• Prologue

    I woke up from my nap that day and went down to the gas station to pick up a soda. On my way back I walked down an alleyway that was a quick shortcut to my apartment. Then these three guys surrounded me and pulled knives.
    Idiots.
    I cleaned up the mess that I had made and went home and found a note on my door. It read

    “Dearest Brother

    It has come to The Monasteries attention that you have stolen a rather precious blade from the royal armory if you do not return the blade we will have to take immediate action. I will contact you soon and negotiate the return of the sword.

    Freddy Bobagnoosh.”

    The sword I had stolen was a very precious ninjato I had crafted when I had graduated from the my classes at the Windmill. Sadly it had been taken from me by some samurai that I had encountered. It was put into the royal armory to be presented as a gift to The Emperor. I had spent three months trying to find and retrieve it.
    But more importantly my older brother Freddy would be visiting he was a samurai that worked for The Monastery and he took his job very seriously.
    I drank my soda and went back to bed.
    In the morning I woke up to the sound of banging on my door. I opened it and there was Freddy standing in the doorway. He had a bit more armor on than the last time I saw him. Me and Freddy are contrasts. He has hair so black to a point of it being blue, whereas my hair is red. He’s six foot five whereas I’m only five foot eight. We both look like athletes but he looks more like a weight lifter while I look like a skinny boxer.
    “Hello Freddy.”
    “Timmy.” he said. “See you still haven’t cleaned your apartment.”
    “You know how it is.”
    “Sadly I don’t.”
    He came inside and sat on the couch.
    “We need that sword back Timmy.”
    “Why?”
    “Because it belongs to The Emperor.”
    “I made it. It’s mine.”
    “You used it to kill samurai Timmy. I knew at least five of them.”
    “Looks Like I did the world a favor then.”
    We both stood up and drew our swords. Luckily I’ve always had a faster draw then my brother. Unluckily he was always stronger then me. He punched me in the elbow and I heard a snap sound. I dropped my sword and he picked it up and ran.

    And that’s the first reason of how my life got so messed up.

    Part 1

    Siblings are always entertaining. sometimes your best friends with each other and other times you want to strangle them. I think it's because siblings are always trying to be the superior of the others. And then they realize it doesn't even matter in the long run.
    I was going to kill him for what he did. A ninjas weapons are sacred to him and he stole my most valued weapon from me. I went into town and saw him asking if anyone’s seen me. It's not like it will matter soon.
    Freddy, my dear brother Freddy. I used to like him, I used to look up to him and the self righteous monastery. But the ways of the samurai were far too immoral for me. The things I saw them doing would make you want to throw up. The samurai were created to serve as protection for the emperor. They would go and find people who disobeyed the emperors orders, and then torture and kill them. I couldn't do it, I couldn't.
    So I picked the path of shadows, the way of darkness and pain. I went to be a ninja. The building was hidden in an old windmill. They taught me to feel no pain, no sorrow, and no mercy. I trained there for almost five years before my first kill. I was sent to kill a major business owner.
    I went into the door and destroyed the place. I used to hate people who did this, but now I don't feel anything anymore. I went to the third floor of the building and there he was cowering in a corner. I just implanted a shuriken in his head and left.
    Five years later I'm standing behind Freddy with a bazooka in one hand and a machete in the other. I felt the urge to kill him but for the first time in 10 years I felt reluctent.
    I heard the screams of someone and Freddy turned around. He pulled out his claws and swung at me. I quickly dodged and threw a shuriken. It was imbedded in his armor. He pulled his bow and shot me in the arm. The pain was extreme.
    I pulled the arrow out and drew my sword, he pulled his. We started fighting with nobody winning. I started feeling tired after the first hour, I think he did too. I kicked him and he dropped his sword, he punched me and broke my left hand, I dropped my sword.
    Then we used our martial arts to settle this. I jumped and landed a kick to his face, he grabed my leg and threw me to the ground. I tripped him and he landed on his face as I got up and kicked him in the gut. He was on the ground and I kicked him again, and again, and again. He got the claws out and stabbed me in the foot. As he got up I broke the claws. He used his wings to try and get away. I followed him using my wings. As he got away I threw a shuriken into his engine and he started to fall.
    I chased after him as he fell and he shot me with his bow. He took out one of my wings and I started to fall as well. As I fell past him he kicked me in the head and knocked me out. I started to remember the days before the monastery, the windmill, or the Emperor. I was 6 and my brother was 8 as we run around playing games. I was 12 and my brother was 14 as we talk about joining the samurai at the monastery. I was 18 as I leave for the windmill. I was 28 as I fell towards the lake.
    The water woke me and I saw my brother land in the water. We both swam up and started fighting again. We both got out and were at bassken lake. I saw some fillet knives at the docks, so did Freddy. I ran as fast as I could and so did he. He got to the knife first and picked it up. He stabbed me in the chest and I fell.
    He walked away limping. I got up and removed the blade from my body armor. I ran up behind him and pinned him to the ground as I prepared the blade. He stared at me with a stare of terror. I felt all of the emotions of the last 10 years pour into me. I felt confused and sad and angry and frustrated. And for the first time in 10 years I felt mercy. I dropped the knife and ran.

