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"Donna, lunch!" Mom screamed. Donna slammed her notebook closed and ran out into the puny kitchen.
"Donna, don't let this whole house boat thing get you down." she said. This was their first day on their new houseboat, and Donna wanted to be back home with her pets and her friends. "You were alright with moving!" she said.
"I said I was alright with dad moving!" Donna pouted. "I never said that I wanted to move with him!" Her dad was an alcoholic, and was usually drunk.
"Try not to let this get you down. Why don't you go for a swim."
"In the ocean?" Donna moaned. Her mom only nodded. "In a minuet." Donna ran to her room. She opened her notebook and wrote:
Chapter two
As she swam through the kelp forest, the light began to dim, yet she kept swimming. It became pitch black and still she swam. Suddenly the space was flooded with light, and swimming became much easier, she noticed. Her feet and legs warped together and scales formed. But the perils of the Harv she had yet to discover. It is a beast so big that if it moved it would flood venice with the waves it made. A beast so strong it could snap a car in half with one finger. Yet so cowardly at the mention of his weak spot, his head, for he was so dumb that if you asked him what the difference was between gold and silver he'd say "shiny?"
So Donna discovered that she can get lost in her own story, and she always knows she has one option if she wants to escape the world. Literature.
- Title: Abyss
- Artist: OLTRX
- Description: A girl travels down into a new world, full of option and the stories she'd written.
- Date: 08/15/2009
- Tags: abyss donna
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Comments (3 Comments)
- Geuro - 08/24/2009
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(Part 1)
Not a bad start. I enjoyed the dichotomy of the piece, between reality and fiction. You have a few grammatical errors in this piece. Remember, when you finish dialog with a period, exclamation point, or question mark the following word must be capitalized. - Report As Spam
- Geuro - 08/24/2009
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(Part 2)
Also, if this is going to be a much longer piece (strung together by flash prose), then I would leave out the fact that the father is an alcoholic. It is obvious Donna isn’t a fan of her father; you don’t need to explain the reason why right away. You should try and allude to the father’s substance abuse instead of coming right out and saying it. Keep working on it. - Report As Spam
- desu_angel_mist - 08/22/2009
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nice:]
needs a bit of work though - Report As Spam