in the name

• Artist: Xx-Alucard-Vlad-xX
• Description: in the name
• Date: 12/20/2010
• Tags: adamandeve

In the name of God souls of the living dead shall be banished in to eternal damination.
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In the name of Satan pure souls of the living shall be oblitarated in to the deepest pits of hell.
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Angels shall guard the living and the living dead though they guard they can still kill.
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Please vote which one you like i will put it in my poems.
by-Insert crafty name

Comments

[AlexandriaVy_VampireLord]

And "pits of hell"
............this wont work. Pits of hell comes from Greek religeons Underworld, where there are actual pits, but in context with Satan, or God, it no longer means.....well, it doesnt make sense.
If you are offended, then just ignore this. But if you wish to improve, then perhaps you should consider what I have said.
A.L

[AlexandriaVy_VampireLord]

This isnt what your supposed to but in the arena.
I don't like any of them. Now, before you get unnecessarily angry, heres why;
"souls of the living dead" doesn't make any sense and isn't appealing at all, and the point of poems is that they're appeasing to the ear.
"Banished to eternal damnation" Is over used, be more creative.
*obliterated means to do away with and leave no trace, therefore it cant work in that sentence.
The last is better, but use commas,and perhaps rephrase it?