• 100 Church Things To Think About


    1. Do not raise your hand during the sermon

    2. Do not use the bathroom in the middle of service

    a. Especially when sitting in front

    3. When pastor tells you to do something make sure they do it too

    4. When the Call to Christ comes up and the hole church gets up, get up too

    5. Do not treat communion cups as shot glasses

    6. Do not sleep during prayer or sermon

    7. Do not give your business to the pastor any others

    8. Think before you talk

    9. Do not congregate after church hours

    10. Do not enter during the sermon

    11. Do not be last to enter the sermon

    12. Where a belt at all times

    13. Bring a fan (because they run out)

    a. Especially in “Black” Churches

    14. Bring all versions of bible especially KJV

    15. Make sure you know your bible

    16. Bring offering

    17. Do not drive fast in church parking lot

    18. Do not sneak into kids church because you don’t want to hear pastor

    19. Do not be first in line for food after service

    20. Do no t take to long in the bathroom

    21. Do not talk about sports or other irrelevant topics in sanctuary

    22. Do not talk about playing numbers in church

    23. Do not be the first one out the church

    24. Its not always good to be the most committed at church

    25. Join A committee

    26. Bring your own mints and gum

    27. Do not bring babies (loud) to church

    28. Do not cover ears when pastor is preaching, even if it is loud

    29. Keep up with sermon, do not get lost

    30. Do not use a church phone for personal calls

    31. TURN YOUR FONE OFF OR DOWN

    32. ESPECIALLY IF THERE IS A UNGODLY RINGTONE

    33. If pastor has teenage child…run

    34. Don’t swear

    a. Even if its on accident

    35. Say hello to everybody

    36. At picnics or gatherings get your food first and quick

    37. Do not walk around during service looking for a seat

    38. When in doubt take a knee

    39. Do not say prayer especially when under pressure

    40. Don’t try to be funny in church

    41. Do not try to out sing choir

    42. Do not display your “game” in or around church people

    43. Do not tell someone you think a girl in church is cute

    44. Do not complain about church food

    45. Address pastor after service saying how good the message was

    46. Do not come in church with Jordans

    47. You are allowed to wear Polo’s

    48. Do not invite church people to a party

    49. When asked to request a song do not do rap, hip-hop, anything except gospel

    a. Especially Lil’ Wayne

    50. Don’t volunteer for church events or you will get all complaints and no congrats

    51. Don’t wear mini-dresses or mini-skirts

    52. Don’t go to church hung-over

    53. Don’t be the flyest person in church

    54. Don’t look good with a ghetto haircut

    55. NO wild AFRO

    56. Don’t fall in middle of isle

    57. Don’t trip walking up to podium

    58. Make sure you can read and understand bible

    59. Do not snatch communion from pastor

    60. Keep up with communion covenant

    61. Do not make plans on communion Sunday

    62. Only give church hugs

    63. Learn the handshake

    64. Do not get caught flexing during service

    65. Do not sit in front row and draw attention

    66. Have your offering ready

    67. Do not impersonate being a gangster with a cane because they might think your injured

    68. Do not overdue a speech or take the pastor’s role

    69. If you don’t know a church song at least act like you do…lip sing

    70. Do not leave before or during the benediction

    71. Read your bulletin correctly

    72. Sermon notes are not required

    73. Don’t sit next to the loudest person in church

    74. Do not moan or groan when something doesn’t go your way

    75. Do not join choir and skip rehearsal

    76. Do not play football in the parking lot

    77. Bring extra food

    78. If you know people in church do not miss a Sunday, they will tell on you

    79. If you want to go somewhere directly after church bring a change of clothes

    80. Laugh at pastors jokes

    81. Do not create obscene noises or smells in church

    82. No stretching during service

    83. Address the pastor as pastor not by full name

    84. Do not address elders by first name

    85. Do not bust out laughing obnoxiously even if pastor said something funny

    86. Don’t wear HUGE hats

    87. Don’t sit behind someone with a HUGE hat

    88. Don’t where all white or you will be placed on the usher board without consent

    89. Unless you plan on staying at church talk quickly and leave after church

    a. Especially women

    90. If you don’t learn anything at the church find another one

    91. When instructed to bring food or anything to an event, do it

    92. Don’t talk during service

    93. Try to be quiet when opening a bag of cough drops or candy

    94. Don’t make any sudden movements or they will think you have the holy ghost running through you

    95. Don’t blast any explicit music when near church

    96. Don’t come to church in any “pimped out” vehicles if can be controlled

    97. Don’t make the church van or bus wait on you

    98. When someone is confessing sins don’t laugh and say “YOU DID WHAT!”

    99. Don’t try to prove the pastor wrong

    100. And……When in doubt…… say “God is Good”