• Action and Consequence


    Walking with an aim this time I strolled into the direction I felt I should, willingly. I was excited even in death, and all of these lights were nothing but inspiration. I felt I had altered the entire world and it made me feel special. Walking down the side walk I heard the sound of a chain swinging back and forth, it was the familiar sound of a swing set. Walking over I saw a young girl, she looked around six or seven years old but I was sure I had never met this girl. There was something different about this encounter, the feeling that was pulling me to where I had to go led past her. There was an ominous presence about her, but she looked so delicate. I had never met a real stranger in this world before, obviously it was natural to go against my better judgment and go speak to her. Whats the worst that could happen after all, I'm already dead, I thought with naivety. Walking across the playground and standing next the the girl as she swung back and forth, hardly moving at all though. She looked depressed or in deep thought, it was a look that didn't suite someone so young; almost as if she had been bullied.
    "Hey there girl, what are you doing here? Isn't it lonely to play here all alone?" I asked in a friendly manner, hoping for some clarity in her response. I waited a few moments, but she just squinted her eyes and stared down at the muddy ground of the playground.
    "Alright then, ya don't have to talk to me. Do you mind if I take a seat here then?" I motioned towards an empty swing next to her. I figured that I was dead and had eternity to get where I needed to anyway, a little detour couldn't hurt. The girl shook her head back and forth a few times in refusal. I scratched my head and walked around and sat on a swing two seats down.
    "Fine, I'll sit over here then." I said casually. I had always had a liking for kids, they were so much simpler to talk to then people my age, so for that reason I developed a great patience for dealing with them. As I watched her she looked over for a moment but quickly looked away when she saw I was looking back at her.
    "Oh wow, you sure are a shy one, I promise I don't bite" I said a bit playfully. She had about shoulder length hair it looked like, but I couldn't be sure since they were in pig tails. She sat there in overall's and had a pretty muddy face, it made me think of her as a bit of a tom boy. Moments later it seemed she developed some confidence and looked up at me without looking away. She had sad blue eyes that were trembling, or at least I imagined them blue in this gray world. I just smiled back hoping that she'd talk to me a bit.
    "The dog. You saved him." She yelled at me with a forced smile. The type of smile someone like her shouldn't have had to show at that age. It was a protective smile. The type someone gave for somebody else's happiness at the expense of their own. A very sad smile indeed.
    "Oh? did I? Yeah... A silly way to die really. An impulse and nothing more" I said facing up to what I did again. I looked back on it for a few moments while a tear she didn't mean to let out fell and she wiped her face, looking away.

    The Incident
    Just another day. A normal day so far. No drama. Nothing life changing. Me and my buddies were walking home from school, heading over to my buddy marks house. It was an instance where I froze. There was a dog walking down the side of the road; not a big dog, it was a puppy with a tag and everything, probably scared and confused. It looked so young, less than a year old, and looked so cute, unfortunately that cute look was accompanied by the look of being lost. The screech of trouble was down the block however, me and my friends backed up far from the road. There was a truck out of control swerving back and forth going at least 60 in this 30 mile zone. I froze when the dog ran into the middle of the street to greet it. What should I do?! I thought in a panic, I can't let something so unfair happen to that creature. That's how I felt anyway, but I was bolted to the ground, I was human after all. I didn't have any more time to think and I broke loose from my icy stiff position though, I knew for a fact that none of my other friends would; they aren't bad people but they weren't that nice either. I thought I wasn't going to make it, the dog was perfectly in the path of that truck. I could hear my friends yells but none of them chased after me, they were just utterly hoping their voices would bring me back. Deep inside I wanted to listen. On impulse I didn't. On impulse I pushed the dog out of the trucks path. On impulse I died in an instance. Just another day. A normal day. No drama. Nothing life changing. That's the description of every day of my life. Today that description changed for a moment in the lime light. My last word was something ironic. Lying on the ground the dog walked by and sniffed me and then walked away as if nothing happened. I read it's name off of its dog tag.
    "Lucky"

