"Untitled"

• Artist: writingdreamhorror
• Description: A poem in which I wrote, please comment and rate. Also give me constructive criticism please.
• Date: 09/10/2009
• Tags: poem rhyme theme syllabal

My life is a bottle with the cap turned tight.
Dancing through my dreams with all of my might.
If only you knew how much I try to fight.
And how hard it is to seek the light.
Things of beauty tempting to bite.
When everyone is prying in night.
As if no one can truly see from this height.
To cut down trees with winds of hot white.
That is not to destroy, but do what is right.

Comments

[Melodee Lee]

They understand poetry a lot more than you do, Siris06.

[siris06]

pay no attention to most of of these comments. many people don't understand poetry. if u complain a poem makes no sense its because u don't understand it. just as a picture is worth a thousand words, a word can hold a thousand meanings. not one(not even the artist)can know the meaning of every stroke of his brush. and as fat as rhyming i personally prefer rhyme to free verse it seems more like poetry and takes some degree of talent where as with free verse u can write anything and dub it poetry

[midnightangelforever]

I agree with thomulus, it appears like you merely found a rhyming dictionary and wrote nine sentences with perfect end rhyme. Poetry does NOT have to rhyme all the time. Rhyming simply to rhyme often ruins the original poem. Try conveying what you want to with less clutter.

[Lucky4193]

Stupid 500 characters! having to make sure it all fits!

[Lucky4193]

I see da cutting down of trees 2 do wat is right like reveal da truth bcuz u're tryin 2 see what the trees hide. 'things of beauty tempting to bite' like desires of things can b betta. Line7, like ppl get their heads caught up in the clouds tat they forget wat's truly important. line 2 as how life can sometimes not be lived, if tat makes sense, ppl bcome dream-like eachday w/o havin any emotion.Ppl bcome complacent and don't fight when at fault,with your cap tight there is no gettin out.

[Slinkenhofer]

you have a good theme, but the way youre conveying it is kind of confusing. you jump around from idea to idea, and the central underlying concept is lost in the jumble.

[thomulus]

THIS IS PART 2 Read below first!! Honestly, I think you took a rhyming dictionary and got as many words out of it as possible and tried to make a poem that makes sense. It didn't work. Sorry. If you had made this poem one 4 line stanza. numbers 3