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I know for experience, I know how's it feel living in the hell of stereotypes.
Stereotypes grow as you let time go by, and by the time you hit high school, it all seems to multiply by ten.
If you are stunning beautyful, the maginifed loop will make you look ten times better, being then considered one of the 'it' group. Long hair, flawless sking, stunning eyes, perfect clothing...for long, I wish to be one them.
High school, those years were my grudge and as far as I know, I wasn't ever considered from the 'it' crew and how would I? I mean, I was nice, and my clothing wasn't really ugly; in fact, it was kind of cute but there was one fact holding me back, and that was perhaps my weight. I wasn't a stik.
"Move, fat hoe!" normally the rebels at mu high would yell as soon as the spotted me in luch room. Some brave ones would even say somments such as "Did everyone brought their lunch? Willy is going to DEVORE the whole food today!"
The room then woul burst into endless laughter, and I would feign a smile. After all, who likes girl who cry? However, inside that mask, my emotions would burst, making me feel miserable.
In school I wont ever cry, niether a home. But as soon as the clocked marked five in the afternoon, I would ran to the fridge and literally, I will assault it! Sometimes, I would feel so humgry, I would eat a whole pack if Chips Ahoy and even, a whole jar of jam. God forbids.
However, the sweet, delicate taste of those fine products won't stop my craving, and before I could realized it, I was seeking for more and more.
My hands would ran deseperately through the fridge, then the kitchen's cabits; even my baby's sister food would be ebough to keep me alive.
I cannot recall how many times in New Year's Eve, I would promised myself to start a different life. A life in which I would stop eating as a mere pig, and I would be fast enough to join the track team in my school...I saw myself leanner, lighter, better and prettier. I would be such a star!
But them, after my second week of dieting, I would get really ugly stomachaches, which later would guide me again to the endless cycle of gaining weight. Shame on me.
But not everything is lost! Today, I met Ana. Ana is so perfect that I could not believe she had walked to sit with me at lunch!
She smiled, and say "I know what you need, just follow me and I will make you thin in less than a month."
Less than a month? I was shocked, it was a better deal than those I had seen on TV! Of course I agree.
"All right, take my hand. I won't let your side. I will stick you until the very end, until your very end".
Not yet a day of having met her and Ana was now my friend! I could not describe my happiness in just simple words, Gaians, I had found my way. (Just like Drake Bell will sing)
****
Month one.
"Gaby, you look stunning. Are you loosing weight?" One of the 'it' girls, Hilda, said as we crossed thr foot ball field in P.E.
I smiled, and replied with a kind thanks.
In just one month, I had changed so much. Now, from being a size 13 I am a size 7. Almost a half! I know there are girls who would like to know my secret, and don't be mad; I am willing to share it with you.
Ana told me I should spread her word arround the globe.
"Imagine how happy many girls will be if they get the perfect figure without stressing. Say what you did, and I will feel like served."
"You know Hilda, do you want to drop some pounds?"
Hilda's dark eyes grew bigger as a bright, enthusiastically big smiled appreared across her face.
"Sure, what's your secret?"
"Eat less, maybe have some salad and dark coffee.No sugar. You will see in less than a month, you will look hotter!"
Hotter and better equals cute guys. Sooner or later I would get my all-time crush, Dillan García, to notice me. For know, I am happy to tell you, I finished my laps in the correct nine minutes.
Month Sixth.
I look at the girl in the mirror, its just a fat b***h! Oh my god! what's happening to me? I am fat, again I am gaining weight. My perfectly smooth abbs were going away and were now being replaced by the dreaded fatty rolls. I cry.
I can't stand it, I can't go to the beach party today! Sure, Dillan just asked me out but I can't use my super kewl yellow bikini with a body like this. What am I going to do?
Ana walked inside my room, she hugged me. It feels so good having a friend like her. She leans foward and whispers in soft, sweet voice "Gaby, you sick pig. See what happens when you eat a cupcake? I told you, you will throw to the trash all these months of dieting just for a dirty cupcake! Now, stop feeling ashamed. I have a solution!"
