• tab Felitia had sat on the floor leaning on the side of her bed for eight hours now, not moving for anything. The effects of the food deprivation had almost overtaken her. She would occasionally stir but would stay completely still all other times. Her eyelids drifted open and close as she floated in and out of consciousness. She felt as if her soul was dead. Not a single thought passed through her mind. Emotion became a stranger. Everything surrounding her was merely an insignificant haze. Her body had become an empty capsule which had been drained of all feeling. The spark of life in her eyes had deserted her leaving behind a lifeless face.
    tab She shuddered suddenly, as if she could sense an evil presence drawing near to her.
    tab The girls in her dorm walked through the doorway giggling and gossiping; Iona Inglemoor, Tara Aurillio, Orenda Aiaride, Callisto Kaiamoor, and finally Genevieve Caimerode.
    tab “So, Genevieve, what did he do next?” one of the girls asked completely ecstatic.
    tab “Well, he was all over me, literally begging me to say ‘yes’. Then he…”
    tab All the girls screamed with excitement.
    tab “Oh my gosh! Did he really?!”
    tab “Yes, and it was so passionate!” Genevieve clasped her hands together and stared starry-eyed up at the ceiling.
    tab “Tongues?” one of the other girls asked nudging her playfully.
    tab “Yes,” Genevieve sighed. The girls all screamed again.
    tab “Wow! Just you wait until Felitia hears about all this.”
    tab Felitia cleared her throat quietly.
    tab “Oh, how convenient,” Genevieve turned to her, smiling evilly. She paced over dauntingly. “Well, if it wouldn’t be Jared’s ex-girlfriend.”
    tab The words stung like wasps.
    tab “In case you haven’t picked up, it seems like you’ve finally hit the bottom. Jared’s dumped you, and has gone for…me, instead.”
    tab Felitia allowed the pain to fill up her emptiness. It was almost as if the ache came as a relief. So many hours of feeling nothing but numbness had made any emotion feel like a luxury. Outside her mind, her body was unresponsive. She simply gazed into the distance, not looking at anything in particular.
    tab “You know, he was really desperate to get away from you. I think he’s given up believing that you are his perfect girl and that you’re really the flea bitten freak that you truly are underneath.”
    tab She didn’t care what Genevieve was saying. Nothing could bring her down lower than where she already was. Not anything she could say…
    tab “And you know what? He started touching me up. Of course I was reluctant to let him. I wasn’t about to let him abandon his oh so precious Felitia. And then he kissed me, good and long.”
    tab Felitia’s eyes widened in shock. She tried not to believe what she was hearing. It was completely unimaginable that Jared would betray her to such a degree.
    tab But somehow, it all added up in her mind. She had seen the anger in Jared’s eyes during that first argument and remembered how he had shouted at her with resentment. A thousand needles pierced her heart, but still the pain relieved her. But it was Jared’s face in her mind that haunted her. The sensation wasn’t and emotion, otherwise her former state of mind would have been reached, the void inside her would have been filled, and she would have started to cry. This was worse; it was as if his image absorbed her life force. She felt breathless and empty in some moments then swayed to being overflowed with the gratifying pain.
    tab Then suddenly, the sorrow didn’t seem enough. She craved affliction. It was like a drug; the high had been reached and now she would do anything to have it return to her.

