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Moonlight Mermaid journal
Chapter 33: Forget All the Pain
I ran into the drawing room. "Lelouch! Lelouch!" I cried out. He turned to face me in his set, and rose to his feet. "Melissa, is something wr-" He said. I rushed into him, and hid myself in his arms (nearly knocking him down). He wrapped his arms around me. I think he was confused about why I was upset. "Shh..." He told me, petting my head. "Make it stop! Make it go away!" I cried, sinking to my feet. I felt pathetic, and worthless...but mostly I felt hurt. Like a dagger had pierced my heart. Or rather that someone or something had ripped my heart out, slammed it on the ground, beat the s**t out of it, and slammed it back into my chest. Lelouch beant down next to me, and picked me up. He cradled me like a baby in his arms and kissed my forehead. "Why does the angel weep? The angel shouldn't weep it's wrong." Lelouch said. "this is called angel saw that basterd that cheated on me with that slut walking along the beach shore! That basterd who lied to me! Toyed with my emotions! Lied to me by kissing me, and saying he loved me! Cared about me! All lies!" I weeped. "It isn't fair! I did nothing wrong! I ONLY WANTED LOVE! TO BE LOVED!" "I love you." He said. It made me feel better when he said he loved me, but sadly not enough to stop my tears. He sat down with me in his arms. I hid my face in his chest, ashamed of crying in front of him. He petted my head, strocked my hair, and whispered sweet things in my ear for hours...maybe the whole night. My mind become more sleepish little...by little...a restless sleep washed over me.

User Image I must have fallen asleep in his arms though because the next morning I found myself in bed. Lelouch wasn't there. Probably working on his music again. I still felt hurt after last night. I felt to misrable, and depressed to get up. What was the point? I heard the piano playing softly in the drawing room. "Lelouch..." I smiled softly. I climbed out of the bed, and wondered quitly into the drawing room. Lelouch sat at the piano working. I strolled over to him, and wrapped my arms around his neck in an embrace. He abrubtly came to a halt, and stared up at me. He took my hand, and placed it on his cheek, holding it close, and felt the warmth from my hand. His eyes closed. "Does my Lady of the Moon feel any better?" He asked. I heaved a sigh. "I love you." He said. I smiled weakly. "Why do the angel's of light moke us? Shun us?" I asked. "They're not angel's there demons! The y shun us because we do no wrong, and they want to hurt us. The y think there supirior." Lelouch said. "Shun the demon's." I said. He stared at me. He smiled, and stroked my cheek. "Yes..." He said. He rose, and held me tenderly in his arms. These arms were confronting, and warm. I never felt so safe and warm in my life. Despite Lelouch's sometimes violent nature. I was aware of his gentleness. "Lelouch, you didn't sleep well last night?" I said. He looked tierd. Had he been up all night trying to calm me? I couldn't remember. "I was upset to see you were upset last night. It kept me awake." He said. I blushed slightly. "I'm fine now." I lied. "Maybe you should go lie down and rest. I'll be fine." I held his hand and lead him to our room. "Your hurt yet you don't want me to worry?" Lelouch asked. "No." I said. "I just don't want you to forget to take care of yourself because of me." I pulled the coveres over him, and kissed him gently. "You sure your alright?" He asked. Even if I said I was fine...he knew I was liying. I had never been good at liying. "Yes." I said. "Just get some sleep." He closed his eyes and fell asleep as I began to sing my mothers lullaby, for me from childhood, to him.

Dancing Bears
Painted wings
Things I almost remember
And a song...
Someone sings...
Once Upon a December

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Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory....

Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory

Far away
Long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Things that yern to remember
And a song...
Someone sings...
Once upon a December


He was completly out cold. I left the room and sat in the drawing room thinking as I fiddled with the keys on the piano. Thinking about how badly I took it when I saw Jordan kissing that girl that day I'd realized he'd never cared for me. And now. The hearbreak actually truelly hitting, and making me feel like complete and totel s**t. I was s**t. A joke! I lived in a fairy tale. Beliving that there was always a happy ending to everything. That love concered all. None or it...was real. My mothers fairy tale stories to me as a child were all lies. Stories meant to entertain a child...not make them belive it was real. But reality was cruel. And In a fairy tale you, as the good guy, always won. In reality...no. I was just always believing my mom's stories of those things. A child's heart maybe even mind...stuck in the body of a young women's. And because of all the fairy tale stories I had been hurt many times. 8 times! STILL COUNTING! I'd let myself get hurt to many times because of my childish heart! My stupid, iggnorent childish mind!

