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I find it very ironic that this entry would coincide my previous entries, considering the contrasting titles. I thought I had the job, the possibility of a future, and the possibility of being able to eventually buy my own car and dip my feet into “The Real World”. No, I’m not speaking of the irritating reality TV show. I’m talking about the honest-to-God REAL WORLD that all of us were warned about in our teens and childhood. The main reason I searched vigorously for a job was so I could afford a car. Now, you may be thinking, “Damn, what a spoiled brat!” But look at it from my perspective. I feel like I’m so ready for a life of my own; I’m ready to break away from my family and live independently. Hell, normal teenagers my age have been driving already for two years and living on their own…driving the car that mommy and daddy bought them for their birthday. They’re far ahead of me and they’re far younger than I am. You see, a car isn’t just a car, in my eyes; it’s my key to independence and a way for me to leave if I feel the need to. So, to get down to the point of this entry, I lost the job that I worked to get after a week. Why? Because my grandmother wouldn’t take me to work on Sundays and I HAVE to work Sundays. She won’t take me because she is a “devout” Christian that wants to go to church every Sunday and she refuses to take me to work. I have no other way to get to work. Now then, we wouldn’t have this problem if I could drive my own sorry a** to work every day. For any younger people out there who may be reading this, when your parents tell you the good ole’ lecture about how life isn’t fair, friggin’ listen, because every word of it is probably true.
Optimism is no longer an option for me. People always tell me how negative I am, but it’s something that I can’t really help. After you’ve had your hopes broken multiple times, you tend to lose hope completely and look at things with reality in mind. Nine times out of ten, reality is negative, hate to break it to ya. I’ve seen so many people become successful before they’re even out of high school and it makes me think, “How will I ever work hard enough to make up for all that hasn’t been given to me?” This isn’t just about material possessions or a person’s family being rich, it’s about the encouragement, love, and help that people my age get from their parents. Considering my situation, I have nothing compared to these people. My parents may love me now that I’m an adult, but I tend to wonder why they didn’t plan for my future like everyone else when I was a child. It makes me wonder if they really wanted a child. Sometimes I feel like I was an obstacle that got in the way of my parents’ living their lives freely. Sometimes I feel like something’s missing. Sometimes I feel like a failure…