    Four months later I changed my name and was living as a hermit in Durem. I will never try to kill my brother, or anyone else again.

    Part 2

    Life is like an orange sometimes. You work to get that peel off cause you know there's gonna be something tasty under it all. And then when you get to the orange you find that it's bruised and gooey and not what you thought it would be.
    I tried to kill my brother Freddy. I remember the feel of the knife in my hand quite well. And I remember the look of fear in my brother's eyes when I was gonna kill him quite well. And I remember all the feelings I felt when I ran away from him and changed my name for three months quite well.
    The nights had been growing darker and the days shorter but I figured that was the transition from summer to fall. I had been getting to know the people around my apartment more. There was John who always knew when a good bar was open. Then there was the landlady who always invited everyone in the building to her fancy parties. And then there was the girl who lived next door who you would look at and say “Wow I should ask her out sometime.” but never would.
    I had the whole day planned out. I would go and get a few drinks with John. Go and ask the girl next door to a party. Go to the party that the landlady invited me to. And then go home and say goodnight. Then the phone started ringing. I play out that moment in my head wondering what would have happened if I had left and just let the phone ring.
    But I picked up the phone and then I heard a voice that I hadn’t heard in years. “Timmy this is Jessy your little sister." She said. "You better get your butt back home now and bring Freddy’s too. Mom and Dad are gonna kill you two.”
    “Well I’ll tell you something Jessy." I said with a bit of frustration "I’m not gonna go home for once. And I’m not gonna do what you say for once. And I’m not gonna put up with your”
    click
    “Did ... did she just give me an order and hang up?"
    I should have stayed home, I should have done what I planned. But my sister is very persuasive. So I went looking for Freddy in the most obvious place I could think of, the Monastery. So I geared up and headed out. I got to the Monastery and it was easy to sneak past the guards. Then I got to Freddy’s old room to find that a newbie was living there. So I sucker punched him and snuck him outside. I asked him where Freddy went and he said that Freddy left three months ago. So I checked the second most obvious place, home.
    I got a mile outside my parents house when I saw Jessy and Freddy standing in the middle of the road.
    Jessy has always been very serious. She was a bit taller than me but I suspect that was because she always wore combat boots. She had on her normal camo pants and a green shirt with a white star in the center. He hair was green like her shirt and I never could tell how she kept it like that. All in all she scares me.
    “Your late.” said Jessy. “Of course I’m late." I replied."You sent me looking for Freddy and then went and found him yourself. What was the point of that?”
    “Will you two shut up I already have a headache and your not helping. Now let’s go talk to Mom an Dad.”
    I then realized that Freddy had always been the peacekeeper between me and Jessy. And then I noticed it.
    “Hey since when do Mom and Dad leave the lights off, during the middle of the night, when they’re expecting guests?”
    We then ran to the house top speed. Freddy kicked down the door. We then saw a nine foot tall demon with red skin and horns sucking the life out of Mom. Dad was dead in the corner.
    “Ah you’ve arrived, good. Oh I’m sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?” he then changed into a six foot tall muscular man.
    Freddy screamed and charged with his machete and claws. The demon danced around them as if it were a game.
    “This no longer amuses me.” it said after awhile.
    He then picked up Freddy and tossed him straight through the wall. I threw some shurikens at it while Jessy pulled out her M-16. He dodged them just as easy as before. Then Jessy started unloading and the demon caught all of the bullets.
    “I’m sorry little girl are these yours?” It laughed.
    Jessy then became enraged and threw her knife at it’s head. It caught the knife and tossed into her right leg. Then we heard the sound of an engine starting. Freddy flew through the hole in the wall and shot an arrow into it’s shoulder. He then continued his charge. But the demon quickly intercepted Freddy and grabbed him by the neck.
    “Ow.”
    Snap.
    The demon turned Freddy’s neck to the right and then ... snap. Jessy started shooting again but the demon back handed her straight out the door.
    “Who are you?” I asked.
    “I’m the one you killed five years ago to become a full fledged assassin.”
    “NINJA!!!”
    “IT’S ASSASSIN AND YOU KNOW IT!!! I was just at work and then suddenly I have a shuriken in my skull. Now I don’t get to go hang out with friends or go to parties or have dinner with my wife. So I asked around the afterlife and some people helped me get my revenge. And now you die!!!”
    It then picked me up and started absorbing all the energy I had left as if he was eating my soul.
    Then I saw three long thin blades go through the demons chest. It screamed in agony and then said “I’ll be back for the rest of it.”
    I didn’t know what he meant but what I did know was that Freddy was still alive and I needed to get him and Jessy to a hospital.
    I got the knife out of Jessy’s leg and then we lifted Freddy and got him to a hospital a mile away. The doctors treated Jessy’s knife wound ok but they said Freddy was going to be in a coma for at least three months and if he didn’t wake up in six it would probably be too late.
    So I went home and decided to have my perfectly planned day.
    I went and got drunk with John, had a bar fight, asked Rose (the girl next door’s name is Rose) if she would join me for one of the landlady’s parties which she said yes to, then I made a fool of myself in front of everyone, then after being slapped by Rose I went home and went to bed. I had no real motivation to get up after that.

