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Coal black eyes stared out over the snow-covered field as Irreale Michaels stood watch. The wind whipped bitterly around the fort, freezing all those standing guard along the wall, and even sending blasts of air into the hastily built longhouses where off-duty soldiers were sleeping. It was at times like these that the dark-skinned man was glad that he was born and raised in the mountains, where he had gotten used to cold weather.
But just because he was used to it didn’t mean it didn’t affect him. He still felt its numbing chill, and it still made the area where his skin met the mechanical arm ache. But he ignored this pain, knowing how important this duty was. The familiar weight of the gun in his hands was comforting, and he needed all the comfort he could get right now.
For the past five months, ever since he had arrived, he had been watching the days, keeping track of time. And today he had realized something that made his heart ache more than his arm. It was Christmas Eve. The days had passed so quickly that he had almost missed it. But as soon as he realized it, his usual good humor vanished, and a sadness not normally present entered his eyes. He had been unusually silent all day, not bothering to comfort any of the younger soldiers, as was his habit.
This didn’t go unnoticed. In fact, it was the most noticeable thing to one of his subordinates, the young man who had become his closest friend. Looking up at his superior, Kane couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong. Though he was off duty, his worry for Irreale had kept him up. Kane sighed, knowing he wouldn’t get to sleep if the mystery wasn’t solved. He grabbed his coat and cup and, after a quick trip to the soldiers huddled around a fire, he went up to the wall.
“Hey,” he greeted the black man, noticing that though the other wasn’t in the best spirits, he had still taken time to pull his shoulder length hair back into its usual tie. Startled, the older turned and looked at his fellow soldier.
“Hey,” he returned the greeting softly. “What are you doing up Kane? You should be sleeping.” He received a shrug in reply.
“Couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d keep you company. And give you this.” He held out the cup, which was filled close to the brim with the precious substance known as chocolate, something only those on night duty got to drink. A smile flitted over Irreale’s lips as he accepted it.
“Thank you. But I don’t think that was all, is it?” The dark gaze went back out over the field as he cautiously drank some of the liquid.
“You caught me. I actually wanted to know if you were alright.”
“And what would cause you to ask me that?”
“Because you’ve been out of it all day. Everyone’s noticed, they just figured you were tired. But I know you better than them. Something’s wrong.” Startled, the other looked at Kane before a wry chuckle escaped.
“You know me too well, brat.”
“Perhaps. But it’s a good thing I do; otherwise you’d be up here all alone with nothing to do but stare and brood.” He leaned against the wall, copying his friend’s studying. “So, you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”
For long moments nothing was said, and he was about to leave.
“This is the first Christmas,” he murmured, “that I’ll spend away from home.”
“So? It’s the same for most of us, and none of us are up here moping.”
“It’s also the first Christmas that I’ll spend away from my lover.” Feeling stupid, the younger male looked back out across the snowy landscape.
“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“I try not to make it known. It’d only bring more grief, which is something I don’t need.” That explained a few things for Kane. Not only why Irreale hadn’t participated in the conversations others had about their “perfect woman,” but also why he was so depressed. The blonde couldn’t begin to know what it felt like to leave the person you loved behind, especially for this time of year. But he knew his friend must have been feeling really down, and wondered what he could do to help.
“It’s not even the fact that I’m not there,” the other continued. “But that he’s not with me, in my arms. I’m so used to holding him around this time, to dodging the mistletoe he insists on putting up every year just to torment me. I miss the feeling of being with him.”
Sighing, Kane patted him on the back. “Well, there’s always next year, if we ever get out of this damn war. In the meantime, you have me.” He saw the raised eyebrow and blushed. “Not in that way!”
Chuckling, the older replied, “Good, you’re not my type anyway.”
“You have no idea how glad I am to hear that,” Kane said dryly. After a few more moments of just standing there with him, he stretched and turned to Irreale with a smirk. “Well, I’m heading off to bed. And if you want to remember him, dream of him. Just not too loudly.” Dodging the hand that tried to hit him, Kane gave the darker male a one-armed hug and walked away. “And don’t get too depressed. After all, I need my drinking buddy.”
For the first time that day, Irreale let out a smile as he watched the other walk off. The smile stayed as he looked up at the moon, and whispered three words that he hoped would be carried the thousands of miles to his love.
“Merry Christmas, Eli.”
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Title:
Christmas Without Him
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Artist:
The Fujoshi Kitten
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Description:
It isn't easy to do one's duty, especially when you're forced to leave a piece of yourself behind. A young soldier reflects on spending Christmas without his lover.
A/N: This story references a romantic relationship between two men.
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Date:
10/04/2009
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Tags:
bittersweet
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