Her words ringged in my head, and the world solution seemed to br light in the tunel.
"Meet my friend, Mia!"
Mia was stunning too, she hugged me with the same kindness and guided me to the bathroom where she tought me I could eat all I want, if I just made sure to put it in the right place after...and the right place seemed to be the sink.
I am so grateful with life for having put Mia and Ana on my way.
Month Nine.
I fainted during P.E. It is not the first time that happens, actually is the sixth. Now I am in the nurse's room, waiting for my parents. I do not know what's going on, but I feel like I am dying. For a time now, I am not able to eat nor see the smallest piece of food! Not even a fruit seems to hold in my stomcah more than an hour before being 'put in place'.
Still, Dillan broke with me. I know what happened. It wasn't because of my mood swings, I am sure it was because of my weight! I am such a pork! I am nasty, nobody would ever love me!!!
The door sungs open, and my mom walks inside from the nurse's office, she is crying while my dad holds her thightly...
"Gaby, you got an illness..."
One Year later...
An illness? I could not believe it when I first heard it and, of course, I resisted to the idea, however, it all makes sense.
My illness was called Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa. They seemed like your friends, but they aren't. They would stick with you until the very end, and do you want to know the end? It's death's embrance.
I'm fading, slowly going away...Gaby won't more exist in this world but in memories.
Remember those times which I thought I was fat? Guess it was Ana's power, because the truth was I wasn't fat but ALL the opposite! I was thin, emanciated.
My skin is yellow, I can see my bones as I walk and I can't see my reflection through a mirror, I know I am ugly. I am a walking death, zombie if you will.
Ana and Mia are not friends, and I should had known. Someone who would put you through pain, someone who would tell you that you are not enough is not a friend. Friends who love you the way you are, and make you accomplish healthy goals...that's what matters.
I'm writting this with the last energy I had left, and I hope you see beyond the facts... Stereotypes just work if they are followed, you choose to believe them or not!
And di you want to know something? This should be your life principle, and even I don't know you personally I would like to say...
YOU ARE BEATIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
Be glad of everything you have, just feeling the breeze of a cold night is a bleesing you should be proud of. I am so fragil that the breeze hurts me...
Enjoy life as it comes and be sure to love everyone. We all have hearts and hurting people just puts them in darkness...
If you are being judged, ha! let them talk about you, this means you are such an important person that people feels the need to talk about you! Listen to what's good and ignore what's bad. Never seek for revange.
Ana and Mía, ANorexiA and BuliMIA won't ever teach you that.
Your friend,
Gaby C.
- by DeniHazelnut |
- Non Fiction
- | Submitted on 06/17/2009 |
- Skip
- Title: I wanted to be THIN.
- Artist: DeniHazelnut
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Description:
Screw life! This won't change.
This gruge haunts me day at night, the teasong won't stop, the laughing is painful. It hurts my heart...
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A story about anorexia and bulima.
note: I'm not the girl of the story, she is just a characterthough if you thought otherwise, then my goal is accomplished since that was the feeling I was trying to transmit. :) - Date: 06/17/2009
- Tags: school anorexia bulimia teen life
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Comments (5 Comments)
- Freya Nightfell - 02/13/2010
- Very nice. I can easily relate to this.
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- x-KaNnIbaL-Kupcake-x - 07/07/2009
- I really like this...It's insane how far girls will go to be skinny. I admit I have a bit a fat on me...Not much I am toning up. But I don't do it the unhealthy way. I did cut my proportioning of food down to a healthy amount and if I was hungry I would eat an apple or banana. And I'd exercise. I don't get why girls can't see the way to a perfect body is eating healthy and exercise. Awsome story. (:
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- Molly_Raviolly - 06/18/2009
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sweet it really is good!
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- Rian_Lena - 06/18/2009
- Cool
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