    A perfect day.

    Part 3

    The world is a complicated thing. I don’t know why but I never noticed till my brother fell into a coma. I think It’s our fault. We don’t mean to, we just make things complicated. “The world doesn’t owe you anything, it was here first.” Mark Twain said that. I think he meant that you need to work for the things that you want because the world won’t give you what you want all the time.
    I had been going through a rough patch. I was overly depressed about Freddy and how it was all my fault that he was there. A demon snapped his neck and disconnected his brain from most of the rest of his body. That was five and a half months ago. My sister Jessy wasn’t dealing with it very well either. She had resorted to locking herself in a room and only coming out to eat. But at least I had Rose. She was the girl next door who I made a terrible first impression on but I kinda made up for it. She would come over and help me cook food for Jessy and every so often keep me from sidewalk diving. She was really nice to us.
    I got a call from the doctors that day saying that they were going to let Freddy go in a week. I was even more depressed then.
    “The world hates me.”
    I would say it over and over like I was reciting a speech. Then Rose rang the doorbell so I got up for a second to let her in.
    “Hi Timmy. How’s your sister?”
    She would always say that when she came through the door. I let her in and went back to bed.
    I was asleep for the rest of the day. Rose would sometimes stay there and sleep on the couch just in case. I woke up and there was Rose standing over me.
    “Were gonna do something today Timmy.”
    “I just wanna sleep Rose.”
    “You’ve been asleep for hours. Come on there’s gotta be something you wanna do.”
    “Yes, sleep.”
    “Come on get up.”
    So I got up and we went for a walk. I think she tricked me somehow into getting up. I don’t know, maybe it was the puppy dog eyes. So we went to the park and the whole time I just kept saying “The world hates me. The world hates me.”
    “Timmy the world doesn’t hate you. You gotta stop saying that just because things don’t go your way. You gotta work for things. Did you know I almost became a doctor? I quit because it was to hard and now I live in a small apartment with a crummy job.”
    Just then something clicked when she said doctor.
    “Do you still have any medical books?”
    “Yeah why.”
    “I got an idea.”
    I spent days reading about the human brain and I had Rose explain parts of it to me. Then I figured it out. I ran to the hospital full speed.
    “I gotta see Freddy, Freddy Bobagnoosh.”
    “Down the hall.”
    I ran through the door and yelled “You gotta operate on his spine. Three vertebra down from the skull. It broke in a discreet area next to the rib so you couldn’t see it on an x-ray.”
    They checked and I was right oddly enough. They operated immediately. I then heard someone go through the door and for the first time in months I saw Jessy out of her room. She stared at me and very weakly said “This better work bro.”
    Then I heard the doctors cheering and screaming. “He’s alive.”
    I ran in and Freddy was wide awake oddly enough. They said he shouldn’t be because of the pain killers. But there he was wide awake staring at me.
    “Heeeeeeey little brother.”
    We went and got some ice cream all three of us and then we went back to the apartment.
    I went to open the door for Freddy since they put him in a wheel chair. I got about five feet from the door and then I heard something. Tick tick tick.
    “Oh son of a...”
    BOOM.
    A bomb went off and I flew back 20 feet and then I noticed the entire building was gone.
    “Thank god none of us were ... ROSE!!!”
    I ran through the ruble and I saw her lying in her apartment bleeding heavily.
    “Rose your gonna be fine don’t panic. JESSY GET SOME BANDAGES!!! Your gonna be ok.”
    “The world doesn’t owe you anything, it was here first. Mark Twain.”
    And with that she was gone.
    I looked around for who did it.
    “That was only part of what you did to me assassin.”
    I looked up and there was the demon who put Freddy in the hospital.
    “You ... YOU SON OF A ...!!!
    I charged with all I had, swords shurikens, knives, fists, knees, feet, elbows. But like our first encounter he danced around my attacks. I then noticed something that I didn’t notice last time we fought. There was a missing piece of skin where Freddy had stabbed him. I lunged at him and as he moved to the left so did I. The sword struck true and went through his chest.
    He laughed.
    “I’ll take the rest of your soul now.”
    And at that point I figured out why I was so depressed all the time. The demon sucked out part of my soul.
    I punched my hand through the wound and pulled out a blue orb covered in demon blood and I ... ate it. Don’t look at me like that
    “Take it. I don’t need it anymore.”
    He then charged at me and grabbed me by the collar and lifted me off the ground.
    “This is gonna be tasty.”
    He stood there for a moment.
    “Why is your soul not mine?”
    “I took demonology at the windmill. If the victim embraces death the demon can not attack. I’ve been wanting to commit suicide for the last five months.”
    I then punched him in the hole that I left in his chest. Then he screamed and charged. I offered a shuriken to the forehead as a reply. And with that he fell to the ground. I then grabbed what was salvageable and found any survivors. A month later we were in different apartments. I went to bed and didn’t have any real motivation to get up after that.

