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"Help" Everyone needs it. Help, I mean. A person may need help moving furniture. So, naturally, you lend a hand to help them, right? A person may just need help with a simple visit by a friend or family member. I recently spent an entire week with my mom helping her clean up the old home place and just being there to talk with her about her frustrations as well as mine. I felt, after awhile, that she was probably getting sick of me but she assured me likewise. I rather enjoyed this week just being with my mom and talking with her about everything that’s been bothering us. Hell, it’s certainly cheaper than therapy! I’m very thankful that my mother and I have that “mother-daughter bond” that every mother dreams about. There is absolutely NOTHING that I can’t tell my mom. We talk about some pretty sick/crazy stuff and we’re always brutally honest with one another. This helps me more than anything right now. Even though I live with “kind and caring” grandparents, they aren’t able to listen and understand the way my mom does. She can get very angry at times, but I know she means well. So I’m beginning to wonder…why do I still feel as if my family owes me something? I thought for sure that once my parents were released that I would gain some closure on this particularly unsettling situation of mine. So why haven’t I? I’m beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me, mentally. Am I depressed? Am I insane? And why the hell can’t I be consistently happy?! I’m wondering if I don’t need “help”. Y’know, where you’re sent to a psychiatrist so they can prescribe you pills that make your emotions screw themselves over. I don’t want that…but I also don’t want this feeling to continue; this feeling of never being satisfied with ANYTHING! My appearance, my accomplishments, my knowledge, my relationship with my family, and even my lovely home where I currently reside…none of it satisfies me. Something always seems like it’s missing. And if I hear somebody tell me it’s because I don’t have a boyfriend, I will stab you in the jaw! Seriously. A boyfriend will only throw things into more chaos. I’m not big on “love” anyway. Close friends know where I truly stand on that matter. I’m hoping that my going to college will alleviate part of this. If it doesn’t I may actually consider the other option. If anybody else feels similar to the way I do, I could certainly sympathize. I’d like to hear from those that do…

Posted by: Angelic Atrophy Sun Sep 07, 2008 @ 08:47pm

If there will be no tears in Heaven, what will happen to the tears of joy shed at the gates?

User Comments: [1]

mutehallows27
Community Member

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Mon Sep 08, 2008 @ 03:32am

I wouldn't go as far to say that there's something wrong with you just because you don't feel satisfied with anything.
At this point, especially people such as ourselves, we don't really have anything to be super proud of.
I'm sure a lot of people at our age feel this way because we don't have consistant jobs, houses, and things like that.
We live in houses that were not of our choosing, we live in a place that was not of our choosing and we live lives that were not of our choosing.
These things will begin to change as we grow up and I think then we can really start to feel proud of what we have and gain a sense of accomplishment.
As to what you are missing, only you will really know that. I feel like something's missing in my life because I don't feel completely in control and because to me, love is something I'd like to be a part of, so when I see everybody else part-taking I feel left out and lost.
Perhaps you feel like you're missing out because you're not completely in control of your life.
I'm not really sure what advice to give you. I suppose there really are two, three actually options.
Option A, ride the tide. Go with the flow and wait, as infuriating as it may seem, for things to turn out. For this adulthood we've heard about, and despite the promise of more s**t problems, at least you'll have control over them.
Option B, you go to a psychatrist or psychologist and get a professional opinion or some pills. Maybe both.
Option C, the hardest option of them all, the option I preach, but have a hell of a hard time following, make the best of it. Really sit, do some soul-searching and think about how you're feeling, why you're feeling like that, and what you're going to do about it. My natural reaction is to get upset about it and remain upset about it. I don't really ride the tide, I just make the situation worse by worrying about it and thinking of the worst possible option I can for everthing.
Continuous happiness is something that's very difficult to attain, and don't be fooled, once you have it it's not like riding a bike. It doesn't stick with you. It's kind of like that PostSecret card: Every day is a compromise.
I thought I had found continuous happiness, but I took it for granted and now, well, it's starting to slowly come back. I think. I've seen Brooke struggle with it for all these years, but her situation's a little different.
Anywho. Sorry to ramble. Hope this helped. If it discouraged then I'm sorry, but that would be an indication that you might wanna consider Option C.
I know we haven't been through the same things, but I still understand the struggle for happiness. Just know that it's winnable.
If it wasn't then we'd never be happy. I think those moments when we are we aren't really aware of it, but we're giving ourselves a break. The barriers come down. We don't think to apply that in the tough situations, but it does work.
Anywho. I'm ending this for real now.
Like I said, hope it helped! smile

User Comments: [1]

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