• Prologue
    You know that feeling you get, when your legs get shaky, you get a cold sweat, your head is dizzy, and
    it feels like there's an exlposion of little blue birds in the pits of your stomach? Most would describe that as fear, I suppose. Or Pain.
    Me? I wouldn't know. I can't feel either of them.
    A gift, A curse, whatever you call it, it's there. I feel no fear, and I feel no pain. The doctors diagnosed it as a mental illness. My brain just can't register those feelings. And up until now, I was able to hide it. Up until now, I could desguise myself as a normal person. A very brave normal person, but normal none the less.
    Then one girl was gone. Then another, then another.
    And suddenly, I wasn't so normal anymore.
    And it only got worse from there on out.
















    One

    The first girl was named Tessa Knight. I didn't know her personally, but I heard about it in the hallways everywhere I went. Whispers and gossip and a few of her friends crying by the lockers. Tessa had gone missing. From what I picked up while walking from class to class was that she had gotten into a fight with her parents over a car and had stalked out of the house. She hadn't come home and was still missing. A lot of us weren't taking is very seriously because she could be hiding out at her boyfriend's house who was in college. But her friends were scared because they said she would never do that, and her boyfriend was just as scared as she was.
    So either he was a very good actor or she was gone.
    I sat down in chemistry fourth hour, my stomach growling and begging for lunch. I had woken up late this morning and hadn't had time for breakfast so I was ready to get this class over with and eat.
    My best friend since kindergarten sat down on my left. It was Tyler Albee, a strong member on the swim team, a genius with the civil war, and an idiot in all other categories. He wasn't the most attractive guy in the world, but he wasn't ugly either. He had thick brown hair, that fell past his ears and glasses that reminded me of the 3D ones they gave you at the movies. They were apparently the "in" thing right now but I thought they looked ridiculous.
    "Hey." he greeted. "Hear the news?"
    "About Tessa?" I asked. "Who hasn't?"
    "No, not about Tessa, about my math grade."
    "You have something above a D?"
    "No, I was kidding. I was talking about Tessa." he sneered. I rolled my eyes, shuffling a bunch of papers so they were all even. It was one of my biggest pet peeves. "Did you know her very well?" I asked.
    "No, she was in my biology class last year but that's it."
    "Think she's actually missing? Or she just ran off for a while?"
    "Dunno. Her friend; Mackenzie, who sits in front of you, claims she would never have run off all night. Scary isn't it?"
    I gave him a look with my eyebrows raised.
    "Sorry." he apologized. Tyler was one of the few who knew about my condition. He knew I was unable to feel fear, and that if he were to punch me in the face, I would be aware of it, and I would probably be offended he would do such a thing, but It wouldn't hurt me. It was a pain mostly, when I was five, I broke my leg when I fell off my bike. I had no idea and so I couldn't understand why I kept falling over when I tried to walk on it. When I finally told my parents the next day, they rushed me to the hospital where we learned that the condition was a lot worse than it would have been if I had come in the day before. It was the stupid things like that, that made me hate this illness other than looking at it as a blessing.
    "I'm just used to saying that." Tyler justified. I shrugged.
    "whatever, I suppose it's defiantly something that would be described as scary, but I'll have to take your word for it." I said. He gave a short laugh as the bell rang and rested her head on his desk.
    "I'm sure it's nothing." he said. "I bet it will blow over by the end of the week."