    Back where I started.

    Part 4

    I don’t think we deserve what happens to most of us. A lot of it’s coincidence. Like a person walking home and getting shot and then robbed. Or a person leaving the stove on and then having their house burn down. And then there are those who do deserve it, like me.
    It had been a year since that demon had destroyed most of what I had. I had found a new apartment, new drinking buddies, even a new car. But you never forget having a close friend die in your arms. I barely ever left my apartment except to get food and work. I had to keep a low profile after being the only survivor of an explosion that destroyed my last apartment.
    Jessy had gone into the police force so that she could do something until she got recalled. Freddy had been training martial arts at a dojo he opened, he taught stick and sword fighting mostly. They would stop by now and then to see if I wanted to do anything. I would always reply “Maybe tomorrow.”
    Jessy would keep me safe from other police by destroying any files on my old apartment. But every time she would she would tell me to skip town or something. The police chief was a pretty cool guy, lived in a good neighborhood with his hot wife and kids like in a really bad family sitcom. Only problem was he seemed to have this obsession with the case. Something about never losing a suspect or something like that.
    I had spent a lot of time reading up on demons so that I could kill them easier if they ever showed up again. Turns out that’s what saved the human race. I had a dream three days before the event happened. There were five cloaked figures with demon wings on their back. The first one stepped forward to reveal the police chief, the second Freddy, the third Jessy, and the fourth a 15 foot tall demon with a crown. Then the fifth one revealed themself and I blanked out before I saw his face. I then woke to see that my bed was burning. There were demonic symbols on the ground drawn with blood.
    I put out the fire and cleaned up the blood. Then I saw something strange, my sword was glowing blue and had changed shape from a ninjato to a katana. I figured the gods were rewarding me for killing the demon a year ago.
    The next day I went to practice with it at Freddy’s dojo. He gave me some wooden statues to practice on. I took a swing and the statue didn’t just split it disintegrated.
    “HOLY ... where did you get that sword.”
    “I woke up and it was just there. I guess the gods are favoring me or something.”
    “ Well whatever reason they gave it to you it’s !$#@ing awesome.”
    I then had an idea. If I had such a powerful weapon I might finally be able to take out The Monastery and all their corrupt followers. So I took my new found weapon and left again. To avoid being noticed by the police I decided to drive their. So I got in my truck and drove for a whole day until it was dark. I pulled into a motel and got a room and fell asleep.
    That night I had a second dream. The five cloaked figures were all in a circle and had daggers with demonic symbols on them. In the middle of the circle was a pedestal and on the pedestal was a man who was tied down. I then saw that the man who was tied down was me. They all stabbed me in the heart repeatedly. I then woke up screaming and I saw that my shurikens had all been turned into silver. Was I going insane ... er.
    I went back to sleep and in the morning I drove to the monastery. I broke down their doors but what I saw amazed me. Someone had beaten me to it. Everyone was dead and their bodies were mutilated. I searched the entire place and found one guy, he was wearing royal robes and was on the floor and as I got closer I saw that he had long black hair and a goatee.
    It was The Emperor.
    I put my sword to his throat and said “what happened here.”
    He said with a maniacal laugh “I wanted this world to burn. The scum of the earth were taking over and old coots like me were becoming obsolete.”
    I turned and saw that the room had demonic writing on the floor and candles. I then saw and The Emperor was holding one of the daggers from my dream.
    “YOU WILL ALL DIE AHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
    I looked at the writing and saw that it was a summoning ritual and from what I could read it was supposed to summon half of Hell straight to earth.
    I got into my truck and sped off back to my apartment. It only took me a day thanks to the fact that I was speeding. I got home and found the sky was on fire and demons were running rampant. I drove to my apartment and ran into the building to where my room was. There was a demon looking through my things. He turned and rammed me against a wall. Then I heard a gunshot and the demon had a gaping hole in his head. I turned and Jessy was right there.
    “Come on we need your help now.”
    “How did you know I was here.”
    “Don’t you live here? Hurry up.”
    I was sent to see the police chief for a briefing. Apparently the demons had shown up while I was gone and there was one really big demon calling himself Mutiler which is french for maim. Jessy had found my books and learned that silver could harm the demons so there was a supplier of silver bullets from all the crazy people who keep that kind of stuff. My job was to go and help kill as many demons as I could and clear a path to Mutiler so that the police could go in and take him out. Freddy was helping me with my mission. He had silver arrows and a silver katana.
    We then went out and started killing demons left and right. We must have killed 200 each. We finallyu got to the place where Mutiler was supposed to be and when I saw him he looked exactly like the demon in my dream. I then radioed for the police to come and take him out. They showed up and we charged him. But then with a wave of his hand everyone stopped but me and him. I said to him “Who are you?”
    “I am what the Romans call Lucifer, what the Americans call The Devil, I am the lord of Hell.”
    He then lunged forward and implanted his sword right into my chest.
    I looked down and couldn’t believe that it would end this way, no big fight, no triumphant victory, just me with a sword in my chest and blood dripping onto the ground. He then removed the sword and I fell to ground everyone started moving again and even while on the ground dying I could tell they were losing. I was feeling dizzy, I was losing vision, and then I felt very tired and fell asleep.

    Nap time.

