• I want to talk to you,
    But I have no idea what to say.
    Perhaps I could dredge up your number
    Out of the dusty recesses of my mind,
    Call you on the phone,
    And just sit quietly,
    Listening patiently as you ramble
    About things that would never make sense
    To anyone saner than us.
    I try to pretend I’ve moved on;
    There are enough
    Awkward moments in our
    Friendship without me blurting
    Deep, dark secrets,
    Such as how I don’t go a day
    Without thinking of you;
    How my heart still skips a beat
    Every time I see you;
    How there are so many things
    That I want to say, that can’t be said.
    We pass by each other, make eye contact, wave,
    And the connection usually ends there.
    Occasionally we stop and talk,
    Light, carefree chatter, shallow
    As an evaporating puddle.
    Not that we ever gave each other
    Speeches of philosophy, or recited classics;
    But at least we talked.
    Now, every time we speak,
    My mouth is forced to detach and individually function,
    As a safeguard against the words coming
    Not from my brain,
    But from my heart.
    Just the thought of you,
    Which before made me smile,
    Now topples me over the edge
    Of the gap in my heart, into the unknown.
    I’m almost afraid to
    Sleep at night, because I still
    Dream about you often; and I love it
    Because I can pretend, for a little while,
    That things are as they were, and I hate it
    Because I believe what I pretend
    Until I wake up and remember the truth.
    My heart is too busy
    Wondering what to do to monitor
    How my lungs are functioning;
    At least that’s what I tell myself, to explain
    Why sometimes I can’t breathe when I
    Think of you.
    And I feel a little pathetic for
    Rambling this way, just to myself,
    And I know I have to find a way
    To tell you all this.
    I don’t know how I’ll do it,
    But I will. Eventually.
    Somehow.