    "No! It wasn't silly! You saved the doggy, don't say it's silly!" The girl yelled, getting a little more confident as she talked to me. It tickled to think that I was being lectured by a kid.
    "Ya know, you're really mature and all for how old you are but I still wouldn't expect you to understand. How old are ya anyway?" I asked trying to change the subject. She was a stubborn little girl.
    "Would you do it again if you had a do over!?" She asked me. That was a hard question, This was a pretty determined grade schooler.
    "I-...Maybe" I said uncertainly. I was the one looking down now. I was put in a corner by someone possibly less then half my age.
    "No! you're not allowed to say maybe, just yes or no!" She cried.
    "Look, its more complicated than that. This isn't a video game, there aren't any do overs!"
    "Pretend!"
    "No"
    "You wouldn't save the doggy again?"
    "Not that, no I'm not going to pretend"
    "You have to!"
    "No I don't!"
    "Yes you do!!!" She yelled louder. We stared at each other for a few seconds, I couldn't believe I was arguing with this kid so intensely, it was actually amusing. I just wanted her to understand that I didn't wanna think about jumping in front of that truck again.
    "Look! You have no idea what it feels like to die. It's cold and painful and something that could make decisions like that hard." I explained. Her eyes wavered and she looked down into the dirt again.
    "Yes I do." The little girl muttered with the saddest expression I had ever seen.
    "Excuse me? You mean you're..." It was hard for me to say it while looking at her. Something hard to swallow. She nodded as a tear fell from her eyes again. We both stared down at the ground in silence together. She was so young, what could have killed her? I wondered solemnly.
    "You somehow know how I died, but I never even thought that you might have been at the same point too. I'm sorry. How did you know about the incident with the dog though? I'm... confused" I said sadly while still looking at the ground. Through my peripheral I noticed her look up and sat up in a similar fashion.
    "I watched it happen. When the man hit you I was standing over on the sidewalk." She said in a way that made me shiver for some reason.
    "Wait, How did you...-"
    "-Die?" She cut my sentence off, but all I did was nod. I could feel I wouldn't like the answer but I felt compelled to know.
    "When the bad man hit you, he took a sharp right onto the sidewalk straight into me while trying to avoid you... just a bit to late." I began to shake. Was she really saying that it was my fault that she died? How could I play god like that?! I saved the life of a god damned dog and ended the life of both myself and an innocent little girl. I'm a monster. I thought to myself with a blank stare at the ground again while I continued to shake. If I hadn't done that, the man would have just heard a thud, that dog was small, he wouldn't have realized he hit it till afterwords.
    "But, don't you hate me than? Don't you realize that I'm the reason you died?" I stuttered trying to compose myself.
    "Yeah, I hate you a lot. But you saved the doggy. At first I didn't wanna talk to you because I was blaming you as if you actually intended to have me killed. I talked to you though and I changed my mind. You didn't mean to do it. You know what all of these lights represent right?" She asked waving her hand slowly through the air as if to pretend to play with the lights.
    "Yeah I've heard. They're all moments I changed the lives of someone else, right?"
    "Yup! But it doesn't mean that every single one of these is good. Bad things change people too. My death is represented by one of these lights and so is the sadness of everyone who's mourned for me and you too."
    "Oh!? I-... I see. Somehow these beautiful lights seem like they emanate a much sadder glow now." I mentioned as I grabbed the chain links of the swing and leaned back looking up at the sky.
    "I wouldn't want you to change what you did though. I was hoping someone would save the doggy, but I was way to afraid to move, I was shivering and scared. It's easy to look back on something and say 'I would have done that', but when the situation happens you just freeze again. I'd never want a doggy to get killed like that. I might have died but it's alright because I died because you saved that dog. If you ever really do get that do over, please do just the same thing."
    "Isn't that a bit selfish of you?"
    "Yes!"
    "Heh, alright then. You're still allowed to be selfish at that age I suppose." I blindly agreed just to make her happy. I wasn't exactly sure I could even manage to pull up the courage to commit such an act again, let alone doing it while I have doubts on wither I want to or not. While I was dazing she jumped up off of her swing and pulled one of my hands off of mine. locking pinkies she smiled at me.
    "It's a pinky promise! You can't break a pinky promise no matter what!" She said with that same smile she gave me when we had first met and a cheery voice that made me tear a bit.
    "Hold me to it then." I responded giving a thumbs up. The girl gave one last smile and then started to run away giggling. I jumped off of my seat and ran a few steps after her but instantly saw it was useless. I cupped my hands over my mouth and yelled with all of my might.
    "MY NAME IS DYLAN! THIS ISN'T THE LAST TIME WE'LL MEET!" I had hoped she heard me, she was far away by now but I didn't think out of earshot. I grinned when she turned around waving her arms in the air like someone stranded on an abandoned island, attempting to get noticed.
    "I'M SOPHIA! AND I'M 9 YEARS OLD!" She yelled in an excited manner before she turned around and disappeared like a spirit. She acted a bit older than she was, but maybe that's something death does to you. Reflecting for a moment I walked off towards whatever was pulling me. Yeah, this was just a detour, I don't think I was supposed to meet that girl, Sophia she said her name was. I was glad I did though. Ha ha ha ha, 'lucky' I thought as I walked away.