    Part 5


    This world will not wait for you. Catch up.
    Well there I was dead as a door nail with the world coming to an end and everyone I knew dying or dead. I saw my brother get mowed down by a swarm of arrows and my sister stabbed in the back. Some of the demons took to crucifying my body, I didn’t much care for that.
    The world was on fire and all I could do was sit and watch from the underworld. More and more people kept coming in to join and watch the show. I felt so useless I had to leave to get something to eat or drink.
    I left and their was a grand hall full of people who were all smiling and eating gourmet food and wine. I figured why not go in and grab a bite to eat. As I walked towards the table I saw Mom and Dad eating and laughing with each other. But as I got closer to people in armor with swords stopped me and said that only the pure of heart were allowed access to heaven.
    I walked away and as I walked I saw what appeared to be a street that looked very familiar. I walked toward it and found that it was the street that my apartment was on. And right next to it was my apartment building so I decided to step inside. All of my stuff was there so I decided to take a nap in my bed.
    I had my last dream that night. I was in a round room with me and the fifth cloaked figure in the center of the room facing each other. The other four were standing in a circle around us chanting. I started fighting with the cloaked figure as if I had no choice. He just stood there and took the punches until he fell to the ground. As he fell his hood lifted to reveal that it was me I had been attacking. A sword appeared in my hand and I lunged toward him and as he screamed I stopped midair. I then had a great realization. I need to stop blaming myself for everything that happened or it will kill me. I need to focus on my enemy and focus my rage on them not myself.
    I awoke to find a beautiful woman standing over me. She had an aura about her as if she was made of pure good. She smiled and just before she left she looked like Rose. I got up from my bed and put on my gear.
    I went outside and screamed at the top of my lungs “MUTILER I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!!!”
    A puff of fire appeared and when it was gone Mutiler was standing right there.
    “What?”
    “A duel Mutiler. If I win you set the world back to normal and never return. And if you win then I offer the entire human race to be your servants.”
    He handed me a pen and a piece of paper and said “Sign here.”
    As I grabbed the pen it pricked my finger and sucked some of the blood out into the pen. “In blood, ah everything’s in order.”
    “Choose your weapon.”
    “The katana I was using when I died.”
    The sword magically appeared in my hands but it was glowing with the same aura as the aura around Rose. He pulled his sword and it was drenched in a black fire.
    “Have at thee mortal.”
    We charged at each other and our swords clashed. He swung wildly at first trying to throw me off guard but I kept my ground. Once he finished I made a retaliation slash at his stomach but he side stepped just in time. I jumped back and threw shurikens at his head but he blocked them with his sword. He charged at me and I tried to trip him with a ducking spin kick but he jumped too quickly. He slashed me in the back and said “This is looking familiar isn’t it?”
    I turned and stabbed him in the leg and replied “Not really.”
    His leg started burning a bit as he jumped up and landed a kick to my face. I fell from the shock of the kick and as he towered over me he laughed and said “Did you really think you could beat me in a fair fight?”
    “No I didn’t.”
    I pulled a pistol from my belt and quickly shot him in the head. He fell to the ground but being a demon he wasn’t dead so I leaped from the ground and plated my sword in his chest as far as it would go, and then I twisted the blade.
    “I’m a ninja did you expect me to fight fair?”
    “You cheated our agreement is terminated.”
    “Actually the deal was if I beat you set things back to normal.”
    “Fine fine fine. Good fight by the way would you mind if I shook your hand?”
    As I extended my arm he grabbed it and pulled me closer. He pulled out another piece of paper saying that he would return for earth as soon as he killed me.
    I then woke up in my room and put on my clothes and ran outside and drove down to Jessy’s. She was standing at the door as if she knew I was coming.
    “WAS IT A DREAM PLEASE BE A DREAM!!!”
    “It was real Timmy, I remember it all.”
    “That means that I have a huge bullet with my name on it.”
    And Jessy only smiled and said “Everyone has a bullet with their name on it Timmy. The trick is to die of old age before it gets put to use.”
    For some reason that made me feel much better so I went home and went to bed and for the first time all week, there were no nightmares

    Happy Ending ... for once.

