• I don't understand why I get like this. Something so dark takes over my whole being and can destroy all that I have worked for. The cold sets in and the isolation puts me in that dark, lonely place. I give up on everything, and without reason, everything becomes un-interesting. I get filled with rage, sometimes to the point of hate. Hate towards every one and everything, but especially myself. I stand in front of the 4 horsemen that I so often stare down. Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair. The terror seemingly brought on by my endless despair. My frustration, because I am bewildered by this world I live in. I have been able to give up so easily. So, why is letting go so much more difficult? I fight with myself over the same things over and over again. My insanity can be overcome, if I can let go, and not give up. I dream once again, but it just leaves me confused, and sometimes really scared. My sleep is often interrupted with such discomfort and uneasiness. I seem to feel empathetically towards my whole surrounding and everything I cannot control. I am going to change the way the world thinks. I need to figure out how I am going to bring about this new way of thinking that can come to some so easily. This goes much beyond anything that I have learned with groups and books. This is returning to something greater than humanity. Animality. Compassion for everything. The true feeling of freedom. I once pondered the words: Feel Free. I can now understand, but not attain. Not in this world. I will change that. Something eats away at my soul. I don't want to carry you; I want to give you legs. I don't want to be a lover, I want to love. I don't care for this existence, not one bit. Everything I have, I fight for it. I beat and tear my way through the shallow attempts on my personality. Conformity being something I refuse to do. Some get upset because I do not vote. I don't vote because I don't agree with this system as it currently is. Then you say, "Vote to change it". I say make a change to change it. 3 frogs are sitting on a log. They take a vote on whether or not to jump off the log. They vote to jump off the log. How many frogs are on the log? 3, because all they have done is make a decision. There is no action. I'm going to bring things into action. I will let go. I will no longer give up. Continue motivation. Keeping my head high, but also on a level, so that I may see what is really going on. Both eyes open to the world so that I may see it for what it really is, but still blinking as to not forget the darkness that is within us all. Sticking to reality, and living for the moment, but always looking ahead, so that I may make my choices with caution.