• It's late at night. I'm biting my toothbrush. Though I know I shouldn't be. But my nerves take over my actions. I can't help it. Waiting is the worst torture, waiting to see him again. Just two days. Not an eternity I tell my heart, but I guess it's not listening to me anymore. I think back to the days before, absenmindedly remebering the significant events. I realize that I have changed, and I forgot to tell snyone. Yet I'm not sure it they've even noticed at all. All wound up in their busy scheduled lives. Like just another annoying fly, they have swatted my away. I work myself out of my daze and walk to the bathroom to rinse my mouth. The taste of toothpaste lingers. What I would do for the taste of his lips on mine once more. The wait is long. I prepare for bed, changing into my nightgown, saying my prayers. I lay back on my pillow, still thinking of him, hoping I will get some sleep tonight.
    Morning. The light streaming through my curtains onto my face wakes me. It's nine o'clock, my heart beats faster, with the worry of being late for school. I remeber that it's the weekend. Though I'm up and there's no way I can fall asleep again. I recall my dream from the night before. He and I stand alone, in a quietness soo eeire his hearbeat is as loud as a steady drumbeat. Is it my imagination, or are we really together? I anticapate what will happen next... Yet my dream starts to blur, as if even my thought are hiding from themselves. I'm not sure if I can face the truth, but it must be done.
    I haven't told anyone, of what I'm going to do. Of my plans to achive pure bliss. I have turned the thought over and over in my head for hours, days, weeks. I have made my decision. I have to be with him again, and this is the only way. His life was taken, so I'll take my own.
    A month, sixteen days, and twenty-one hours since his death. I keep track. How unfair that it was him who ended up like this. Who would've thought that behind those smiles and laughter, there were endless tears being shed. Out of all the possible people in the world, it was his fate to have this happen to him.
    For some, he was just a normal guy, not popular, rather, in the lower status of the social pyramid. Known as the underachiever, the one who was never really going to do anything in life. I on the other hand, top of my class, the girl who everyone knew would be someone someday. The odds of us ever being a couple, was against us. But something, even to this day I do not know what, brought us together. Soon, I was frowned upon, now seen as the girl who gave up everything to be with "a nobody". I didn't listen, deep down, I knew that I had done the right thing.
    He and I were together from then on. Endless hours flowed into endless days. Everything, just a blur of him and I. We spoke rarely of anything not concerning ourselves. Occasionally we spoke of our families. I should have listened more closely. A great act he put on, as he never let on to any strange happenings. Or was I so oblivious? If only I had listened.
    I remember that day, clearer than any other day. I had just gotten out of the shower, my hair still wet. I had decided to keep the window down as I drove over to his place to dry it. I walked straight through his front door. Walked inside, just in time to see his father place the gun to his head and pull the trigger, just as he had done to his son and wife.
    Numbness. That was all my brain could process. That was all I could rememeber from the time the police came to take the bodies away, to the funeral when the bodies were lowered into the ground to rest in peace, even to this moment I still feel nothing. I would rather hurt then feel nothing at all.
    His father had been abusive. I would have never guessed. He never acted as if something was wrong. Yet everything was. I guess one day his father finally cracked, decided that he had had enough. And decided to end it for them all. Just as I have decided to do. I cannot take this feeling of numbness and detachment anymore. It has to end soon.
    I have planned carefully, trying to not leave a trace. They should know why I am going to do what I am going to do.
    The day finally arrives, I have waited for this moment. I smile, for I know what is coming. I get into my car. My mind flashes back to the day I found him dead. I let out a stiff laugh, as I realize that my life as I knew it ended that day. Now I am making it official.
    I'm driving; up the winding turns of the mountains behind my home. I pass a sign, "Caution, Narrow Turns" I pay no attention. Another sign, "50 MPH. Dangerous Cliffs, Slow at Turns." I am going 65 and still increasing my speed.
    It's time.
    I see the approaching curve. Smiling, my hads do not move the steering wheel. I enjoy these last moments, the numbness finally having lifted. I feel happiness radiating from within me as I crash through the safety bars of the road, as my car plunges further down, deeper from the cliff. I leave the town behind. Bliss runs through my body. I see him again. He has been waiting. He takes my hand, we walk away.