will hurt if I punch him. Unlike Kai, my blows to his chest felt like a spring breeze.

    "Hey, hey, what are you two doing??!!" the teacher finally entered the classroom and pryed me off of the jock.

    "She's a goddamn maniac!!" the blonde shouted.

    "What started this?!" the teacher's face was turning red already.

    The classroom went silent and everybody's gaze was turned towards me. I wasn't going to say anything. I wanted this to end. I wanted me to end. I couldn't bear going another day without Kai, another day of torture at school. My whole point of wanting to live again left me, and that jock and the blond just had to bring that up. They didn't even know for sure and they guessed it right by assuming he dumped me at the orphanage.

    My face was burning from the frustration and the tears that overflowed. I had no control over my body now. I turned around and punched the jock's chest again and turned and darted out of the classroom. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. Maybe I was finding a bridge to jump off of? Or maybe a weapon to plunge into my midriff? It wasn't until I noticed a familiar path that I knew where I was going. But I was upset because it wasn't leading me to Kai. It was leading me to a different house with a different person who I could trust with anything.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    I pounded on the door hard, nearly shattering my wrist. I waited and waited while my tears were still blazing down my cheeks. I couldn't tell anymore if I was depressed or furious. I continued to wait and wait until the door opened, revealing the familiar and relieving face of Akatsuki. He was shirtless and drying off his hair; probably just got out of the shower.

    "Akatsuki!!" I threw myself into his torso and held him tightly.

    "Arisa?" Akatsuki breathed, probably out of breath from how hard I ran into him, "What are you doing here?"

    "I-I--" I couldn't even finish my sentence.

    My sobbing got the best of me and finally caused my legs to go limp and I collapsed, allowing Akatsuki to break my fall. He picked me up right away and shut the door behind him and carried me to the couch. He sat me down on it and held my face in his hands, searching my tear-soaked eyes to find what was wrong.

    "Arisa, did somebody try to force themselves on you again?" Akatsuki interrogated, still searching my eyes.

    I shook my head, still not able to find words. I was grief-stricken. I wanted everything to end and not care who would mourn or not. I knew Kai wouldn't mourn. He probably wouldn't even know. Akatsuki and I sat for a very long moment after he sat on the couch next to me and allowed me to wrap my arms around him. I needed comfort. And now that everybody else I loved was gone, Akatsuki was the only one who I could tell anything now.

    "Arisa?" Akatsuki whispered, searching my eyes again, "You need to tell me what happened. Where's Uketomeru?"

    "Don't say that!" I burst, "Don't say his name!"

    Akatsuki grasped my biceps and glared, "What did he do to you?"

    There was no escaping him now. I probably looked like a train wreck right after he said Kai's name. I had no choice now but to tell him.

    "Akatsuki, he..." I coughed, "He left me. He dropped me off at the orphanage with my things and he left."

    Akatsuki was taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. I shouldn't have told him, but I couldn't hold it back anymore. I needed to tell somebody about the hell I was going through. There was nobody else except for Akatsuki that I knew that knew about Vampires. He was the only one I could turn to.

    "Some kids at school were giving me a bunch of s**t about it," I cried, "so I got in a fight with them and ran away from school."

    Akatsuki held me close to him again and stroked my hair, "I'll kill him," he breathed.

    I shoved Akatsuki away, "No! You can't!!"

    "Look at what he did to you!" Akatsuki pointed out, "He can't just leave you like that!"

    "If you kill him, I'll never forgive you!" I cried, "I still love him!"

    Akatsuki glared again, "How could you still be in love with that monster after what he just did? When did this happen?"

    "About four or five days ago," I took a shaky breath, "Please don't feel the urge to kill him. He did it for my well-being."

    "How is it for your own good if you turned out like this?" he interrogated again, "Look at yourself."

    "Shut up," I demanded, "I don't completely understand either, but I'm sure he made the right choice."

    Akatsuki sighed, "Do you need something to eat?"

    I shook my head, "No. I'm fine."

    "No you're not," Akatsuki pointed out again, "I'm going to make you something."

    "I said I'm fine!" I shouted at him as he stood up.

    "I don't care, Arisa," he hissed, "You're going to be staying here."

    "What?" I whispered, "Why?"

    "Because I can't trust you being on your own now," he sighed, turning towards me.

    I glared at him for a long time and I finally gave in, collapsing onto the couch. Akatsuki pulled a fleece blanket over me and pressed his hand against my forehead. I knew I had a fever even before he did that. I overworked myself too much, way too much, and now I would most likely have a fever for a few days. And if I'm lucky, vomiting.

    "I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm sorry I had to drag you into this so abruptly."

    Akatsuki smiled faintly, "You should have told me about this sooner,"

    "I'm still sorry," I sighed.

    "I'm going to help you through this. Whether it takes an eternity or not."

    "Just promise me one thing," I whispered as Akatsuki leaned in, "Don't have the urge to kill Kai."

    Akatsuki frowned a little and rubbed my shoulder, "Take a nap. Your food is going to take a while."

    I was feeling sick to my stomach. What a week. I couldn't get that lonely night out of my head, the night that Kai left me in the cold in front of the orphanage. I could still remember standing outside, wearing his parka, and watching his tail lights dim as he sped off. Every time I would imagine his face after I said I hated him, my heart would always rip in half. How could I have said something so horrible to him? I kept reminiscing that last kiss, that last kiss that I tried to escape. I saviored it now, loved it more than anything.

    I was still dwelling on the past, still thinking of him. What else can I do? I couldn't talk to anybody else about it. But now that I'm here with Akatsuki, maybe I'll end up forgetting about Kai? Maybe I'll finally learn to move on?

    But I...I don't want to forget about Kai...I want to dwell on him...He was my only life source...