|
|
|
I'm getting more and more annoyed with s**t. It's pissing me off. Thing is, I don't know what I'm mad at. I'll just wake up in the morning and think, I'm going to be mad at this and that today. The problem is, I don't know I'm thinking that at the time- AND I don't know what this and that are until I'm in the shower. This next part gets creepy.
Normally I take steaming showers. I spend about 23 minutes showering, but the water is only on for 7-9 minutes. The rest of the time I'm thinking. Something about the smell of coconut milk and the feel of steam calms me down. I dunno. I am 2 months premature, and then I was dropped a few times. And then you have hypomania, ADD, paranoia, etc.
Back to the point. Yesterday, Hannah used up all of the hot water. I NEEDED to be clean. I showered in cold water. Yes, 58 degree water. I know. I measured the temperature. Anyway, I got my awesome coconut milk shampoo in my eyes. I solely wiped it away with my GIR wristband. (I forgot to take it off.) Then my towel was taken (again) so I had to use Julia's.
This is the weird part.
That wristband got in my way so much today, but it saved me from having my cellphone taken away in 4th period. I was texting Rachel, and at one point I dropped my phone. The substitute looked up. I quickly slipped my wristband off and pretended to be picking it up. The sub looked away, and I snatched the phone before he could see it.
Now, the towel has no significance, right? Wrong. Julia has a Finding Nemo towel with Dory on it. In the passing period from 5th period to 6th period, there was this girl wearing a Dory shirt. I stopped to say that I liked it. Then, WHAM! A door opens suddenly and jams my toe. If I would have kept walking, it would have HURT.
I didn't get mad at anything without reason today, either.
I think that showering in cold water may affect me long-term, too.
There is one thing I was still really mad about today, though.
I asked Sam why she wasn't at practice, and she refused to answer. It gets me SO mad! I know she won't drop out. If given half a chance, she would. I'm not giving her a chance. She knows I can totally ignore her for a long period of time. I've ignored people for MONTHS on end. She also knows more people would be favoring me if she did quit. The only reason she even stays, or so I believe, is because she fears me. It's not like I don't it, I'm just waiting for her to say outright- "I know we made an agreement and I know you may not want to talk to me anymore because I broke my word, but I am dropping out of basketball. I gave it my all, and I can't keep up."
Even then, I want her to give it another shot. And if she still doesn't like it, I won't hate her. I'll be disappointed because her word will mean nothing. I'll be upset because our team will no longer have enough players to make the playoffs.
Mostly, I'll be mournful for losing a friend.
For church purposes, I'll talk to her on Wednesdays and Sundays. I'll pretend nothing happened if there is a Youth Night. And for Disciple Now, I'll just recommend we aren't roommates. It won't be especially hard, per say. It'll just have to be more convincing than ever that I have nothing against her.
I wrote a song called 'Open' in advisory today. It's pretty sad. It requires a lot of thought to understand, though. It jumps around a lot. It's talking about the time barrier and what a waste it is. A little bit of it-
We can go back, we can deny
There's no escape, there's no goodbyes
No way out, no longer a sin
No where to run, no caving in
I think I'm going to start showing only Stephanie, Jaimie, and Terra what I write. They're the only ones who pretend to care. Stephanie is the only one who still asks me to hum the tune for her, and she rarely does that.
Sometimes I think our world is numb. Everyday there's troops killed in Iraq, and most of us just skip that part of the news. Every month or so, there are 3 stabbings, shanking, or shootings at Judson. Yet, there was a shanking at Reagan today, and ALL of the news medias were over it. We don't listen to the world, or hear the sounds- we put a pair of earphones in our ears and block it all out. We drive too fast to see the details of the world. I haven't seen someone put a dandelion under their chin to see if they were in love since '98. No one walks with their mouth open in the rain anymore.
The last time I walked with my mouth open in the rain was 3 months ago. The rain had a distinct taste, sort of like wine rolled over warm leather. I miss it. There's nothing quite like it, you know......
Happy 51st birthday, Mom. I love you.
Your lord and master,
Lois
 LongWayHome · Thu Feb 01, 2007 @ 02:22am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
