Because of You

• Artist: SweetPea2010
• Description: Comments would be nice!!!Hurt and lost in the world thinking he would be there for you forever.
• Date: 07/16/2008
• Tags: hurt lost

Been there done that all because you I lost everything I worked for and now I'm all alone in this apartment your far away from me now. It's what you wanted and waited for it to happen instead I just said leave please just leave and that what you did to me.Now because of you I am alone in life before any of this happened I had so many good times with u now your gone and far away from this place we made I thought we had everything together but now your gone and not coming back to me because of what I said to you.Because of you I am no more of a person as you are to me.Now all alone by myself I walk out of the apartment door and I think of those memories we made up but didn't turn out to be what any of us wanted.Because of you I am no more.......

Comments

[flyys]

Is this a letter to someone? it would have been creative to create this in a letter format, then you wouldn't have the people commenting of horrible grammar. And if you could make it a little more upbeat, or face paced. I feel like i relive the same thing over and over when i read this

the ending is also way to cliche... don't... do... the... triple... dotsss....

[SteveNash13rox]

*looks at comments below*
They pretty much covered
it.

[Threatened Angel]

Please use some grammar! It's hard to see where sentences stop or start. You use a little too much repetition and rarely say anything new. Some repetition is good in writing. You have a good idea going. Just needs some work. Edit it a few times and have some friends help out.

[GigaK]

I don't get it...you got a plot structure? U need litteracy and grammer analisis. Plus...I agree with Casca 7. BUT I do think you're just expresing your voice in this peom...or whatever it is... I'l give you 3/5 for voice and effort. Seriously though..WHAT IS IT?

[Casca 7]

umm... is this supposed to be a poem??