    tab And it returned in the form a vicious kick from Genevieve. She laughed evilly as she saw Felitia crumple on the floor. She kicked again, on her head this time, but Felitia didn’t even flinch. It was like she was unaffected, even though Genevieve knew a strike like that would do any person harm. She noticed a line of blood form from above Felitia’s right eyebrow and seep down her face.
    tab “What’s the matter? Why won’t you fight back? Has your life become so bad that you’d rather die? Well maybe I should help you end it; I’d be doing everyone a favour. Hmmm, let’s see, long and slow so I can enjoy watching you suffer…” She kicked Felitia’s head once more. A wicked cackle erupted from within her. “I’ve never had so much fun in my life! I thought Jared’s kiss was amazing, but this, it grinds that into the dirt.” Her laughing continued as she witnessed Felitia’s eyes drift close and her body go limp. The other girls looked slightly horrified. Had their friend just killed this girl?
    tab “Genevieve, you’ve gone too far!” Iona stepped forward, arms crossed.
    tab “Excuse me!” Genevieve exclaimed.
    tab “You can’t do this to her, it’s cruel!” Iona retaliated.
    tab “Honestly, Iona. I thought better of you. Tell me, who’s the boss around here?”
    tab “That’s beside the point, it’s…”
    tab “Shut up! You can’t tell me what to do! You’ve been a part of this operation along with the rest of the girls. You’re not going to chicken out just when things start to get juicy, are you?”
    tab “No, it’s just…”
    tab “Then pull yourself together and get back in line, for the gods’ sake!”
    tab Iona stepped back silently, but in her eyes you could see a miniscule element of antagonism.
    tab “I don’t know what you’re worrying about. It’s not like anyone’s going to miss her.”
    tab “She’s the only heir to her province,” Iona muttered, eyes low.
    tab “And?”
    tab “And, don’t you think people will kick up a fuss in Rosewood if the only heir is hurt or even killed by an heir to Caimerode? You could create a war here!”
    tab “One, I meant by what I said by no one will miss her. Her mum’s too busy moping around and it will be one step closer to Orin taking the throne. The day Loopy Lady Rosewood kicks the bucket, everyone will be rejoicing. Two, I won’t be the one to kill her, I wouldn’t waste my energy. By the time I’ve finished with her, she’ll be on the road to committing suicide.”
    tab “She’s still a person,” Iona mumbled quietly.
    tab “Well, if that’s what you think, then go ahead! Help her up, bandage her wounds, feed her, take care of her until she recuperates! Risk your reputation, your honour to have compassion on a freak! I don’t give a damn what you do! Go on! Do it!” Genevieve pointed at Felitia’s immobile body on the floor. “Well, what are you waiting for?!”

    tab Iona didn’t budge, she couldn’t bring herself to step forward and help the girl whose life had been ripped apart over only days. She couldn’t risk losing her friends and her reputation. Felitia was no freak to her, just a victim. But she would be a laughing stock if she helped her; no one would respect her for the rest of her life. She couldn’t let herself end up like Felitia; what she had been through was too terrible for her to imagine. She was scared of the reality about this girl; she was too scared to do anything. She just stood in silence and tried to push any feelings for Felitia to the back of her mind.

    tab “That’s better. Now that this nonsense is over and done with, let me get back to what I was doing.” Genevieve heard the door slam shut behind her and saw that Iona was nowhere in sight. “Little b***h,” she muttered under her breath. She turned back to Felitia then paced slowly towards her. Looming over her, she was about to kick her one last time when she noticed her lips twitch. They twisted into an unnatural smile, opening to reveal clenched teeth. Felitia let out a small laugh.

    tab “Hm, I wonder what it’s like to die.”
    tab “Well you can find out by yourself,” Genevieve replied.
    tab “Frankly, it would be far better than seeing your face again.” Her eyes were still closed. Genevieve lifted her foot backwards to kick Felitia again.
    tab “You can hurt me all you want, I don’t care. And by the way, I heard everything you said about me just then. Some pretty logical thinking there, a bit too smart for you.”
    tab “Actually, I stole it of what Jared said to me earlier,” Genevieve lied.
    tab “Go to hell.”
    tab “Oh, I’m not making you feel any better am I.”
    tab “I don’t give a damn,” Felitia sneered, but really, it pained her to hear the words, yet another addition to fill her cup,
    tab “So, what are you going to do now? Wait until you die of hunger, or jump of the balcony, end it quick?”
    tab Felitia opened her lifeless eyes, then laughed with deviant humour.
    tab “I’ll think about it.” She slowly dragged herself off the floor, then wiped the blood from above her eye with the back of her hand.
    tab “You’re mad!” Genevieve shouted, sickened from the twisted reality of Felitia’s mind.
    tab “Madness, sweet madness,” chanted Felitia as if it were some eerie mantra.

