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I'm sick! Yay! I got sick last night at, like, 4:00 am. I woke my mom up. She was NOT pleased at all. I took my weight in TUMS and laid back down. Then, I woke up at 1:38 with a terrible stomach ache again and drank 5 cokes straight.
I'm amazingly well now, though. If anyone cares at all besides Stephanie.
MY GUITAR IS ******** AMAZING! I thought I was getting an acoustic, but I'm got a black, original Hello Kitty, FENDER! I was like, OH s**t! It's totally amazing and all that jazz. It's a six string, and it comes with a small amp. I almost cried when I saw it. But my parents don't know I know it's in their closet, or that it's even been shipped here, OR that it's a Fender.
I love them!
After a long day of being sick from school, I come into my room to check my journal, e-mail, and fanfiction. Here's what I see under my last entry- "YOU MADE ME A MURDERER!" After having possibly one of the worse dreams of my life, I see how supportive everyone is and see that from one of my best friends. I love you too, Steph.
UIL was a major success! 7th Grade Girls got sweepstakes- Also known as getting all ones from 6 different judges in 2 areas. It's a really big deal. Every choir at Bush has gotten sweepstakes for the last 11 years in a row. Now, we aren't the choir to break the tradition! Yay! Too bad I didn't feel well yesterday, or I would have typed it then.
Oh, and you know what forever long journal entry I typed on the choir concert last time? That's not gonna happen for the concert that happened about 6 days ago, because I forgot most of the details. And by most, I mean I can't remember some of the songs we sung. And we only sung 3.
I have officially decided to abandon all hope of a relationship. After laying down with nothing to think about for 5 hours, your mind wanders to deep spots. I reflected on everything guys have done for me in no particular order and the guy that did them.
Let's start off with the number one cause for that last paragraph, Eric.
- For starters, caused me to cry until I passed out. Three times.
- Made me question my sexuality the first time around. [The only people who will ever know the half of it will be Steph and Jaimie, neither of who know anything now. Jaimie never knew that I started, and Steph only knows about the 3rd-5th times.]
- Forced me into hiding emotionally, mentally, and physically
- Led me to [.Love.Song.]
- Made music my only outlet
- Almost made me tell him about Rachel's problem
- Made me lose what could have been a valuable friendship
- Caused me to have hopeful dreams, then wake up to find myself on the bathroom floor again.
Next, onto Ryan Watts and Ryan Sun. They go together because they have done a lot of the same things unintentionally.
- Made me not be able to focus, ultimately leading to my 50-70 grades in algebra.
- Took my eyes off of why I stopped liking guys in the first place
For the things only Ryan Watts has done:
- Hurt me emotionally
- Ruined a friendship
I have more, much more, but I figure I'd better speed up this entry before you people who've read this far stop. The bottom line is, I hate doing what feels right to my heart, and that's being able to "love" someone who doesn't even think of me as an equal, much less a friend. It's weird, too. I'm a bit clingy whenever I make major decisions like this, or whenever I find out I have actual hate sites put up about me. Thank God the site was shut down.....
I've vowed not to be clingy to anyone while this is going on, and not to get in over my head.
I've also vowed to stop making it look like I'm gay. It could be the massive amounts of Advil my mom is forcing into me, but it's starting to take a toll on my mental health. Last night, after I had my stomach up-chucked into a toilet and brushed my teeth until I was out of toothpaste, I sketched. I didn't really look down, but I just sorta let my hand wander. I drew a picture of me and Terra doing the ONE OF US thing, but there was a cross in the background. I can't help supporting gays, but that doesn't mean I have to make it look like I am one. I will still be supportive of non-drag gays and bis, but I'm not going to wear a rainbow cape anymore.
That's about it.
Your Lord and Master,
Lois
 LongWayHome · Thu Mar 08, 2007 @ 01:30am · 2 Comments |
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