User Image I wanted to forget. Forget...my pains...my past...the hurt...the heartache. I didn't want to live like this. Not in front of Lelouch. I didn't want to shead tears in front of him anymore. Make him worry about me, and stop taking care of himself. I...just...wanted to be free of that pain. I stood without really noticing, and stolled out of the lair through a passage and found myself in a ally in Sunset Town. For once it was raining here. Guess it was Rainset Town right now. (I know bad joke XD) I placed my hood over my head and began strolling in the streets. My mind clouded with thousands of questions. Did I really want to forget it all? Yes. All this hurt was to much for me. Would it matter to Ana or Mat what happened to me? No. Not in the least. Ana had attacked her best friend, and mat....he's friend....or perhaps...love interest. No. I still doughted his feelings for me. I felt a familier presense though....one easily recognized....MAT! I looked up and saw him standing across from me on the empty streets staring at me trying to see behind the hood. "M-melissa." He said.

User Image He'd been up all night no dought. He looked more tierd then lelouch, and he was out of breath from the looks of it. I didn't respond. He took a step toward me. I think he got the idea he frightend me because I took a jerking step backwards. Unfortunatly this went wrong and I slimped and fell on my a**. My hood fell and my face was exposed. DAMN IT! Why do I have to be so accident prone as a human! He was looking at me as if he knew what I was thinking. He seemed to still be getting used to my new apperance. Though I still retain a child-like apperance even though I was 15 my apperance had changed. I got the feeling he couldn't approve of my new self. The more depressed me that retained very little traits of my former self. I glanced away and picked myself up of the wet concrete. It was a miricale I hadn't changed into a mermaid from falling in the puttle of water. But it was one of those days I wouldn't. And I now had a clock that would prevent that. I had placed a spell on it to conceal my mermaid identity. So I wouldn't suddenly just have my tail and no legs. Mat looked like he was ready to sweep me off my feet and run off with me so Lelouch couldn't find me. Like he'd keep running no matter how tierd he was till Lelouch was out of his way and had given up.

If that's what the retard was wating for...then fat chance moran! (no offense) Lelouch wouldn't let me be captured by a demon of the light. He would work his a** off to get me back. Mat took a lunge at me to grab me off my feet but I kicked my heel upward and kicked him in the jaw as he leaned down to pick me up. He feel back a little. I jumped up and started running. I couldn't outrun him there was no dought in that but I had a plan. I headed for a ally as he chased me gaining up on me fast. Once in the shadows I blended myself into the shadows. I watched as Mat ran into the ally and found no sign of me. "Where..." He said. He checked every inch of the ally. I was no where. What he failed to realize was that I was there. But I was blended into the shadows and that also masked my aura and cherry blossom scented hair. I swore I heard him mumble distinct swears under his breath as he walked away, but I wasn't sure. I stepped out of the shadows, and then used my ability with shadows to climb up the building wall up to the roof. The wind blew my hood and clock around. I turned to look over the town. Mat had run off to check somewhere else I suppose. Boy was I wrong. As I turned to stroll away I found Mat at the top of the building already staring at me. How did he...? Damn it!

Flames of shadow started to surround me. I had to get away. I had no time for him. I had a lot on my mind as it was. "Don't...move..." He said out of breath. HA! Did he really think I was going to listen. My wings on my back glowed a dark purple. "I won't be moving." I said mincingly. "But my wings will be." I smiled devishly and then started laughing like a women gone mad. Mat didn't realize that my wings were actually also a weapon. My wings arrow like feathers started coming out in front of me and making a shape for each indivdual wing. Suddenly they formed two black dragons, and jerked forward at Mat. He stared for a moment but then collected himself and jerked out of the way. My wings went back to there normal shapes on my back. Catching me off guard. He lunged towards me ready to grab me and run off with me. My wings glowed purple again, and suddenly they enclosed around me, forming a shield around me. I couldn't see anything. But I felt something hit me and then nothing. My wings had conjured up a shield! When they receded I noticed Mat had been flung backwards from hitting my shielding wings. I hadn't done that though. I hadn't told my wings to protect me. It must of been a just discovered new ability. It would come in handy.