    tab Genevieve watched her turn round toward the open doors to the balcony. Felitia stepped slowly forward towards the ledge and stopped at the banister, looking down, leaning her head over the edge.
    tab Suddenly, Genevieve felt horrified. Was this lonely, insane girl going to end her life before her eyes? They were on the third storey; there was no surviving a fall from this height.
    tab Pull yourself together, she won’t do it. Even if she did, it’s not like I murdered her. But Jared would never forgive himself. He still loves her; I can tell by the way he looks at her, how he speaks, even when it has nothing to do with her. Oh, gods! What’s going to happen! No! I shouldn’t care, I don’t care. Just turn around, don’t look at her. She sat down heavily on her bed and exhaled deeply. She looked over her shoulder nervously toward Felitia, then quickly turned back, determined to cast the situation away from her.

    tab Felitia gazed down below her, savouring the sensation of blood seeping down her face. The madness was subsiding, leaving again the empty feeling within her. Suddenly, the ground below seemed much farther away, as if it was retreating from her but somehow also beckoning her to follow. The urge to let herself fall seemed invincible. She felt breathless and dizzy and was precariously swaying forward and back.
    tab What’s the point of living anymore? No one cares for me now, not even the people who loved me. This life is a curse, a damned, damned curse! She felt the soothing balm of a drop of salty water trickle down her cheek and mix with the blood on her face. A dreadful hollowness spread through her lungs; her teeth clenched and tears started to pour from within her. Emotion had returned to her at last and all the afflictions from her life struck her in one immense blow. All the piercing words Genevieve had said to her finally set seed, along with all the other sorrows and trials in her life. They prospered rapidly into countless agonising thoughts, taking over her mind and banishing what traces there were of past happiness. Emotion had retuned to Felitia, but it was worse that ever before. It was insanely unbearable. The thirst for affliction to rediscover the sensation of emotion had now transformed into an unbeatable instinct to cease the agony brought about by the same emotion. To die would end the suffering once and for all. The only thought in Felitia’s head was of death; the image of her broken body lying on the forest floor was maddening yet so appealing.
    tab A sick, twisted voice within her screamed with all its soul. Like a demon possessing her it seemed as though somehow it was her own voice screaming, yet there was an element to it which suggested detachment from its host. Resonance from the near future, maybe? Her own spirit howling from beyond the grave? Would a suicide really end all her suffering? Or would the torment continue on into eternity? Was she doomed o spend forever in this hell?
    tab The voice inside her howled, I want to die!
    tab Suddenly, she screamed with pain. It was too hard to handle; death seemed her only future. But the eternal rest seemed too terrible. She felt sick. The world around her seemed to plunge into an insane spin. Stumbling backwards, she clutched her head, almost feeling like ripping off her own skin. Sinking down against the wall, she drew her knees close to her body, embracing herself so tightly it was almost painful. She buried her face in her body, starting to quake and whimper as she began to truly cry once more. Her strength suddenly felt like it was being sapped from her. She couldn’t live like this anymore. The prospect of ending her own life suddenly seemed preposterous.
    tab She let her body go limp. Supporting her frame against the wall, her eyes closed and she slipped into sleep. The blessed requiem finally came to relieve her.