    We were about five minutes into class when the door opened and Mackenzie walked in late. The teacher gave her an annoyed look and marked her down tardy on the roster. Mackenzie was never late but today she looked like a zombie. She had thick lilac circles under her eyes, which were half closed. Her hair was messy and she had dirty tear stains on her cheeks. Next to me, Tyler learned over and whispered;
    "Drinking."
    I nodded in agreement. Mackenzie always went out partying on weekends and sometimes staying home from school for weeks with hangovers or constantly puking her guts out. But today I knew this time she had gotten wasted over the "disappearance" of her friend. She slowly slid into the seat in front of me, letting her purse drop heavily to the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her head on her torn jeans. It was such a sad sight, I reluctantly reached out to give her a reassuring pat on her shoulder.
    Big mistake, she instantly broke down. Her shoulders shaking as she sobbed into her hands. The class stared awkwardly, none of them knew what to do. It's not every day a girl bursts into tears in the middle of class.
    "Miss Lyon, do you need to go to the restroom?" the teacher asked, pushing her glasses farther up her nose. Mackenzie shook her head. A shy girl in the front of the classroom cautiously raised her hand.
    "Sorry, um, she's friends with the Tessa girl. You know, the one who went missing?" she said quietly. At the mention of Tessa's name, Mackenzie only cried harder. This teacher obviously didn't get around much because she gave the girl a puzzled look. "Tessa? Tessa who?"
    "Tessa Knight." Tyler spoke up, making me jump. He had such a deep voice I always forgot what it sounded like. Plus I thought he had fallen asleep or something.
    "She's missing?" the teacher asked. The class nodded. This seemed to allow the teacher to give some sympathy. She walked over and knelt down next to Mackenzie.
    "Miss Lyon, I think you should go to the office. Call home and get some rest all right? Things will be okay."
    "I can't, I have to be in class." Mackenzie mumbled. "I have too many absences."

    "I won't count this one against you." the teacher whispered. "Take a worksheet from my desk and go on."
    Mackenzie nodded and got up. Tyler and I exchanged glances. She had never really been the most dramatic person. So maybe this was more seriously for her than we had thought. I could see the rest of the class looked worried and so I did my best to copy their expressions. No one else in the class knew about my condition so I did my best to fit in. Although deep down, I felt nothing at all.

    Lunch is always an interesting part of my day. I eat lunch with Tyler, his friend Daymen, and my two friends Kimberly and Avrie. We have our own special bench near the vending machines that we've sort of claimed as our own. It's first come first serve. If you stay after class and the bench is full by the time you show up with your food, you eat on the floor. But it's really not such a big deal. Today, my, Daymen and Avrie had the bench. Tyler and Kim sat cross-legged on the ground. But no one was really eating today. I picked at my food while the others talked about Tess's disappearance and what they think could have happened.
    Avrie was small and could easily still pass as a middle schooler. She had long curly hair that was so blond it looked pink in the sunlight and pale blue eyes. She was very outgoing and silly, we once went to the store and she pretended to be blind because her eyes are so pale and people fell for it. That's just the type of person she is. Kim on the other hand was a beauty queen. She joined all the city pageants and had the best make up, the cutest cloths, and was pretty critical of other people's fashions. If she didn't like what you were wearing that day, she told you. We learned to to take offense because really, she was sensitive and really sweet.
    Daymen was just the laid back sort of guy who didn't care about anything. He didn't have a passion in like other than video games and didn't bother to agree or disagree with people. We were an odd group hanging out together but opposites attract I guess. But today no one was really joking around or laughing. Along with the rest of the school. It was awkward and I felt bad that I wasn't scared like everyone else. Spruce Hills was normally a very quiet and very safe town. This wasn't something that happened very often.
    “What do you think, Addison?” Kim asked me. I shrugged, twisting off the stem on my apple.
    “Dunno. Her boyfriend is a college student right? Maybe she’s staying with him.”
    “No, I knew her in elementary school. She’s not the type of person who would do that.”
    “People change when they get into high school.” Daymen stated boredly. “I don’t think your word counts for much. Mackenzie’s would, she knew her longest I think.”
    “Mackenzie went home.” Tyler said. “During fourth hour. Had a mental break down.”
    “I don’t blame her.” Avrie sighed. “The poor girl.”
    “She’ll turn up by tonight.” I said slowly. “You guys are just overreacting.” All of them but Tyler gave me funny looks. None of them understood why I was never afraid. They didn’t understand what was really going on though. Then again, neither did I.