    Epilogue

    I was in my bed when my alarm clock started bleeping. I got up and turned it off and since I was already vertical decided to go to work. I grabbed all of my normal work things, coffee, thermos, sword, shurikens, smoke bombs, colt revolver, you know, the normal stuff. I then walked out the door and got into my red pickup truck which had gotten some new shiny high caliber hood ornaments recently.
    I drove off to the police station which had a new section of building added to it where The Department of Supernatural Homeland Defense or DSHD set up HQ. Yeah I know it’s not a catchy name, leave me alone.
    The DSHD was created when a massive attack consisting of half of hell was sent to the mortal world. The attack was stopped by yours truly but now that the world knew about demons the government decided to hire every supernatural expert they could find including me.
    I walked through the door and sat down at my desk. It was covered in folders full of alien sightings and moms thinking their teenage kids were possessed. I took a sip of my coffee and started writing in my notebook. Then my assistant Greg walked in and handed me a phone.
    “This early Greg?”
    “Sorry boss. Can’t do anything about it.”
    I sighed and said into the speaker “Agent Bobagnoosh speaking”
    “Your name is really “Bobagnoosh”?” he said with a sense humor behind it.
    “Sir this is an emergency line. Either state your reason for calling or I’ll fine you.”
    “Oh, right.” his voice became more serious. “ Well I run a cemetery at the south side of town and there are these kids who keep writing things on the tombstones. I can’t recognize the writing so I just wanted to make sure they aren’t doing anything satanic.”
    “Well actually Satan is ... never mind I’ll send someone out immediately.
    I handed the phone back to Greg and said “ get Lieutenant Jessy Bobbagnoosh and grab you things Greg. Tell her to meet us at this address with some trainees.”
    “Right away boss.”
    It was about a half hour drive to the cemetery and there was my little sister right at the front gates. I got out and me, Jessy, Greg, and about five new recruits walked to the main office area or whatever you want to call it. There was a man standing outside of the office and he pointed us in the direction of the tombstones. I looked at it and said to the recruits “who can tell me what language this is written in?”
    A show of hands went up and I said to the first one “Yes you, Henry is it?”
    “Yes sir.” he said with a bit too much enthusiasm.
    “Calm down Henry, this isn’t the military. What do you think it is?”
    “Old Celtic I think sir.”
    “Close, it’s actually New Celtic, similar but with subtle differences. Who can tell me what it sais?”
    Another show of hands went up.
    “ Carlos what do you think it sais?”
    “It’s an old symbol they would put on graves wishing the dead a safe passage to the afterlife sir.”
    “Very good Carlos. You get a cookie.”
    I went on asking them at least half a dozen more questions and came to the conclusion that it wa a bunch of kids who were merely trying to be nice and pay their respects to the dead. I told the owner and he looked relieved. I then went and had a conversation with Jessy.
    She was sitting on a foldout chair she had brought in front of a rather large tombstone with my brother Freddy. I sat down next to them and looked at the name on the tombstone. It read “Martin and Jessica Bobagnoosh. We will never forget you.”
