• Waking up sucks. waking up early sucks even more. waking up early on the first day of freshman year at highschool? pits of hell. I mean, i wasn't going to miss middle school.  i was however, going to miss m best friend in all the world, Liza.  I passed the photo of us together on my way out the door, and paused for a moment to look at it before leaving.  I can't go back. I can only go forward. When I get to the bus stop, i keep my eyes on the ground.  Unoffensive, timid, not threatning at all. Even with my eyes firmly down, I could feel myself being studied and scrutinized by the other people.  My old, comfy sweats, my Metro Station T-shirt.  The golden colored hair pulled back into a low, messy bun.  just a regular indie girl.  nothing special. I cant go back. I can only go forward. the bus finally came, and i got on last.  More scrutinization by the people already on the bus.  I found an empty seat where everyone could stare properly and wonder who the hell the new girl was. I can't go back. I can only go forward. At school i drift through the day, not really paying attention to anything.  The faces blur, the names dont stick.  I numbly go through the motions of a new school.  I cant go back, I can only go forward. its been a month. One month of shock, pain, than finally numbness.  One month since Liza and I, walking through the city, were assaulted and raped in front of each other.  Her first, than me.  We both sustained serious injuries, but with one main difference.  I survived it, Liza didnt.  Without her, my life had become flat, like champagne with no bubbles.  Numbness became my constant companion. By keeping my distance, I couldnt get hurt. I wish I could go back, tell Liza we shouldnt take the shortcut back home this late at night, it was dangerous.
    But I can't go back. I can only go forward. "hello? Hey?" A voice disrupts the flat pool of thought in my head. I look up briefly to see a boy in front of me. "hmm?" i hum back at him, not really wanting to come out of the pleasant numbness. He smiles, glad to see hes gotten me to make a semi coherent response. He has a nice smile. A little like Liza's.
    No. I cant go back. I can only go forward.
    "Hey, " he says again, flashing that smile, "My names Max. nice ta meetcha"
    that smile again. Max is tall, with dark brown eyes that are warm like melted chocolate. His hair is a shade darker, and looks soft. Liza had warm, friendly eyes and soft hair.
    No. I cant go back. Only forward.
    Max looks at me curiously, I suddenly remember how to talk to someone.
    "Elaine. Er, Laney. Call me Laney." I stumble out, a little surprised. His smile widens, glad to have gotten me to talk.
    "im in all of your classes, I've been wondering who you were all day," he explained "Its lunch right now. Cmon, Ill show you the way." he holds out his hand. I hesatate, only a moment. Than i take his hand. Its warm and soft. for the first time in a month, I didnt want the numbness. It felt good to be awake.
    "Okay max. Lead the way"
    I do not look back.