    After lunch was history, then French was last. I never really got into French much. I mostly just took it for college credits. I didn’t really like the teacher, a thin little woman who said “Um” about two million times a day and a bunch of students who were taking it for the same reason I was. Then I walked home. The cool autumn air was nice and the breeze smelled like maple trees and pumpkins. It was probably the most enjoyable time of the day. Living in Spruce Hills, Colorado; there was a lot of forest and mountains for parks and camping trips.
    Normally, I walked home with Tyler and Avrie, but Tyler had swim practice today so it was just Avrie and I. As we turned the corner away from the school, she asked me if I knew Tessa at all.
    “No.” I said. “Not really at all. I just know she’s on the basketball team right?”
    “Softball.” Avrie corrected. “It just seems so scary to me. You don’t think there’s a murderer in the town, do you?”
    “Of course not.” I answered, popping my back and pulling my long, boring, dirty blond hair over one shoulder. I always envied people with the thick black brown or blond. Mine was just so normal and usual. The only features I was really fond of; were my eyes and my figure. I thought I was pretty well curved, and my eyes were a dark blue in the center and a light brownish green along the outside.
    “I just wish I knew where she was, and all the girls who knew her would stop crying, then I wouldn’t be so freaked out.” Avrie sighed, shifting her backpack to the other shoulder. “Want to go to the mall today?” she asked. “Get our mind off things, by torturing ourselves with looking at things we want, but can’t afford?”
    I laughed out loud. “I would love to.” I said. “But I have a lot of homework today. Tomorrow’s Friday though. Want to go then?”
    “Alright. You drive?”
    “Okay.” I agreed mostly because I knew Avrie wasn’t very comfortable with her car yet. It was a stick shift which she wasn’t really good at so I normally drove her places in my Honda pilot.
    As we reached the street where we had to part ways, we both agreed on a time that was good for both of us, then agreed not to tell Kimberly. She was fun, but she was a pain in the butt at the mall. So we would just keep it to the two of us. Then we separated. And I walked the last two blocks home by myself, lingering deep in my thoughts.

    The next morning, I woke up early and took a shower in the dark, which was like my extra ten minutes of sleep. Then, pulling on my robe, I padded down the stairs to eat breakfast with my parents and my twin older brothers. Kimble and Cooper.
    All four of them looked very grave as I arrived. My mother gave me a soft look as I sat down in front of my plate.
    “You’re not going to school today, Addy.” She stated. “You can go back to bed.”
    “What? Why?” I asked. And judging by the look on my dads’ face afterwards, I regretted asking.
    “Because they found Tessa Knight a few hours ago.” My father informed me. “She’s dead.”


    Two
    I was born in March. And I was two years old when my parents finally began to notice that whenever I cut myself or stepped on a rock or fell down on the pavement, I never cried or acted like I was wounded. I was also never startled or scared of people holding me or leaving me with a babysitter. It was when my older brother Kimble accidentally backed over my finger on his bike and I didn’t do anything but make angry noises at him for running over my Barbie; that they took me in to get my finger, as well as my mental state looked over.
    That’s when the doctor announced I couldn’t register physical pain or fear in my brain. It wouldn’t affect my learning or development, but it was dangerous. Like with the example of my broken leg. Had I not ever mentioned it to my parents, it could have gotten very bad and possibly lead to an amputation. Or if I were to walk up to a stranger as a kid, or wander off at the store, I wouldn’t feel the panic that a child should feel to find their parents again.
    So they had to keep an eye on me all the time. It was annoying really. I never understood why I felt numb when I would skin my knee or burn my hand on the stove. But I guess in some ways it was a blessing.
    Such as now.
    “She’s dead?” I asked. Both my brothers looked pale and weak along with my mother. It must have been horrifying to thing someone who lived in your same town had just died as a teenager. But I only felt pity and concern for the reasoning. No fear. “How? Did it have to do with her running away?”
    “No, well, they don’t know.” My dad sighed. “But all signs point to a murder.”
    “Murder?” I blinked in surprise, sitting down at the table. “Why do they think that?”
    “They found her in a river. It would appear like she simply slipped and fell in while wandering around after dark. But…” My dad drifted off, glancing over at my mother. She took a deep breath.
    “Tyler’s father called us. He said this information is unclear, but she looked to have been strangled. A night in the cold water erased most evidence, but it’s very clear that whoever, or whatever did this. They took her eyes.”
    I felt my stomach lurch in disgust. Still, no fear, but disgust.
    “No eyes? Like, gouged out?”
    “They believe so. They were taken very cleanly. Like on purpose. Please don’t tell this to anyone all right? It’s confidential, we weren’t even supposed to tell you.”
    “All right….” I agreed. Tyler’s father was a cop, so he often shared his information with our family, seeing that his son and I were friends since childhood. So I was sure Tyler knew about this.
    “Did you know her well?” Cooper asked. I shook my head, my wet hair falling in front of my face.
    “No, but just thinking of the possibility of a murderer in our neighborhood would freak anyone out.” I sighed.
    “Except you.” Kimble pointed out.
    “That’s what we need to talk about.” My mother breathed, gripping my shoulder. “I know you’re not scared. And the doctor said this could lead you to do irrational things without thinking of the consequences.”
    “Mom-“
    “That’s why I need you to promise to me-” she continued as if she hadn’t heard me. “That you won’t wander off or go out exploring in the woods any more. Don’t go anywhere alone and don’t venture anywhere dangerous.”
    “Mom!” I sighed. “I’m not stupid. Why would I do that?”
    “You just don’t think the way other kids your age do.” My father explained softly. “You would run out in the woods after dark to get firewood when everyone else would be too afraid.”
    “I know that.”
    “So please just be extra cautious until we get whoever was behind this okay?” My mom sighed. “I would feel better if you got a ride home. And if Tyler accompanied you from place to place.”
    “I don’t need an escort, I’ll be fine.” I huffed, standing to go. “This will be over by next week, you’ll see. It’s just one girl. It was probably some drunk who got her or something.”
    “Hey now, little missy. I know you’re not scared but do show some respect.” My father warned me. I exhaled shortly out of my nose, then turned to go back to my room. I heard my brothers whispering something to my parents behind me, but didn’t bother to stop and listen.

