• Rant On Feet
    Feet,
    Supposedly a gift, they help you walk, skip, hop, jump, fly and all that other good stuff. But are they really that helpful?
    I mean I’ll be looking at my feet and virtually throwing up.
    Not that my feet smell bad or anything,
    Because my feet rule…
    But it’s other people’s feet that I’m talking about.
    And yes, that includes you.
    And you,
    And you,
    Oh, and you.
    I’ll just be minding my own business walking around my house when a stench so thick that I could see the green swirly cloud comes out of the bathroom. I’ll walk in and just fall down.
    Flat on the floor.
    My mom would come by and think I was dead.
    But I wasn’t really dead.
    And she knew that because she saw me twitching and barfing.
    …so she just walked on by.
    Some mom, right?
    Anyway,
    You people with horrible smelling feet out there,
    Did you know they made a new invention called…
    A shower?
    It’s amazing!
    You should try it.
    It even works for the rest of your smelly body too.
    So that way people don’t fall flat on the floor when they walk by you.
    That must be helpful at times though,
    I mean, with all these crowded streets here…
    *shows empty street with a tumbleweed*
    It must be really helpful to have people fall down so you can get past them.
    You know, get to your job…
    If you have one.
    Have you ever noticed those times when people would seem like they’re making an ending, but then they go on to a whole new subject?
    I have.
    But of course, I never do that.
    I mean all this time we’ve been talking about flowers, obviously.
    Anyway thanks for watching.
    *pauses*
    Did I ever tell you about the time?…