    We sat there for a few minutes and then Freddy finally broke the silence and said “It’s weird. When they were alive we wished they were gone and now that there gone we wish they were still here.”
    “Yeah.” Jessy and I said at the same time.
    We didn’t have the worst parents of all time. They were just out having romantic dinners when they probably should have been watching the kids. So what they usually did was have our grandpa babysit. He was a master illusionist and when I say illusionist I don’t mean he could make coins disappear. He would use magic to create matter from nothing and as long as you thought it was real it was. He would use it to entertain us and he would tell us stories. But once our parents learned that he was using magic to entertain us they kept him from ever seeing us again. We never understood why.
    Just then Jessy’s cell phone went off and we were all called off to a warehouse close to the cemetery. So Freddy, Jessy, Greg, The recruits, and myself all piled into Jessy’s SUV. On the way there me and Jessy discussed what to do with the new recruits.
    “How many languages is Carlos proficient in again?” I asked.
    “19 I think.”
    “We could get him a job on the communications team.”
    Carlos stuck his head past the seat and said “Really?”
    “Sure, why not.” I said.
    We pulled into the warehouse and the lights were on inside or so I thought until I saw they were green. We all got out of the car and we all grabbed our gear. We then moved to the back door and Freddy kicked in the door. That’s when we saw it.
    There were about 50 teenagers in robes all standing in a circle around a summoning circle. In the middle there was a large man about 9 feet tall with goat horns and legs. They all turned and pulled out knives. That’s when they charged.
    Well the recruits, Greg, and Jessy set up a defensive line while Freddy and I drew our swords. The line of cultist kids hit us hard but we kept them at bay. Freddy and I would keep them away from the recruits while the recruits, Greg, and Jessy would fire shotguns and keep them from overwhelming us. That’s when goat man charged past his troops and slammed into Freddy and I. We must have flown back at least 10 feet and a bit upward because we got up behind the recruits.
    Goat boy pulled a axe and started swinging at Jessy and Greg but they rolled out of the way. Jessy got off a few rounds but she only hit his leg. He screamed and moved to an easier target, Carlos. He screamed as the goat swung at him. He dodged the first three swings but the fourth struck him right in the chest. He looked down at the wound and collapsed.
    I felt a sudden burst of rage and I jumped over the other recruits and upwards right onto the back of the Goat man. I started flailing at it’s neck with my sword, cutting it to ribbons. The others had no problem with the other cultists. And after a minute or two we had taken several into custody and killed several more.
    I ran over to Carlos who was bleeding everywhere. I picked him up and got him onto an ambulance and I sat with him all the way to the hospital. When we got him there we were running to the emergency room and he woke up and said “Sir.”
    “Yeah Carlos.”
    “I only know 16 languages,”
    “Well you’re going to learn three more once we patch you up. And then I’m going to recommend you for communications team. So no dying ok.”
    “Ok Sir.”
    He died before they could get him stitched up.

    Why is my life always so disappointing?

    The End