    At about noon, my French homework was interrupted as my phone went off with loud vibrations on my desk. I stretched, putting down my book and leaned over to answer it.
    “Hello?”
    “Hey Addie, it’s Avrie.”
    “Oh, hey.”
    “Are we still going to the mall?” she asked. I paused.
    “I don’t know.” I answered. “I don’t think my parents will let me.”
    Avrie made a noise of agreement on the other end of the line. “They told you too?” she said.
    “Yeah.”
    “My mom just said that they cancelled school over a bomb threat or something. But she looked so scared I texted Tyler for more details…”
    I huffed. Avrie could always see when something was worse than it was supposed to seem. And she always knew either Tyler and I knew what was going on.
    “It’s so scary isn’t it?” she breathed. “That Tessa’s dead.”
    “Yeah.” I agreed a little too mono-tone. “what did Tyler say to you?”
    “That they found her in the river down my the golf course. He said the cops suspect she fell in while drunk. That’s so sad.”
    I swallowed, so they were even covering up the story from Avrie. “Yeah.” I said. “I hope her family and friends will be alright.”
    “Me too. My mom tried to call Tessa’s mom when she heard the news but there was no answer. Figured right? I wonder if they’ll hold a funeral.”
    “I’m sure they will.” I sighed. “But I’ll get my parents to let me come pick you up. Let’s say in about half an hour?”
    “All right.” Avrie agreed, glad to be off the subject. “I’ll be waiting.”
    “All right, see you later.”
    “Bye.”
    I pressed the “end call” button on the screen and tossed my phone into a pile of dirty clothes on my floor then flopped across the bed. Strangled with her eyes gouged out? They wouldn’t be able to hide that for long. If it really had been a murder I wondered how long it would be before it got out in public. And how the students would react. Would they shut down school? Surely not. After all, it was just one girl right? No reason for mass evacuation or anything.
    Another buzz from my phone pulled me from my heavy thoughts. I glanced over to see I had a new message from Tyler.
    Like a beached whale, I crawled over to where I had tossed the phone and flipped it open. It read;
    Parents tell you about Tessa?
    I answered ; Yeah.
    No less than a minute later he replied; The truth?
    Yeah. I sent back. Boy this was getting nowhere…. As I was waiting for his answer, my mom walked into the room and sighed.
    “Addie, you put your dirty clothes in the hamper not on the floor.”
    “Can I take Avrie to the mall?” I asked. She seemed a little appalled at my sudden, random question. Then concerned.
    “The mall? Oh, Addie I don’t really want you going anywhere today…”
    “I’ll be with Avrie. And lots of people will be there. We’ll just go shopping in the big stores.” I begged, then as my phone vibrated I looked down again. “Tyler can come.” I said. That got her. My mom always thought Tyler was like, my guardian angel or something. Because he was the only one who knew about my condition and took my safety very seriously.
    “Okay, all right fine.” She gave in. “But be home by six.”
    “Deal, thanks mom.” I grinned. She waved me away and continued down the hall and I flipped open my phone again.
    Tyler had wrote; They think it was a guy she reported followed her home a few months ago. They’re looking into it now.
    And I said; Avrie and I are going to the mall in about 20 minutes. Care to join?
    Then I sighed and leaned back on my arms. This would be over by Monday. This was a quiet town where nothing happened. What could possibly go wrong?











