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"Complication"
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love and what it means to me as compared to other people. I never thought I would be writing about this particular subject seeing as I’ve always told myself that love is something I will never find. I don’t want to see myself stuck in a relationship that doesn’t contain mutual respect and mutual love. I tend to fear the worst when it comes to things I know very little about. So what if I’ve had 3 boyfriends in my entire life? That doesn’t matter to me, because none of them were REAL. They meant NOTHING! They were all full of teenage male hormones finding the need to get into my pants. They would tell me they “loved” me. Nothing could be further from the truth. More like they loved my female reproductive system. There are a couple of guys in my life right now who seem…different to me. There’s something about them and the way they look at me and the way they talk to me that has me convinced that they may actually be looking for something more than sex. I’m not very sure about anything though, to be absolutely honest with myself and all of you who actually take the time to read these mindless little ramblings. I fear the future, so I’m never 100% sure of myself or my decisions. I won’t reveal any names but these two guys are two people that I hardly even know. In fact, I haven’t known either of them for even a year! But I’ve noticed the air change when I’m around either of them. I can't quite explain it properly. It's just one of those things that can only be believed if you've experienced this yourself. One of them; however, already has a girlfriend, but he certainly doesn’t act like it around me! The other is a guy I’ve met at the college I attend. I “run into” him everyday in the study lounge. A few of my friends/fellow cosmetology students have noticed the same things I have as well. For example, the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not looking or the way he talks to me face to face, looking directly at me, or perhaps the way he tends to stand close beside me. I suppose I can do nothing but be myself, wait, and enjoy his company whenever I can. Until then...
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