    *****


    tab Through the sleep, Felitia felt nothing. All outside elements were reflected off her. Her whole life was forgotten, as if it never existed. Sorrow and joy were both equally extinguished. There wasn’t even dark left in her mind; everything became nothing.
    When she finally aroused, leaving behind the void, the lights and sounds of the room around her filled her consciousness. She was lying in her bed, her duvet covering her, in her day clothes. The grandfather clock read 8 o’clock but it was dark outside the windows. It was nearly half an hour before she had gone to sleep. But that was impossible. Was everything before just a horrible nightmare? No, it was just too vivid, too real. She had tried to commit suicide; she would never forget something like that, it would haunt her for the rest of her life. But waking up in her bed seemed impossible too. She had drifted off on the balcony. But who could have moved her? It certainly wouldn’t have been any of the girls in her dorm, they would never be that concerned for her wellbeing. And although Iona had taken pity on her, as she remembered from the previous event, as Genevieve had stressed acting on that pity would bring her eternal shame. No one would risk anything for that, no one normal at least. And as for the boys, well, if anyone caught them in the girls’ dorms there would be a hell of a lot of screaming and detentions for a year. And the only person Felitia could think of who would care for her that way had apparently made out with her worst enemy.
    tab She was more confused than upset. Unless she was quite mistaken, she had slept for nearly twenty-four hours. As well as playing detective to find out what happened whilst she slumbered, she realised that after her life had taken a real turn for the worse, she wanted to turn herself back around and regain all she had lost. How she was going to do that exactly was the real mystery. Circumstances were fragile at current and any sudden gestures could bring the roof crashing down. Lies were always lingering in this hell hole of a school and she needed to sort out truth from untruth. Somehow she had the feeling that Genevieve’s deception spanned to more than just Jared. Whatever was going on, she needed to put a stop to it.
    tab She was about to get up when she suddenly swore as her stomach lurched with pain. She hadn’t eaten anything in sixty hours. If her stomach remained empty much longer she may not survive to see another day. Since Elves’ immune systems are supported by their food intake and burning of energy, a healthy individual would be virtually invincible against any illness. But without food, wounds would not heal, muscles would waste away and the vital body systems would eventually shut down. And since the body wouldn’t be able to fight infections, even a simple cold could kill. All Felitia needed was to catch up slowly on the past three days’ food and she would be well again, but until she had completed that, she would be at risk of severe illness. All this logic ran through her head and she knew she had to act quickly.
    tab She looked down at her hand and saw it was hollow and bony. She could see the veins sticking out and felt the weakness in her muscles when she tried to flex it. She stood up immediately; hopefully she could catch the end of dinner. She needed food and needed it fast. But as soon as she had supported her body with her feet, she stumbled to the floor. She was so weak she could hardly stand. Using the bedside cabinet to help herself up, she noticed on top of it were two objects; the pure white scarf Jared had given her and a beautiful jet black feather placed on top.
    tab All of a sudden she realised why she was so hungry.
    tab “Oh, Jared. My, dear, sweet Jared,” she whispered gently. The scarf had been in the top drawer of her bedside cabinet all through the past three days; she had completely forgotten about everything Jared had done for her. That was the reason she had been starving herself, she had forgotten. Jared would never betray her. She had been so blind to the truth that she was making herself suffer for it. Jared still loved her, even through these circumstances. He had proved it by never giving up on trying to make her see sense, even when she rejected him and Genevieve framed her for beating her up. She had thought he was the one who was delusional, but really she was more confused than he had ever been. Jared had taken pity on Genevieve out of his kind heart; even if she was really faking her sorrows to gain his favour, it was still an act of selflessness. Felitia, on the other hand had suspected Genevieve from the beginning; even if she was right about her deception, what followed was her own torture out of jealousy and self pity.
    tab She picked up the feather, wondering whether she had seen that exact shade of black somewhere before. Only one person could have arranged these objects beside her bed. Jared was the only one who knew about the existence of the scarf. As far as Remsum was concerned, it had been destroyed. She had told Jared its exact location the morning before they were attacked by Ganymede.
    tab Jared was trying to tell her something. It was more than the fact that he still loved her. Somehow, the feather and the scarf seemed connected. Felitia couldn’t put a finger on it but something gnawed in her mind trying to piece together what this was all about. It seemed that these two objects were bound to Jared and that this was his way of telling her a secret. She had a hunch, but she couldn’t be sure.
    tab She swore again as her stomach lurched once more. No time to figure out this mystery. She quickly pulled herself to her feet and tried to walk with as much dignity as possible; in this case, not stumbling every other step she took.