    Three

    I drove to pick up Avrie first who dashed out of her house in a light pink sundress and a red purse slung over her shoulder. She yelled something into the house for her parents to hear then scurried to the driveway to get the passenger seat.
    “Hey!” she grinned as she got in, buckling up.
    “Howdy.” I replied, backing back out onto the street. “So, Tyler’s coming with us.”
    Her face fell slightly. “Why?”
    “It was the only way my parents would let me out of the house.” I sighed. “They still think it’s dangerous. With Tessa’s death and all.”
    Avrie looked concerned. “Why?” she asked again. “She fell in the river. How does this affect our safety?”
    I didn’t answer. I had spoken without thinking, again. Maybe Tyler could come up with a better excuse. I drove through town a little above the speed limit, making California stops at stop signs. Avrie never said anything, she was used to me being a little bit of a reckless driver. When I pulled up to Tyler’s house he was out waiting for me on his lawn.
    He was in a checkered v neck sweater with a white undershirt and jeans. Along with his big 3D looking glasses, he looked almost ridiculous. So ridiculous, in fact, that it was cool. He hopped into the back seat before I have even fully stopped the car.
    “Onward, to the mall!” he laughed. Although I could tell some of it was fake. He knew about Tessa’s murder too. And it did seem to have him a little worried.
    “Hey Tyler.” Avrie greeted. “Ready to wait out in the halls while Addie and I buy clothes and lotion?”
    “Nope. I’ll be waiting in the game shop, thank you very much.” He answered. Avrie laughed. I tried my best to put on a smile but it didn’t seem to be working too well.
    I pulled onto mainstreet then down 5th until we reached the parking lot to the mall. The entire time, not saying much but just listening to Avrie and Tyler argue about games and books.
    The mall was pretty busy today. Navigating the hallways was like being a guppy trying to swim through a salmon infested river. The first place Avrie wanted to go was bath and body. Tyler agreed to come along because he liked to smell the different perfumes and recommend them to us, though we very seldom listened to him.
    Avrie ended up buying at least four different perfumes and lotions and even happily used most of the testers that had been put out. I ended up buying a lotion for myself, and tried to spray Tyler with the sparkle spray until some of the employees started giving us dirty looks and I unhappily put it away.
    After that, Tyler did as he said he would and went to game stop while Avrie and I shopped around in the cloths. We tried on different prom dresses just for fun and took tons of pictures. Then we looked at different nail polishes and make up.
    “This is where Kim would be getting critical.” Avrie informed me as she put on some sample lip gloss. I nodded.
    “Didn’t she tell you, you can’t wear red lipstick because it makes you look pale?” I laughed. She scowled into the mirror.
    “Yes. And I love red lipstick. I think I look fine.”
    “As do I.” I agreed. Then paused as my stomach growled. “You hungry?” I asked.
    “Yes. Starving.” She grinned. “Let’s go get Tyler then we can get some Pizza and grill barn. They have the best pizza ever.”
    “I know, I know. We always eat at Grill Barn.” I giggled, poking her in the stomach. “I bet he’s still in the gaming store. Let’s go.”
    We found Tyler right where we had left him, and hurried up to the top floor to order our food. We each got a big, fat slice of cheese and pepperoni pizza, with a large ice cold smoothie to go with it. Then fought the crowd to find a place to sit and eat. It was nice to just joke around and stuff ourselves after all that had just happened. And for the moment, everything was back to normal and just fine.
    And then that moment ended.
    Avrie gently elbowed my shoulder. “Look.” She sighed. I turned and saw Mackenzie trying to make her way through the large pack of hungry people with a take-out foam box in her hands. When her sad eyes found us, she looked a little relieved and walked over.
    “Is it okay if I join you for a little while?” she asked. Her voice sounded hoarse and depressed, and her face didn’t look much different. I was actually shocked she was at the mall after her friend just died.
    We reluctantly agreed and she flopped down in the chair next to Tyler with a heavy sigh. There was an awkward silence that followed.
    “What are you doing here, Mackenzie?” Avrie finally asked. She shrugged, opening her box to reveal some mouth-watering Chinese food.
    “Parents were fighting. Didn’t want to listen to it. So I came to get some food.” She answered. Tyler and I exchanged glanced.
    “How are you doing?” he asked her. She sighed.
    “Better.” She answered. “The cops are on it now, I’m sure they’ll find Tessa by tonight.”
    I was confused for a moment before I realized her parents must have not told her yet. That’s probably what they had been arguing about…. I gave both Tyler and Avrie looks to make sure they didn’t say anything. They both understood.
    “I just don’t understand.” Mackenzie breathed. “Tessa was such a good daughter. She never would have snuck out to hide with her boyfriend or anything. She always goes to church and wears a ring to promise to her dad that she won’t have sex before marriage and almost has straight A’s and no tardies…. This is just so out of the ordinary for her. It has to be something else. I mean she doesn’t even drink!”
    I swallowed another bite of pizza which was somehow beginning to taste more and more bland with the conversation going on.
    “You said the cops are on it?” I asked. She nodded. I didn’t want to lie so bluntly as to say that it would be alright and they would find her, seeing as she was already dead. So I didn’t say anything else. Luckily, Mackenzie got up a few seconds later, zipping up her jacket.
    “I need to go.” She said. “See you guys at school tomorrow.” And with that she left. Avrie pulled her open mouth into a frown as she disappeared amongst the crowd.
    “Man, that’s awful, she doesn’t even know her friend is dead!” she whispered loudly. “I didn’t know what to say!”
    “Me neither.” Tyler agreed. “I hope she finds out soon. Or she’s going to find out the hard way at school tomorrow.”
    “Her parents had better tell her. It will only make it worse if she stays ignorant all weekend.” I agreed, then stood to go, throwing my empty smoothie cup and napkins in the garbage. “It’s almost five.” I informed them. “We should go.”
    “Yeah, okay.” Tyler sighed, popping a piece of gun into his mouth and belching. Avrie gave him a look of total disgust. Then we headed out to the parking lot quietly, with not much to say.