I had no sword so my wings were all I had along with my magic abilities. So I had thought. One of the feathers to my wings that had fell to the ground when it formed the shield glowed purple and flew into my right hand. Mat watched a little confused and amazed at my abilities. Obviously he didn't know that my wings were not just there for looks. My arrow like feather started to change. Soon it took the shape of a, simple in design, silver rapier with a standard French grip, and at the spot where the blade and grip meet was a crescent moon with a sapphire in the moon forming the same shape. I had a sword now. Mat had already been charging to knock the sword out of my hand though when he saw what my feather was forming. I raised my left hand, and so did all the feathers from my wings that had been on the ground rose to. I pointed my left index finger at Mat, and they went towards him. One managed to hit him, and cut him, but the others didn't as he used his wind to knock them away. He continued towards me. I wouldn't let him get to me.

User Image Suddenly, unexpectedly, I wall of distructive blue flames ingulfed me, and he came to a halt. He couldn't see me in the flames, but I wasn't in them anymore. "Melissa!" He yelled. I think he thought I was buring to a crisp in the flames. But these flames would not hurt there master. I wasn't in the flames now. I was behind Mat who still thought I was in the flames. Now was my chance. I ran towards him. Just then he heard my heels claping agaisnt the concrete roof and turned around and blocked my sword with his. The sound of our swords clashing rang lounder then the rain falling from the sky. It had started storming now. Even so the storm meant nothing. Me and Mat were engaged in battle, and had blocked everything else. Mat was good. I'd give that. Of course he'd been working with magic and swords sense a young age most likely. I had only just started...but I was good too. No...I was better. I swang at him, and he blocked. My disection methods of a battle was simple: Observe the oppnent by staling but still fighting. Then find his/her weak point take advantage of that weakness and attack. "Where's your weak point?" I mumbled my thoughts under my breath. I think he heard me not sure. It he did...then he knew what I was looking for now. While we took swing after swing at each other my wings glowed a dark purple, and they formed the twin black dragons again, and they lunged at him sending him flying. He quickly regained his footing and then spead towards me. The dragons retreated, and even though Mat was aiming to only disarm me, he knocked me backwards before I could attack again. I feel and hit my head hard against the concrete. I'd have a headache later on. I let out a snarl. "BASTERD!" I yelled. I was getting ready to take a stab at him, but my sword was gone. He'd knocked it out of my hand and away from me. I summoned it too me as I got up, but slipped as it did, and fell from the roof. I grabbed the buildings edges. "Give me your hand." Mat said. I looked up at him. "I'd rather go falling to my death." I said. "Don't be stupid." He said. He grabbed my hands and pulled me up. "NO! NO PUT ME DOWN!!!" I yelled. "Stop squarming!" He told me, placing me on my feet. He stared at me. I think he still wasn't used to my new apperance.

I took my right hand (my sword had changed back into a feather and reatached to my wings) and slapped him across the face. "Will you come to your senses already?!" He said grabbing my hands before I could slap him again. "I have it thank y-" I said. "No you don't!" He said. I tried to force him to let go but he had a firm grip. He did have one weakness though...one he couldn't defend right now. I took my leg and jerked it up, and hit him right in the croach. He let go of me, and fell on his knees holding his hands at his sore croach. Red in the face. Hmm....didn't think it really hurt that much. But I wasn't a boy....so I wouldn't know. Either way...now was my chance to escape. My cloths and myself soaked in water I strolled away. But I came to a halt as Mat spoke. "Why do you trust him? What is it about him that makes you love him? What is it about him that inspires you? WITH WHAT FEELING DOES HE INSPIRE YOU!?" He said. Everything about him made me love him. Everything about him inspired me. As for what feeling he inspires me with....fear. that was the horrible thing about it. He fills me with horror....yet I do not hate him. I would not let Mat know that though. It would only push him harder. Instead of answering....I kept walking and soon vanished into the shadows ingnoring his cries of "ANSWER ME!" over and over again. As I changed my cloths I thought. I would ask Lelouch to make me forget my pains. To use his geass and order me to forget. He'd never agree to it though. He didn't like using his geass....that was all there was to it. When I walked back into our room I found him awake, sitting up in bed and staring at me. "I want you to make me to forget." I said simply. I didn't think I needed to say anything though. I think he knew that's what I wanted....to forget my pains. He sighed. "Not using my geass." He said. "But I can make you forget. A simple spell." "Whatever it takes. I just want all the heartache to go away." I said. "It'll be a bit painful though. And I don't want to see you in pain." He said. "What is painful about forgeting what you want to forget?" I asked. "It's not that. It's the way the spell takes away your memories you wish to forget." He said. "I'm listening." I said. "The spell attacks your heart and mind...where the memories are at. Where it affects you most. It literly tears at the two, brain and heart, eatting the cells and/or anything that retains that memory or memories you wish to forget. Sometimes the pain is too much, and causes a person to need hospitalization....or unciousness for a few days. Maybe a small period in a coma." He said. "I'd take that just to forget." I said. Not entirly sure I spoke the truth. I had a fear of hospitals. And a coma was like a state of death...but actually a state of sleep. I feared death...so coma didn't sound much better. But if I could forget my heartache by these means....I would take the pain!

