• What has become of that one true idea? What has become of what we once had? All the words in the world, now mixed and jumbled like a puzzle. Everything used to fit. Where is the man that told me he loved me? Returned every last one of my kisses, now faded with time. He lied to me then and he lies to me now. Once dreamed of love so sweet, now gone and shattered like glass. Each word is a dagger, rupturing my very soul.

    I hated dreaming for I knew when awake my life would return the same. He gave me something I hadnt known. He gave me a generalized concept of what love is supposed to feel like.I now know what pain is like as well. They both exist hand in hand you know. I gave myself so many times. I read over the last remaining words I have saved here. Our dirty little secrets. I cant pretend it never happend. I cant revert myself to calling him friend when months before I called him lover, the one to whisk me away from reality. I do thank him for allowing me finally the pleasures of waking up. No one can live in the dreamworld forever. Like a bubble bursted, popped and for ever gone.

    Its sad to say you arent their happiness, when they are your center. When they become your every thought and every breath. Without them you fear breathing for it brings you pain. I lost more than a lover, I lost a part of myself. The rational logical person isnt around anymore. I sit around and randomly reminise over everything. I cannot bring myself to view the world when his presence is everywhere. I want to gouge my eyes out, let the vultures peck at them so I dont see the images. The images, the nightmares, the what could have beens now shadowed by loss.

    If one had told me what love was like I would have not known. I know now what it feels to love and to lose. Somehow I wish I hadnt learned this lesson. Somehow I wish to take it all back. If life came with reset buttons this would be a good time to use it now wouldnt it? If I could travel into time, I would have let myself drown and avoided all this sorrow. But the fact remains, as much as I have hatred in my heart; I too still have love in it. He remains my love so true. And I figure if I stick around as he wants me to be, at least its something isnt it? Rip out my heart to show you I care despite the many stares. I dont care what they say to me, for always my baby you will be.