    It was four in the morning. I opened my eyes and looked at my alarm clock and groaned, rolling over to go back to sleep. I never woke up this early on a Saturday. My mind seemed to know when it was a weekend and I stayed totally out of it until at least nine.
    “Addison.”
    I blinked and sat up on my elbows so see who was in my room. Cooper was peaking in through the doorway. The hall lights were on.
    “What?” I snapped.
    “Tyler and some cops are down in the living room.” He informed me. “They need to talk to you.”
    “Me? Why me?” I mumbled.
    “I don’t know. But it seems urgent.” He sighed. “come on.”
    “Wait, I’m in pajamas! I’m not even wearing a bra!” snapped. “I can’t let Tyler see me like that!”
    “Then put a blanket around your shoulders, but let’s go.” I huffed, grabbing my elbow to drag me out of bed. I did as he said then shuffled down the stairs, squinting in the bright light. Sure enough, Tyler, my parents, Kimble and three cops, one being Tyler’s father, were in our doorway. Tyler’s dad looked up when he saw me.
    “Oh, Addie, sorry to wake you so early.” He sighed. “But we simply couldn’t wait any longer.”
    “What is it?” I asked, trying to wet my tongue.
    “you, Tyler and Avrie saw Mackenzie at the mall yesterday, am I correct?” he asked, closing our front door behind him.
    “Yeah.” I said. “Why?”
    “We believe you three were the last to see her. So we need to take you in for questioning.” Another cop said. “you see, Mackenzie’s missing.”