He could tell I wouldn't give in. I was a stubborn person. If I made my mind up I wouldn't change it. A heart that wouldn't be tamed. "Just the heartaches?" He asked. "Anything and/or anyone that's caused me pain." I said. He sighed. "Lay down." He said. "You'll be in a bit if not a lot of pain. So it's best you be laying down when this is done." I strolled over to the bed. He picked me up and layed me down, pulling the covers over me. "Close your eyes and try not to think about it. It'll be over fast." He said. I did as he said. "Relax." He said. I felt him place his right hand over my chest where my heart would be. He seemed to hesitate. "Go on." I said. He started speaking the incantation. I couldn't make it out though because after each word spoken I started to feel it taking effect of me. I felt like some kind of current of electricity was flowing through me. And it definatly wasn't pleasent. It hurt, and suddenly I found myself feeling as if I had been seperated from my body. Though I wasn't sure if I still had a body or physical shape I felt that I was jerking around in pain. I could hear someone saying my name but so low it was like there wasn't. I thought it was lelouch's voice. I wanted to scream for him. But when I opened my mouth and tried saying his name...no words came out. I think I heard him saying the names of things I wanted to forget. I couldn't tell. It's like my other senses other then feeling pain had been eliminated. Then I saw images in my head. I saw a smaller me crying when a boy rejected me. One of my past pains. Then it vanished from my mind. I couldn't even tell what I had just seen was. Memory after memory flashing in my head and then gone. Then I saw that cheter that had caused my 8th heartache: Jordan. I felt so much at that moment.

User Image Pain...sorrow...anger...hatred...a lust for reveange....a need to kill. Then he was gone. And I was left thinking who that boy was and why I had felt all those emotions when I saw him. These memories that I was forgeting. People, all of it...vanishing before me. But most of it didn't matter. Because they were memories that caused pain. I had no need for them in my head. But then I saw a girl smiling at me, and me laughing with her. A girl who had caused me pain...when she was a friend...or so I thought...Anastasia. Then like the passing of a storm...she was gone. Erased from my memories. Her and everything about her. I could no longer recall anything about her. Her name...favorite color...age....nothing. A black hole. My head was hurting like something was litterly smaking at my head and knocking the memories out of me. Then the one memory I pondered on forgeting...the one person....Mat. As I saw an image of him appear in front of me in this dark place I found myself reaching for him...as if for help. In this memory...it was when I kissed him suddenly. That kiss burning in my mind. Though I wasn't sure of his feelings to me I reached for him. Then like glass the memory shatterd into a thousand glisning pices. I was going to scream his name...but I couldn't recall it. Nothing about this blue haired boy I'd just seen. Like the girl's image before him I couldn't remember his age....name...favorite color. He like the girl before had been oblitherated from my mind. Who the cute blue haired boy had been...I couldn't remember. I felt like he was still there though. Just....locked away somewhere in my head. But why...had I reached my hand out for this boy. I didn't know him did I? If I did then how did I? It hurt to think. I was in darkness again. More memories of this boy shattering. One of him reaching his hand out to me...and me reaching back...but then he shattered again like glass. But each time...I knew nothing of him. He just appeared and then shattered into pices in front of me. Then everything was dark. The pain was gone, and I felt like I had a body again. "Melissa?" I heard a voice ask. Lelouch's....It couldn't be anyone else. I didn't have a father....at least I don't think I did. If I did I had no recall of one. Had he been in one of the images that shattered in front of me. "L-lelouch?" I asked. Before passing into unconciousness...recalling nothing about the peple I'd seen shatter in front of me.

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To be continued in chapter 34...

Note: next few chapters will be in lelouch's view...






User Comments: [1]
srs diva 2011 xxl
Community Member





Sun Apr 05, 2009 @ 08:05pm


This is deep. I would definitely feel it if you suddenly forgot about me, and just when I was remembering you. Such a pity. I wonder why he didn't erase your memory of Aoi, or your brothers for that matter; maybe he doesn't see them as important influences on your love with him.


User Comments: [1]
 
 
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